


Yellow

by ruby666



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Army, Choking, Dirty Talk, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Fate, Fingerfucking, Forbidden Love, Internal Conflict, Kidnapping, Kylo Ren Angst, Love Confessions, Mental Health Issues, Organized Crime, Panic Attacks, Plot Twists, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Dynamics, Praise Kink, Redeemed Ben Solo, Slow Build, Smut, Spanking, University, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 53,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23288002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruby666/pseuds/ruby666
Summary: Rey, a music education student at NYU with a tragic past. She struggles to be independent because she doesn’t need no man. Kylo, a veteran weapons designer with an equally tragic past. CEO of Starkiller Enterprise with deep pockets. Between the war crimes, romance and tragedy, will opposites attract? Modern AU, kinky smutt, fluff. (written with the coldplay song 'yellow' in mind) SO MANY PLOT TWISTS
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 82
Kudos: 184





	1. NDA

Another Saturday night, another work night. Rey thought to herself as she put on her waitstaff uniform. Normally a college student on the weekends would be partying, instead she worked the parties. Being part of a professional wait staff for the higher ups actually paid quite well and she was treated with much more respect than her normal waitress job back home. Rey stared at herself in the mirror, she looked so plain and boring. Sometimes she wished she could be one of the people at those parties. A politician’s wife with all the jewelry she could ever want. Or maybe a investors secret mistress covered in fine fabrics. Instead she was just Rey, a simple girl from a backwater town in Ohio with a dream of pursuing music. That’s how she ended up in New York on a partial scholarship to NYU for music education. And the tuition is how she ended up wait staff.  
In reality she did not mind the job. She was a fly on the wall, the conversations she has overheard were interesting. She has seen magnificent homes and art, listen to fine musicians playing at these events, eaten fresh food and even been in the same room as her favorite celebrities. The job definitely had its perks. Its not that she desired that kind of lifestyle, but she yearned to live comfortably. Her whole life Rey wondered if she would have a place to stay, food to eat or even a family. Abruptly her alarm sounded, breaking her train of thought. It was time to leave for the event. Ray pulled on her jacket and started briskly walking the few blocks to the building. She was headed to a skyscraper that overlooked central park, the 20th floor. She could only guess how much the place cost. Meanwhile she lived in an apartment meant for 2 people but shared it with 4 others. “Another Saturday night, another work night” she said to herself with a sigh as she pushed the open the heavy lobby doors.

  
Kylo Ren was laying on his bed staring up at his Italian mural ceiling, pondering tonight. This was an important event for him, he had to secure that investment for his family business. Its not something he freely told people, but he worked in the family trade of weapon craftsmanship. That meant engineering the newest technology for whatever war the angry men wanted to rage next. He had a brilliant mind; he could code and build whatever someone wanted. Kylo’s blueprints were worth billions of dollars and nothing made more money than war. Something his grandfather would say is that war is business. He was right.

  
He wondered if his mother would come tonight to support him. She rarely did, as she did not support the family business. His mother, Leia, was born into it. Her father, Kylo’s grandfather, created the business back before world war 2. Leia despised him for doing what he did, so she left home and married young. Unfortunately, her husband, Kylo’s father, Han decide to join the family business but only in a small part to keep their family going. This drove Leia to divorce him. Despite his mother opinions, ren joined too. People told him he was gifted with a mind like that. Now he was the sole owner of Starkiller Weapons Enterprise.

  
The clatter outside his room stirred him from his thoughts. The party would be starting soon, and he had to get ready. That was easy for him, just a suit. Finally rising from the bed he got dressed and combed his mop of hair. He liked it long, made his image all that more intimidating. His cuff links were gold and his watch was more than the average persons car. The final touch to his look, the American flag pin on his lapel. He sighed before leaving his bedroom and headed down to the hall to the stairs where his assistant was waiting.

  
“Is she coming?” Kylo asked.

  
His assistant gave him one of the sad smiles, she knew exactly who he was asking about, “I’m afraid not, she just called to let you know but I didn’t want to disturb you.”  
He clenched his fists at his side for a moment, his mother would not be coming. Admittedly their relationship was hard because their differing views and choices, but the least she could do is show up for him not for the business.

  
“The staff is waiting in the front room for you Ren.” His assistant said as she started walking to the stairs. He nodded and followed.

  
Rey stood in the front room with all her coworkers patiently waiting for the host to give them instructions. Usually they all said something along the lines of, be quiet, don’t stand still for to long and do not give drinks to certain people.

  
Her friend and bartender, Finn, nudged her, “I heard this guy is young and very attractive.”

  
She rolled her eyes, “You always say that and then they turn out to be old and gross.”

  
“I’m positive this time Rey, just look at this place, everything is dark with accents and no old pieces of junk on the walls.”

  
She had thought this place was interesting, who paints their walls black?

  
Someone had cleared their throat and she looked up. Standing at the balcony on top of the stairs was in fact a rather young handsome looking man.  
Finn elbowed her side again and whispered to her, “I told you so!”

  
The man stood there awkwardly for a minute taking in the crowd of staff before speaking. “Good evening everyone, thank you for being here, my name is Kylo Ren. Tonight, is about a party however there will be some business talk so everyone needs to sign an NDA before guests arrive. Please keep your opinions to yourself if anyone asks for it.”  
Rey glanced at Finn and then back at the man. She had never signed an NDA before, never even heard of doing that for an event. She wondered who would be here tonight. Kylo ran his hand through his hair and motioned for his assistant to take over before going back down the hall he came from. She began passing out the NDA and spouting off more rules, but Rey wasn’t really listening. She felt like she remembered that guy from somewhere. His face was prominent and striking, she couldn’t help but agree with the rest of the staff that he was attractive. After signing the NDA she quickly went back into the kitchen where she had to wait. When guests would arrive, she could go out with her tray of drinks. She peaked through the door as the music started, this meant guests were coming in. her eyes widened as she saw who began flooding the floor. Men in generals’ uniforms, all kinds of medals and badges. It took her a minute to put two and two together. Kylo Ren was on the news last month for a new investment proposal and these were military. The NDA, the uniforms... she was wait staffing a weapons deal.


	2. Alma-Tadema Steinway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tension.

The event was going quiet well he thought. The alcohol was flowing, and the hands were shaking. He talked to the assistant general and they had liked his prototype creation. Kylo himself had drank so much from the excitement of selling the deal. Finally, he got the head of US weapons to agree to test it. With that the champagne popped and the cigars came out. Felling a buzz and proud he looked around the room. He was looking for a prize for the night. Making out good on a deal made him a little horny. Most the women here tonight were married, old or just not his taste. He sighed, maybe not tonight. But then he saw her. She was part of the waitstaff, but she was the most beautiful girl in the room. Her dark brown hair held carefully in a sophisticated bun. Her white button up shirt just a tad see through, enough that he could tell she had a pink bra on. The pencil skirt hugged her behind in all the right place. Ren was sure she would throw herself at his feet knowing his status. His eyes followed her as she wove in and out of the crowd offering drinks, her smile was delightful, he wondered if it was fake and just for work.

xxx

Rey was smiling and doing her job when she felt eyes on her. She glanced in his direction for a minute to confirm it was him staring at her. It was not uncommon for the men at these events to eye her, she has been groped a few times. They were all the same rich, gross men who only thought with their penis. At least this one was cute, she thought. Still not the guy she would go for. She felt like dating was near impossible, online dating was ruining it.

Rey returned to the kitchen and asked her manager if she could have a break, all the cigar smoke was getting to her. He told her yes and which room was designated for staff to relax in for their 30 minute break. As she walked up the glass stairs to the upper level hall, she could again sense his eyes. She couldn’t help but feel heat rise to her cheeks at the thought of someone so handsome paying attention to her. She counted the doors on her right and went in the 3rd door just like her manager said. But to her surprise she was in a bedroom. She would have backed out immediately if it wasn’t for the beautiful Alma-Tadema Steinway piano on the other side of the room. She stared in shock at the rarest, most beautiful musical instrument. This was the piano of her dreams. She quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one was in there before slowly approaching it. the room was just as dark as the apartment. Black satin sheets, black walls, but with red and gray accents. Like a dark bachelor pad. Taking one last look around, Rey brushed her fingers over the keys. She felt electric, she wanted nothing more than to play, even to press one key. And so she did, the note resonated in her.

“Wonderful isn’t it?”

Rey quickly turned around eyes wide to see Kylo standing by the door, glass in hand. Before she could apologize he spoke again. “Do you play?”

Rey simply nodded and glanced away from him to the piano.

He grinned at her as he walked over to a chair sitting across from the piano and sat down. “Why don’t you go ahead and play something.” He said it more as a demand and less of a question.

She swallowed nervously, “Im really sorry Mr. Ren, I didn’t mean to come in here I just entered the wrong room and then I saw it…” she trailed off when she looked at his eyes.

His eyes were dark and brooding, he just sat there staring at her with a smirk. he motioned at the piano with his drink, “Please play. Whatever you like.”

Rey knawed her lip as she sat down at the stool, she couldn’t pass up the opportunity. She took a deep breath in before placing her fingers on the keys. The music that flowed was like magic.

Xxx

Ren had followed her upstairs, he wanted to talk to her just see if maybe he could snag her for the night. When he saw her walk into his bedroom by mistake, he almost thought she was doing it on purpose. When she didn’t come out he thought she might be snooping so he quietly snuck in. instead what he found was a beautiful woman standing in front of his mothers piano. His heart jumped when she pressed down on a key. He hadn’t played it in years, almost forgot what it sounded like.

Now he was sitting across from her watching her play. It was almost erotic. Her eyes closed, lips parted, head tilting. She played with such passion, her chest rose and fell rapidly as the music accelerated, never missing a note. Who was this woman? He finished his drink and stood up, walking over to her. She was so lost in the music she didn’t notice he was standing right behind her.

Once the song ended, she was breathless her fingers trembling. Kylo leaned down his lips close to her ear, “perfect.”

This broke her trance and she bolted to her feet, turning to face him, her back pressed against the keys. “Thank you” she stammered

“what is your name?” he asked as he eyed her up and down.

“Rey.” She slide to the side to put more space between them and she started walking to the door, “I should get back down there”

This irritated him, she wanted to get away from him. “Wait,” he called out. To his amusement she stopped back to him her hand on the door handle. “What do you think of what I do? no doubt you’ve overheard or seen me on the news?” he didn’t know why he asked her or even cared.

She looked over her shoulder at him, “You told us to keep our opinions to ourselves if anyone asked.” With that final witty remark, she was out the door, leaving him alone in his bedroom. Undoubtedly, he would be alone the rest of the night. Her answer was radiating stubbornness, he liked that.

Xxx

When Rey returned to the kitchen, she was meet by Finn who grabbed her by the shoulders.

“What were you doing in there?! With him?!” Finn had the biggest shit eating grin.

Rey huffed and shook him off, “nothing he just asked me to play on his piano.” Finn wiggled his eyebrows. “No! literally finn, nothing happened!” they laughed and went back to work.

The rest of the night went smoothly for her. Sometimes she would steal a glance in his direction, and he would steal one in hers. At the end of the night she left and finn walked her back to her apartment. He kept going on about everything they had overheard at the party, how cool the house was and how handsome Kylo was. From what she gathered he was a very powerful man, with enough money to get anything he wanted. Not that it mattered because she wouldn’t be seeing him again unless he booked her staff again. As she was getting ready for bed that night she started imaging again. What it would be like to come home to such a beautiful place with that kind of view over central park. To have an Alma-Tadema Steinway piano. She could still feel his breath on her neck from before when she had finished playing. She couldn’t lie to herself; it was flattering for a man like that to show interest in her.


	3. Drunk Dial

It was Monday afternoon, the Monday after Kylo Rens soiree. He was waiting outside her classroom door. His mother was a music professor at NYU. She believed music was an art, an art of love, the opposite of war. He just wanted to talk to her. After the finalized deals he knew the company was headed down a new serious path and he didn’t want to lose his mother over it. Ren thought if he talked to her, she would see why he does what he does. He looked up to notice people flooding from his mother’s classroom. Once the doorway was clear he entered the empty classroom accept one or two students packing up.

Kylo cleared his throat, “Mother.”

The older woman in front of him turned around with an emotion on her face he couldn’t place. “Kylo, my dear. What are you doing here?”

He clenched his fists. Is she really so disgusted to see him? “I just wanted to talk.”

Leia gave a small smile, “We can talk later but right now I have a private lesson with one of my students.”

He followed his mothers gaze and found a pleasant, yet shocking, surprise. Rey.

Xxx

Class had just ended, and she was waiting for students to leave. On Mondays her professor taught her new music after class. Once the rest of the students left, she saw _him_ enter the room. It couldn’t be. There was Kylo Ren in dark pants with a silk black button-down shirt tucked in. She couldn’t help thinking to herself that he looked good. But why was he here? As soon as he said mother her eyes widened. This is beyond a coincidence.

“Rey?” his voice broke her thoughts.

“Uh hi.” She sat there blinking at him wide eyed. He was here, in her class, seeing her out of uniform in her normal life.

His brow furrowed, “What are you doing here?”

She raised an eyebrow. “What am I doing here? I go to school here. what are you doing here?” she shot back.

He motioned to her professor, “This is my mother.”

Leia had a grin but a face of confusion, “You two know each other?”

When Rey said no, Kylo said yes.

He ran a hand over his face, “She was wait staff at the thing Saturday night that you didn’t come to.”

Leia’s grin disappeared, “Really Kylo? You want to do this now?”

Quickly Rey started gathering her things, there would be no lesson today. “I should go… Ill see you next week miss Leia.” With her coat and bag, she left and hurried down the hall. Her cheeks were red. She thought she would never see him again. Now she had a feeling she would see him a lot more.

Xxx

Kylo had been so surprised to see her. Rey looked so different, her hair was down, and she was wearing a baggy grey sweater and leggings. She looked like the average college student, but he knew under those clothes… she was much more then average. After she had left, he returned his attention to his mother, expressing his worries to her. She told him she would still love him no matter what. He was her son, all her love belonged to him. Feeling comforted by his mothers’ words he had asked her about Rey. Leia told him she was musically gifted. He told her how she had played on the piano she had given him. Leia’s eyes sparkled. She was always so proud of that girl, she almost felt like a mother to her. Kylo was interested in Rey. She certainly wasn’t like most girls he knew. They all looked right through him and into his bank account. They were dull, no ambition and easy. But not Rey. He knew she was inclined for an education, a better life. Despite the different social class, Rey was his type and he decided to pursue her. 

The next week Kylo waited outside the classroom with Starbucks in hand. He had no idea if liked Starbucks or coffee for that matter. Patiently he waited as students were leaving the classroom. After the last one left, he knew only Rey and his mother remained inside. He entered with a big smile. Her back was to him as she was looking over some notes on the center table. Today she wore jeans and a loose tee shirt with her hair pulled back. _Beautiful,_ he thought to himself. He stood there for a moment before clearing his throat. He smiled watching her jump and turn around. Rey’s checks were turning red. “Kylo… your mother is in the back she’s grabbing a stand.”

“Oh, I’m not here for her.” He walked over to her; her face puzzled. “I brought you coffee.”

She stood there frozen and blinking up at him. “You... brought me... coffee?” she said slowly and quizzically. She slowly extended her hand and took it, their fingers touching for only a moment. His heart jumped in his chest from the small contact.

“Yes, I wasn’t sure if you even like coffee. If you don’t, I can go get something else for you.” his heart fluttered when she gave him a small smile.

“No, thank you, I do like coffee.” She took a sip and he could swear her checks were getting darker. “Why did you get me coffee?”

He shrugged, “Just being nice.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and sat the coffee down before folding her arms over her chest. “But you live several blocks away and you aren’t here to see your mother which means you went out of your way to come out here, just to give me a coffee?” Now his checks were getting warm. Damn was she smart and witty.

Kylo was a confident guy, always knew what to say and when to say it. But right now, he was feeling shy. He brushed his shaggy hair back from his face and sighed. “Well I didn’t come out here just to give you coffee, I thought I’d ask you out?”

Her face drained of color and her eyes went wide. “Kylo I-“

“Rey! Dear can you come help me, this is heaver then I thought!” Leias voice called from the back room.

“Coming!” Rey called back. She glanced at Kylo walking away to help Leia. “I think you should go; I have a lesson.” Her voice was void. Did he just get rejected? He has never gotten rejected before. He stood there stunned feeling agitated but even more enthralled by her. When she slipped into the back he went over to the table and wrote his number on the lid of the coffee cup. Maybe this was a long shot but it was worth a try.

Xxx

During her lesson she was distracted, making minor mistakes the whole time. She had just been asked out by one of the richest men in New York, a weapons mastermind. What could he possibly want with her? Just a poor lonely girl from Ohio who was obsessed with music. Usually in the books those kinds of guys go after girls like her as a form of conquest. Men like Kylo ren can buy anything they want, so when there’s something they can’t buy they see it as a challenge. She was determined not to be one of those challenges for him to conquer. Real life wasn’t like the movies. She knew that much. Because if it was, somehow, she would overcome her life struggles and the underdog, but that hadn’t happened. She told herself she wasn’t going to text him. Yet she slid the coffee lid into her pocket. The way he smiled seemed genuine, the blush on his face and the slight awkwardness. It was different from how he had conducted himself at his event. She shook her head. She shouldn’t even be thinking about boys, she needed to focus on school. Speaking of school, she was getting worried. She had to make a 1/3 payment in 2 months, or a hold would be placed on her account. Quickly her thoughts turned from his handsome face to her pitiful life back home. When she got home she sat the coffee lid on her dresser and ignored it for the week, focusing on her studies and more loan applications.

Xxx

It had been several days, and he hadn’t heard from her. He was bouncing between frustration and hopelessness. Why wouldn’t she text him? He was good looking, smart, rich and polite. She probably thought he was ugly, or too old. But being 29 isn’t too old, he thought. Maybe she wasn’t into men and he was just getting mixed signals. He sighed and flopped onto his bed. It was late on a Friday night. Normally he would be out on the town or working. But now he just laid there staring at his phone. Suddenly his phone started ringing, shocking him out of trance. The area code was not New York so it couldn’t be her. “Hello?” he answered gruffly and agitated.

There was a pause, but he could hear loud music and talking in the background. Suddenly her voice came through the speaker, making his heart stop, “Hi.” Her voice was airy and slightly slurred. Even though she clearly drunk dialed him, he felt elated to hear from her. “Rey… hi.”

She giggled and hiccupped, “you already said hello.”

He chuckled, “That I did. Are you out at a club?”

There was another long pause he thought maybe she forgot she was on the phone. “Mmm yea, my friend took me out and I…” her voice drifted off and there was some shuffling.

“Rey?”

“oh!” she called out, “sorry I forgot what I was doing.” She laughed again and then then there was a door shutting sound. “Sorry I’m in the bathroom now I can hear myself.”

“Rey why did you call me?” he rubbed his eyes.

She suddenly started speaking really quickly in between hiccups, “Well she took me out and I don’t know where and my friend she left and I called everyone else and I didn’t know who to call and I’m really tired and-“

“Rey ill come get you where are you?” he jumped out of bed and grabbed his coat heading to the elevator.

“I dunno something rebellion? Will you really come get me?” her voice sounded so happy, but it was probably just the booze.

He knew exactly where she was, rebellion nightclub. He didn’t know why her friend would take her there it wasn’t exactly the safest place. “Okay Rey I’m on my way.”

“Stay on the phone with me?” she slurred and practically whispered.

His heart skipped a beat, “Of course.”

“You know what’s shitty?” she blurted out her tone changing.

“what?”

“She just left me here! what kind of fucking friend does that!” Ren liked the fire in her, she was independent and knew what kind of people she deserves in her life. He stayed on the phone with her silently listening to her rant about this supposed friend. She was furious but comical. He pulled up and got out of his Porsche.

“Rey?” he interrupted her rant. “Can you walk out, or do you need me to come get you?”

He noticed the ladies eyeing him and his care, but he didn’t care because her heart-warming laugh was filling his ears. “I can’t walk out but I can crawl out.”

“Okay I’m coming to get you.” the bouncer let him in no problem, despite the line’s protests. He quickly made his way to the woman’s bathroom, the club parting like a sea before him. He entered and saw her sitting on the floor with a toothy grin.

“Kyloooo!” she reached up to him and he hauled her up on her woobly feet.

He rolled his eyes and hugged her to his side as he lead her out the club and to his car.

“You wanna know something?” she slurred in his ear, her warm breath tickling his neck.

“What is it?” his voice was soft, just like her body against his.

“Rich people are snobs and not nice. But you came and got me so you must be nice. If Leia is your mom you are nice for sure.” She was leaning her head on his shoulder.

He wondered if she could feel his heart pounding in his chest. “Thank you, Rey. I’m not like most others. And neither are you.” he wasn’t sure if she heard him or not because her eyes were getting droopy. He got her into the passenger seat and buckled her in before taking off her insanely high heels. He tried to ask her where she lived but she was already asleep and snoring. He draped his coat over her and went around to the driver’s side. As he was driving, he kept glancing at her. She was in a skintight white dress and red lipstick, yet another side to the beautiful Rey. As she slept her nose would occasionally twitch and she snored softly. He chuckled and smiled as he drove down the brightly lit New York streets. _What are you doing to me, Rey_? He thought to himself.


	4. Gucci

Rey felt like her head weighed 100 lbs. She had never felt so miserable in her life. She knew she went out last night, but did she really drink that much? Rey stretched feeling the soft blanket slide across her skin. Even thought she was in agony this still felt like the best sleep she’s ever had, must be the bed. The bed that wasn’t hers! She bolted up eyes wide. This was definitely not her apartment or her family value mattress. The room was white and blue, a large electric fireplace and an even bigger TV on top of that. This could only mean she went home with someone she didn’t know because she did not recognize this room at all. Franticly she checked to see if her clothes were still on and indeed they were. Suddenly like a wave she felt nausea and leaned over the side of the bed and vomited. A trash can was right there thank god. Whoever’s place she was at they must have left it there for her. Rey crawled out of bed rubbing her forehead as she walked to the open bathroom door. she washed out her mouth in the sink and drank some of the water before splashing her face. She looked awful. Smudged makeup, messy hair and this way to tight dress. She looked out the bathroom window and realized she was very high up, looking down on the traffic ridden street. Where the fuck was she?

A knock at the door surprised her and she jumped. “Yes?” she didn’t know what to say or who would be on the other side of the door. Of all the possibilities she did not expect Kylo Ren to walk into the room.

“Good morning how are you feeling?” he stood before her in jeans and a t-shirt, so casual it was strange. What was even more strange was that he was here!

“I- um- Kylo what are you doing here?” she was very confused.

He chuckled and grinned, “Rey this is my flat.”

All color drained from her face as she remembered last night. Her friend had insisted they go out after acing some exams. Her friend also insisted she take the number off the coffee lid and put it in her phone. And then her friend left her in the club alone. She texted and called everyone she could think of but no one could help her. So, she had called Kylo.

As if the thought its self was nauseating, she turned around and threw up in the toilet. Kylo quickly rushed over to her and grabbed her hair pulling it back. Once she was done she just groaned and he rubbed her back. “Why don’t I get you some water and you can take a shower?” the thought of taking a shower in Kylo's home didn’t shock it her, she just wanted a damn shower. She nodded as he helped her off the floor and flushed the toilet.

“Ill place some clothes on the bed for you and get a water bottle.” He smiled softly at her. Her response was a small smile and a nod.

Once he left, she undressed and closed the bathroom door locking it. she almost had to go ask him for help because his shower looked like a control center. It took a minute, but she figured it out and Rey could have sworn this was the best shower of her life. True to his word when she stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel there was shirt and sweatpants, no doubt his, folded nicely on the foot of the bed with a Voss water bottle on top. Of course he would have $10 glass Swedish water bottles. Rey debated putting on that dress again, but it was so uncomfortable she would rather wear a sack. Succumbing to the idea of wearing his clothes she put them on, the clothes were massive but soft. Definitely a good choice compared to the dress. Rey couldn’t help but lift up the shirt to her nose and inhale. It smelled amazing. _He smelled amazing_. Suddenly her mind was invaded with inappropriate images of her and him. _As if_ , she thought to herself.

Xxx

_Holy shit she’s in his shower. She’s going to put on his clothes. She’s in his home!_ Kylo was pacing in the kitchen downstairs, his thoughts a mess, just as messy as last night.

He had gotten her out of the car and carried her to the elevator because she was barefooted without those painful heels. When she was in the elevator, she just slumped against him mumbling about wanting waffles. Once he got her into his flat, he had to get her up the glass stairs to the guest bedroom. She was basically a noodle in his arms, a giggling grinning noodle. Once he got her to the room, she suddenly had the ability to walk and she ran and jumped on to the bed.

Normally when he was around drunk women, they were trying to sleep with him. But not Rey. She just wanted food and a nap. He liked that about her. He had tucked her in and left her a trashcan by the side of the bed. He had also left the door open during the night as he slept in his room across the hall. That way he could hear if she woke up or got sick. He closed it when he woke up before her to give her privacy because no doubt would she remember the night before.

Rey cleared her throat catching his attention. She was standing there in his clothes hair wet and makeup gone showing her natural beauty. For a moment they just stared at each other in awkward silence. Kylo was not going to be the first to look away. “I’m glad you called last night, was not was I expecting though.”

Rey blushed and looked down at her hands, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I wasn’t expecting it either, I’m sorry I went through all the numbers in my phone and yours was the last one.”

His heart felt wounded at the thought of him being her last resort, hopefully that would change. “It’s fine, I wasn’t doing anything, and it certainly was entertaining.” He smirked.

Her checks turned even redder, “Well, thank you for last night. And I’m sorry I threw up in your trash can.”

He shrugged and turned around. He pulled out some cereal, bowls, spoons and milk. “don’t worry about it. breakfast?” 

She gave him an honest smile, “Yea sure.”

They sat and ate breakfast together on his black granite countertop. They made small talk about Reys education and Kylo's work life. He learned she was from Ohio and that’s why he didn’t recognize the area code. Kylo had traveled to many places but not little old Ohio. She told him it was nothing special. Rey asked about his mother and her music and Kylo was glad to talk about that with her. Rey clearly appreciated Leia and Leia liked her. Maybe Leia would be happy if they started dating. Between the small talk and laughs there was a feeling of comfort between the two. She was engaging, smart and very funny. He liked her for sure. Suddenly he blurted out, interrupting her speech about classical music, “Do you want to get dinner tomorrow night?”

Xxx

Rey froze just staring at him for a minute, thinking. Did he really want to go out with her? He was showing more interest in her than any man had before. Because her history of bad men in her life, starting with her father, she was always cautious. So far no red flags, the fact Leia was his mother was a green flag. He must be nice and sweet like she is.

Now feeling anxious and flustered she shrugged her shoulders, “Sure?”

Kylo grinned a toothy grin, “Ill pick you up at 8?”

Rey laughed and looked around her, “For you to pick me up, you have to take me home.”

He nodded with that shinning grin not leaving his face. “Go get your stuff and ill take you home.”

Rey protested, “Not necessary, ill just take an uber.”

Now his grin diminished, “Please, Rey. Let me drive you. Plus, your shoes are still in my car.”

She sighed not wanting to refuse a free ride because she knew the uber would be a lot. She gathered his things and met him at the private elevator in the flat. Kylo quirked an eyebrow, looking at her feet. She was still barefoot. Once they got out of the elevator in the parking garage under the building he picked her up.

“Kylo!”

“I’m just carrying you to the car and then you can put on those godawful heels.” He wasn’t going to lie, he liked holding her in his arms. Rey just chewed her lip silently as he carried her to his slick black Porsche. She couldn’t help but gasp. She had never even been in, so much as touched such a luxurious car. He opened the door and sat her inside. Kylo couldn’t help but feel prideful, she was clearly blown away by his car. But he wanted to impress her in other ways. She mumbled a quick thank you as she picked up her horrible heels and he closed the door.

The drive to reys was a comfortable silence. She strapped on the shoes looking very out of place considering her sweatpants and t-shirt. When they pulled up to reys apartment complex, everyone on the block was staring. No one around here owns these kinds of cars. Kylo opened his mouth to say something but Rey had other plans. She leaned over and gave him a quick pec on the check, “thank you for the ride. See you tomorrow!” she ran out of the car and into the building as best she could in heels. Leaving Kylo stunned his mouth still open.

Xxx

After Kylo had dropped her off she texted finn to inform him of what had happened. Immediately he called and she was stuck in an hour-long conversation. Finn had to explain to her what a sugar daddy was, but Rey knew it wasn’t like that. She was honestly looking forward to tomorrow night’s dinner. Surprisingly she slept good that night but she wished the mattress was like the one at Kylo's.

The next day, when Rey got back from her workout, she found a box on her bed. She hadn’t ordered anything so maybe one of her roommates put it in her room by mistake. She checked the label on the box and it was her name on it. Maybe family back home sent her something. She cut the tape and lifted the lid off the box. Then she pulled out the layers of tissue paper and stood there stunned. Hidden within the layers of tissue paper laid what appeared to be a black silk dress with rhinestone straps, there was also a pair of black flats on top and a note with her name in a pretty cursive. When she flipped it over there was note for her.

_For tonight, I hope it fits, you’ll look lovely - Kylo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: this chapter feels a little rushed, ill clean it up later. Next chapter will contain slight smutt.


	5. Margaritas

Rey hadn’t been on a date in a long time. Most of her encounters with men had been just walking around central park. No one had ever taken her out. But who could afford it? definitely Kylo. She stood on the steps outside her apartment waiting for him. She hugged her coat around her but her dress was even more snug. Snug but oh so comfortable. Now she understood why rich people wore name brans. To her surprise the stark black sports car pulled up right on the dot. He definitely earned points for that. Then to shock her more, he got out and opened the passenger door for her. Her jaw nearly dropped when she saw him. His hair was pushed back expect for one strand, he was wearing a suit but it looked like his biceps were going to rip the seams. She stood before him, “hi.” She cringed inside. That’s all her brain could think of to say to him was hi.

He smirked, “Hi. You look good.”

She laughed and gave a little spin. “Oh this? Some random guy gave it to me.” He rolled his eyes and closed the door once she was in. when he walked in front of the car still smiling she couldn’t help but think about being fucked on the hood of his car.

“You okay?”

“Huh?” she hadn’t noticed him get in the car.

“You look flushed.”

“Yea im fine just still not used to a car like this.”

He patted her knee. “I have many more like this, so you’ll have to get used to it.”

She knew he wasn’t trying to rub it in her face that he had money, but she felt glum knowing she would only ever own used cars from craigslist.

“Were are we going to eat?”

“It’s a surprise.” He grinned at her and revved the engine taking off

Xxx

The restaurant was huge, massive diamond chandeliers. The interior was insanely beautiful. Kylo watched her face as they walked in. Reservations were backed up for almost a year but not for Kylo. He felt so confident seeing her face in awe. He hoped she would be impressed. Most girls would be impressed by this place. When they got to their table, Kylo being the gentleman, took her coat and draped it over her chair. His breath hitched seeing her uncovered in that dress. The crystal straps draping down her back and the silk hugging her curves. He noticed a few other patrons noticing and he almost wanted her to leave her coat on. he shot them a glare as he pushed her in to the table.

“This place is amazing. And the music…” she trailed off closing her eyes. That was the main reason he brought her here. Every night they have some of the best classical musicians playing music.

“Me and my mother come here often.” More like used to.

“I can’t believe she is your mother! Such a small world isn’t it!” a waiter came and offered them wine to start. He was listing all kinds of fancy wines that Rey knew nothing about. she looked at Kylo nervously not sure what to say. She was definitely out of her element.

“You can order whatever you want.”

Since Rey didn’t understand anything the waiter said, “Can I get a margarita?” she asked nervously. She didn’t know if a fancy place like this even had such drinks. A big grin spread over Kylo's face. She was simple and he like that. The waiter gave a very confused expression, “I’m sorry but we don’t hav-“

“Please, get this lovely lady a margarita.”

“Yes, Mr. Ren.” He scurried off.

Rey snorted. “What kind of place doesn’t have margaritas?” they shared a laugh.

Quickly a margarita was placed in front of her with a menu. Her eyes widened when she looked at it. nothing had a price next to it and everything appeared to be in Italian.

Kylo placed his hand on hers gently, “Do you want me to pick something out for you?”

She smiled softly and nodded as Kylo ordered for her. Once the menus were handed back she studied him.

“So are you as musically inclined as your mother?”

“Not really. She tried her best to teach me piano, but I was a stubborn child. I’m not good at it.”

Rey chuckled. She could only imagine. Leia often spoke of her son and how she tried to teach him were the same methods she used with her students.

“What made you fall in love with music?” they way Kylo said love made her stomach churn.

She cleared her throat, “Well to be honest, music was the one thing I could rely on. I didn’t have a steady life at home and music was what got me through.”

Kylo squeezed her hand, “We don’t have to get personal tonight.”

She appreciated that. Most people love to listen to sob stories because they are entertaining and make them feel better about their own lives. She hated sharing with people and for once someone didn’t ask. She squeezed his hand back. “So what all do you do for work.”

This time Kylo frowned. He hated talking about work. So many people thought he was a monster, called him a murder. But it is just business. War was a business.

“We don’t have to get personal tonight.” She said softly drawing him back to reality.

As dinner went on she had 3 margaritas and enthusiastically complimented the chef. He was happy to see her happy. It had been almost two hours and Rey felt her phone vibrate. She told finn to call her at a certain point just to check on her in case she needed an excuse to go. She excused her self and walked to the private bathroom to take the call. Kylo watched her go, he was glad he bought that dress.

Xxx

It had been almost ten minutes. Did she leave? Was she okay? Kylo thought back to the other night when she was drunk. Maybe she drank too much and she was sick. Deciding it was best to go check on her he went to the bathroom and knocked on the door. when he heard nothing he called out. “Rey you okay in there?”

“Yea!” there was a moment of silence. “Kylo…”

“Yes?” he was getting worried.

“Can you come in here a minute and help me, I cant zip up the dress.”

Kylo basically busted the damn door open. When the door closed behind him he took one look at her and locked it. she was facing the mirror away from him and the back of her dress was unzipped. Exposing her back. He slowly walked over to her feeling primal. He licked his lips and made eye contact in the mirror with her as he grabbed the zipper. He slowly pulled it up his knuckles brushing up her spine.

His subtle touch was tantalizing to her. His gaze was fire. She watched in awe as he brushed his hands over her shoulder and down her arms. In one swift moment he grabbed her by her hips and spun her around. She gasped and ger gaze traveled from his starving eyes to his thick lips.

Were they really going to have their first kiss in this boujee ass restroom at this million-dollar restaurant? He was standing so close to her, his chest rising and falling as he looked her over like meat. Maybe it was the margarita running through her that caused her to reach out, grab his shirt and pull him in. his lips collided with hers, warm and hot. Kylo's hands gripped her hips tighter before moving one to hold the back of her neck, pulling her in to him. Her body was soft against his hard frame. Her kiss was like heroin and he was an addict. He pushed back till her body was pressed against the bathroom counter, using his hand on her hip he hauled her up onto the counter. Without thinking Reys legs parted as he moved between them. Their bodies pressed together, stuck in a hot passionate kiss. Kylo couldn’t stop his roaming hand as it gripped her exposed thigh, his fingers pushed up the hem of that devil dress. Rey was lost in a dream. She had been kissed before but never like this. She fought back against his lips, both fighting for control. She didn’t even notice when he sat her on the bathroom counter. Normally she would think this was gross but right now she thought it was teenage dream hot. Her fingers pulled at his and she moaned into the kiss. His hands were so warm and big squeezing her thighs. Rey couldn’t help but think of his hands elsewhere on her.

Her moan drove him mad. With one last nip of her lower lip he moved his mouth to her troat. Faintingly brushing his swollen lips over her soft delicate skin. Her breathless sigh of his name filled his ears. He would fuck her right now if she let him.

A loud knock came on the bathroom door ruining the moment. Kylo groaned into her neck and Rey called out, ‘just a minute!’ finally he stepped back and took in the sight before him. She sat there, her thighs still parted with the dress pushed up. he could see her black panties. One strap of her dress had fallen down her shoulder, her hair was falling out of its bun, her lips bright and eyes full of... hunger. He cleared his throat. “We should go back to our table.”

She didn’t move just nodded. While Kylo's eyes were eating her up she was doing the same to him. His clothes and hair were all disheveled and he had a massive hard on. she could only imagine what he looked like under those clothes. There was no way they were walking out of here when he had that going on. then the realization hit her. She had just made out with Kylo ren in the bathroom like a horny teenager. “oh my god.” She hopped off the counter and pulled her dress down, fixing her appearance. Kylo looked away and rubbed his face focusing on making his erection disappear. When both satisfied with their appearance, they opened the bathroom door. A very angry manager was staring them down.

Kylo spoke up, “I’m so sorry, I’ll leave a nice tip.” Rey giggled from behind him and blushed deeply.

The manager raised an eyebrow, “You better.”

Kylo nodded and grabbed reys hand pulling her back through the restaurant, they stopped at their table where he casually threw $400 on the table and grabbed their coats. Watching him carelessly toss the money down made reys chest tighten. She had to remember who Kylo was and who she was. He took her hand again and leaded her out of the restaurant. Once they were outside and waiting for the valet Rey spoke up. “you didn’t have to pay for me or buy me this dress you know.”

He shrugged and winked at her. “But I wanted to. Plus you look good.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the compliment. “thank you but really next time I can pay for myself.”

Kylo snorted. “Rey the Tilapia alone was $70”

She narrowed her eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you are a student at NYU, sharing an apartment with 5 other people and a job that barley pays well.”

Rey felt all her fears come to life. He would never understand her. Maybe she was being to prideful, but he was not going to buy her. “Well I’m sorry I’m not as privileged as you.”

Her words hit him like a truck. He realized how condescending he sounded and Immediately regretted it. “Rey I-”

“Save it.” she turned away from him and started walking away just as his car was retuned.

“Rey, please, I’m sorry. Just let me drive you home.”

“Why do you want to drive me? You think I can’t afford an uber like its some overpriced dress or fucking fish?!” she huffed and kept walking.

She didn’t hear anything more from him and when she looked back, he was gone. Rey pulled out her phone and started to order and uber when she heard a familiar engine revving next to her. She glanced up from her phone to see Kylo through his rolled down window.

“Rey I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that, I just wanted to treat you and a lady should never have to pay for a date, especially the first date.” He sighed when she said nothing still on her phone. “Please get in the car. If you never want to see me again that’s fine but I’d rather I drive you home then a stranger.”

“How much was this dress?”

“What?”

She put her phone away and walked up to the car.

“How much was this dress?” she said more firmly.

He cleared his throat. “$4000”

She’s never owned or touched something so valuable. Rey nodded and walked around the car, climbing in the passenger seat.

“I want you to return it and never spend that much money on me again.” She folded her arms and didn’t look at him.

He was smiling as he pulled away from the sidewalk. “If that’s what you want.” She was being prideful. He knew she came from poverty. She had probably never had a man spoil her. He wanted to shower her in gifts, show her that he could give her anything. But she didn’t want that from him. She didn’t want his money which is what drew him to her. The rest of the drive was silent but Rey had at least let him hold her hand for the duration of the drive. 

AN: More smuttiness next chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: More smuttiness next chapter


	6. 27

As he drove Rey home was lost in thought. Kylo had taken her out to a nice dinner, a really nice dinner, picked her up on time, shared a passionate kiss. But he had also insulted her unintentionally. She hadn’t really told him anything about her life just that she was from ohio and loved music and her life here in New York. His posh self could never understand where she came from. For a minute Rey thought about googling him. She had seen him in the news before but didn’t really pay any attention. She could easily learn a lot about him with one simple search. Meanwhile Kylo would have to dig the information out of Rey to learn about her.

As if they were moving at lightspeed, they arrived at her apartment. Kylo parked and shut his car off. “I’ll walk you up.” Rey just nodded not sure what to say after a night like that. He came around and opened her door, offering his hand to help her out. She took it. They held hands as Rey led him through the building to her flat. His heart started to sink as he took in his surroundings. The walls of the hallways were stained, the carpet looked disgusting. He could hear shouting from above him. He knew this wasn’t an unsafe neighborhood, but it was definitely a cheaper one. He didn’t like the idea of her, let alone anyone, living here.

“This is me”

Kylo looked at her door and chuckled. Her apartment was number 27. “That’s my lucky number.”

Rey couldn’t hide her small smile. “Now this is just a coincidence.”

He leaned against the door and tugged on her hand pulling her into him. “This is fate.” He whispered into her ear.

Fate. Rey stared at him breathless from the proximity and his words. Her hand was pressed against his chest and she could feel his heart beating in her palm. He reached up and pushed a strand of hair away from her face.

“Can I kiss you, Rey?”

Her soul left her body. This man was so romantic, polite and handsome. She opened her mouth to say yes when the apartment door flung open and Kylo stumbled backwards into her roommate. Moment ruined.

Her roommate looked annoyed and ignored the parade of apologies, just storming off leaving Kylo and Rey now inside the apartment.

“Did fate predict that too?” Rey was flustered.

Kylo gave her a toothy grin in response. She was so witty.

“Well if fate would allow id like to see you again?” he traced her arm with his fingertips, eyes twinkling at her, for her.

“We shall see, but I need to give you this dress back.” She was stubborn and insistent. He didn’t have the heart to tell her he can’t just return it like its Macy’s. To his surprise she grabbed his hand and pulled him through the small apartment and into her even smaller room. It was the size of his master bathroom. She removed her jacket and turned her back to him. “Can you unzip it?” Kylo made her feel a certain kind of way. No man had ever looked at her the way he did. The way he kissed her with such certainty and his random soft touches. She wasn’t the type to hookup on the first date but she was tempted.

Kylo stepped forward and clasped the zipper again slowly pulling it down. As he unzipped her he lowered his head to her shoulder, placing soft kisses along her upper back. Rey could feel his body heat and his shaggy hair tickled her skin. Her heart could explode out of her chest. He was being so sensual and gentle with her. Once the zipper was down, he slid the straps off her shoulders and the dress pooled at reys feet. He nuzzled her neck, listening to her shallow breathing. His fingers trailed down her exposed back and waist.

“Kylo-“ once she said his name in that sex dripping whisper, he reached around pressing one of his hands flat on her stomach and pushing her back into his chest.

Rey squeaked and quickly moved her hands to cover her breasts. She clearly did not think this through because she never imagined he would be touching her like this.

Kylo chuckled into her neck, she was shy. He nipped at her jawline as he moved his hands over her stomach and hips. The lace panties were all that she had on now. “Let me touch you, Rey.”

She swallowed nervously. His voice was a low hum now and his warm hands caressing her was almost enough to send her. The black lace was already soaked. “o-okay…” she tried to take a step forward to her bed, but he pulled her back against him, his hips pushing into her. She closed her eyes and bit her lip and leaned into him, her head against his shoulder.

Kylo looked down at this beauty in his arms, her hands still cupping her breasts. He wouldn’t fuck her tonight but he would give her something to keep her coming back to him. He dove his lips to hers, kissing her slowly, devouring her like a delicacy. While his was kissing her he grabbed her wrists and moved her hands away. Rey was so entranced by the kiss she didn’t even care when Kylo's hands replaced hers.

“Oh fuck,” he groaned and massaged her breasts as he once again buried his head in her neck. She was so soft and responsive. Her nipples were hard and begging for a tug. Rey gasped and moaned just from him rubbing her erect buds. She writhed in his arms, rubbing her bottom on him. He groaned again and grabbed her hip firmly to stop her. “Rey, I swear to god I will fuck you senseless but not tonight, okay?” his voice was so commanding and deep. It spun around her and made her knees wobble. She could only nod her eyes dropping. She knew she wanted him inside her, her thighs were beginning to feel sticky.

Kylo could smell her core. He wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her firmly against him as he plunged a hand into her panties. She whimpered as he rubbed her wet folds, “Kylo please...” she all but whined. Her hips bucked into his hand. He could cum in his pants right now from this vixen. He moved his fingers down to her entrance and began pushing one finger in. Rey threw her head back gasping. She gripped his wrist hard trying to make him go further but he was stronger then her. He continued his slow insertion till his finger was buried knuckle deep. She was mumbling ‘oh god’ over and over panting.

Kylo all but growled in her ear, “God has nothing to do with this, say my name!” he pulled out his finger and rammed it back in, she was tight.

“Kylo!” she cried out and he did it again. He was rewarded with hearing her call out his name again.

He slammed his lips into hers, eating her cries and moans as he fucked her with is fingers. He finally worked up to two and she was begging him between kisses. This was so fucking hard. She was not like the other women he had been with. He didn’t want to have sex with her tonight, just make her cum.

“Fuck, Rey you are so fucking wet and tight.” He rubbed himself against her ass as he continued to fuck her knuckles deep. He could tell she was close and that’s when he pressed his thumb against her clit. Her back arched and he let her cry out his name for the whole apartment to hear. As she came down she went limp in his arms, breathing heavily.

He placed a kiss to her forehead as he withdrew his fingers, causing her to whimper. “Lets get you to bed.”

Rey was still trembling in his arms as he lifted her up onto her bed. She had never cum like that, shed never cum from a guy fingering her either. But Kylo was good. The way he kissed her, his deep groans, his hard dick against her ass. It was all so hot and sweet. She knew sex with him would be amazing. She felt her bed covers pulled over and Kylo rubbed her back as he placed gentle kisses on her face. She smiled warmly and reached out stroking his cheek, “That was amazing.” Her voice was still breathless.

He turned his head into her hand and kissed her palm. “I hope it was.” He liked to please. “You still want me to take the dress?”

Rey rolled her eyes, “Yes but I will keep the shoes.”

“Deal.” He placed a chaste kiss to her lips before standing and grabbing his coat and the dress. Rey started to feel a small panic again. “Call me tomorrow?” she had let him do that, would he never speak to her again? Was the game over?

He returned to her bed side and kissed her forehead firmly, “Of course.” With that he winked at her and left.

She sighed feeling content and fisted the air. Maybe it would work out.

Xxx

The next morning Rey woke up in pure bliss. Her body felt so relaxed, she was actually excited to go to the gym. Once she left her room to go work out she froze in the kitchen. There on the counter was the biggest bouquet of flowers she had ever seen, it took up half the counter, immediately she knew it was from Kylo. She searched the massive batch of flowers for the card and plucked it out.

_I had a good night last night, I hope you did too, I’m sorry for offending you, ill call you later_

_– Kylo_

She rolled her eyes. After telling him not to spend ridiculous amounts of money on her he sends a larger then life bouquet. She couldn’t refuse this though. It was beautiful and something all her roommates could enjoy. She pulled out her phone and sent Kylo a quick text before heading out.

**Thank you for the flowers. You are forgiven.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Usually I write from POV, so this is new to me. Should I write a couple of chapters from POV? And there are a lot grammar errors last chapter. Will try and edit it. I’m also quarantined to my campus dorm so lots of free time to write! Also just typed this, this morning. Please forgive if trash.


	7. Murderer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: not the best smutt but I’m pressed for time! Next chapter will have feels.

Kylo's phone dinged with reys message. He glanced at it and smirked to himself. He would win her soon enough. His thoughts drifted to last night, touching her body. Even now he could still hear her explicit moans. His fingers twitched wishing they were back on her body. For once Kylo wanted to take things slow. She was delicate, special _, different_. She made him feel different. Kylo couldn’t help himself as he closed his eyes picturing her from last night. He slid a hand into his pants grabbing his perking erection firmly, groaning. What he would do to have her here.

That’s when the phone started ringing, he huffed frustrated and grabbed his phone. This ringtone singled a bad call was about to happen. 

“General Hux.” Kylo basically snarled.

“Kylo Ren.” The confident voice sneered back.

“What’s wrong now?” hux only called when something was wrong.

Hux cleared his throat. “Well, it appears one of our shipments was... commandeered.”

There was a moment of silence as Kylo tensed. “Commandeered?! What are we fucking pirates?!” he knew there had to be press release, so he got out of bed to get dressed. “Who fucking took it and when? I just sealed a god damn deal. Do you know how bad this will look for me?!” he couldn’t help but wonder what Rey would think.

“I know Kylo, we are trying to figure that out. The entire transport team was killed so we don’t have any information at the moment.”

“Fuck!” dead bodies was not going to look good.

“And it looks like they were killed with our weapons.”

Rage washed over Kylo's body. This could ruin everything. “who knows.” He spat out.

“Just me and the route sweeper who found the truck.”

This was salvageable. “Take care of it.” he hung up. War was a business and sometimes it came with touch decisions. This is why he was called a monster. He needed to get to the office, talk to his assistant and PR rep.

He quickly left and headed a few blocks over. Up ahead he could see the news already outside his building. Shit. He pulled up and gave the key to the valet pulling his long cloak around him.

“Mr. Ren! What do you have to say about the missing truck?!”

“Is this ISIS?”

“Weapons in the wrong hands?!”

He ignored the onslaught of questions and stormed into the lobby. Everyone was staring at him. So everyone knew it was hijacked but not by who or that it was Starkiller Weapons. Like the floor was on fire he walked with a sense of rage and power. He got to the 3rd floor where his team was and slammed the door open causing all eyes to fall on him.

“Someone tell how the fuck the news got this already?!” the rest of the day he spent yelling at people and making vicious phone calls. The news was asking about the members on the team because their families hadn’t heard from them. He knew by now the bodies were being burned to hide the evidence. He knew the sweeper was either being paid off or black mailed into silence. He knew that if they didn’t cooperate Hux could make them disappear 6 ft under.

Xxx

During class Rey was distracted and anxious. She hadn’t heard a reply from Kylo Ren all day. So instead of taking notes on her laptop she googled him. Her breath hitched see the images that popped up. Some in the white house. Some from the military. Some of him shirtless modeling. Upon further inspection he had been named #7 on the sexiest billionaires list in Forbes Her jaw dropped. She thought millions, not billions. Rey got away from the images and started looking at articles. In fact there was one from a few hours ago. The journal photo was Kylo walking into a building his black coat flowing at his sides. his eyes looked so angry. Rey thought he looked sexy with his jaw clenched like that. 

Upon reading the article Rey felt uneasy. She knew he was the night she worked for him. He was a powerful man who made and sold millions of weapons for war. Turns out one of his shipments was jacked and all the men on the team were missing. Reading further it said this wasn’t the first time this happened. It also mentioned a deal being made on the night she was working the event. Then the comment section had her questioning. People were calling him a monster. Someone said her brother died working for him. Murder was the top comment. It sent chills down her spine.

“Don’t go down the rabbit hole Rey,” Leias soft voice startled her and Rey slammed her laptop shut.

“I-“

Her had silenced her. “I know my son has taken a liking to you.”

Rey blushed. Would this be awkward for her education.

“I advise you to stay away. He has a darkness about him. You’ll only get hurt or you’ll have to come to terms with who he is.” Her professor stared off with a longing look.

Reys heart was pounding. Was her professor, Kylo's mother, really telling her to avoid her son?

Sensing the doubt on her face Leia spoke up again, “I still struggle with his darkness and I’m his mother.”

Rey looked down feeling let down. She viewed Leia as a mother figure and did not want to disappoint her. But she also did want to give Kylo a chance. She thought back to the article and the anger in his eyes from the photo. Maybe she was right. “Well I’m not really his type anyway.”

She smiled and squeezed reys shoulder. “Let’s skip our lesson today. You look tired.”

Rey couldn’t stop her lips from twitching into a smile. She had the best sedated sleep last night after she fell apart in Kylo's arms. She shook her head and began packing her bag, but never again.

As she started walking home her phone rang and it was Kylo. With uncertainty she answered.

“Hey.”

There was a pause. Could he sense her worries?

“I just wanted you to know I wasn’t ignoring you. busy day.” His voice was gruff. Her heart twinge. He called her just to try and put her at ease?

“Yea I heard.” She couldn’t help but banter.

More silence. “What do you mean?” his voice was deeper.

“I read one of the articles… I’m sorry you lost your team.” The word murder crossed her mind. He didn’t directly kill people but his weapons did. She couldn’t decide if it counted. Well maybe he did kill people when he was in the army.

“Rey-”

“When you were in the army did you kill people?” she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

This time the silence was defining. Maybe he hung up.

“How did you know I was in the army?” he all but growled. “I didn’t tell you that.”

Blood left her face. He was right he hadn’t. Now she felt wrong for looking him up.

“I googled you.” her voice was weak, “I’m sorry.”

The phone made a tone signaling the call had ended. She sighed and just stood there on the sidewalk staring at her phone. She had fucked up. She said she wasn’t going to do that. Suddenly a familiar engine revived and his infamous sports car pulled up right next to her.

The window rolled down, “Get in.” he was right there. The same face and emotion from the article photo.

For some reason Rey got in without protest or even second guessing it. once buckled in he took off. His grip on the steering wheel firm, just like the way he grabbed her last night.

“Were you following me?”

He huffed. “Please don’t think of me so desperate. I know the route from campus to your apartment and I knew you were walking home because I could here the street in the phone call.”

Her gaze dropped to her lap. She felt foolish for thinking that.

He whipped the care around at the next light. This was not the way to her apartment. “Where are we going?” she couldn’t help but feel nervous.

“My place.” His jaw clenched.

She reached out a hand tentatively to touch his hand on the wheel. “Are you mad at me?”

He moved his hand away. “No.”

Rey pulled her hand back and placed it in her lap. Why did she care? She barley knew him. They had only met 3 weeks ago, gone on one date and gotten finger fucked one time.

Soon they were in the parking garage and parked. She started to open her door but his commanding voice stopped her. “Don’t.” that one word stopped her dead and she watched him get out, walk around and open her door offering his hand. Same as last night. She took it and he yanked her from the car before slamming the door and pressing her against it.

Rey gasped taking in the closed proximity. Sheer strength was rolling off of him. Her heart was going to explode. This was a side of him she hadn’t seen and she _liked it_.

As if sensing her emotions, he swooped down capturing her lips in his. This kiss was hungry, passionate and hard. One of his hands was clasping the back of her neck, the other wrapped around her waist, squishing her between the car and him. Her own hands were entwined in his hair. _Kylo_ , she murmured into the kiss. At the mention of his name he pulled way. His eyes frantically looking her over. She didn’t know what he thought of her dressed in plain clothes compared to the other times she had seen him.

He placed another form kiss before he grabbed her hand and started dragging her to the elevator. Once inside he leaned against the wall holding you at arm’s length. His eyes were dark. His lips swollen from the kiss. Rey wanted to make out with him in the elevator like a school girl. Her fantasy would have to wait because the door opened, and he was pulling her into the flat. Was he going to fuck her?

He sat down on the couch and pulled her onto him, straggling his hips. Rey just started at him in confusion and arousal. He reached up and brushed her hair back from her face. His eyes devoured her his jaw clenching. Rey opened her mouth to speak but found his mouth swallowing her words.

All her warnings from Leia cleared away. All she could focus on was kissing him. His lips were so firm and he kissed her with such a passion she had never felt. Rey wanted more from him. Kylo dragged his teeth over her lower lip, a gasp escaping her. He trailed his kisses down her jaw to her neck, pulling her sweater down her shoulder. This vixen in his lap was squirming just from his kisses and caresses. Soon she would be cumming.

His lips found her ear, “Take your clothes off.” He murmured seductively. She tensed in his arms. No one had asked her to basically strip for them before. He nuzzled her neck, “Stand up Rey.” Standing up she could do. once she was up though he was pulling the hem of her sweater over her head. She stared at him with a small panic. His fingers pulled at her jeans. She let him pull them off her till she was only in her bra and panties. He placed a kiss on her belly and looked up at her. “Relax Rey. I've seen you naked before.” The realization caused a deep blush.

“But I haven’t seen you naked?” she said boldly.

“Soon.” His eyes darkened again, and he tugged her back into his lap.

Rey must have half a mind to be sitting on this fully clothed mans lap.

“Take your bra off.” She must have less then half a mind because she obeyed him and removed it. Her nipples were erect a short distance from his face.

Quickly her bra was replaced by his hands and his lips were back on hers. Rey moaned place her hands over his trying to direct his touch. Every nudge from her was disregarded. She was so lost in the kiss she didn’t notice until it was to late. One of his hands was in her panties again, a finger between her folds.

“oh god.” She moaned.

That’s when his giant hand found its way around her neck. To her surprise her arousal deepened. This was a new experience for her, and she fucking liked it. “Don’t you remember last night?” his hot breath warmed her neck, “You say my name.”

Rey could only nod. His hand remained on her neck and she licked her lips. This was unreal. He started moving his fingers again, moving through her wetness poised to kill. She was moaning and bucking her hips into his hand. Already she was desperate to feel the same way she did last night. Pulling her in by her neck his mouth retunred to her ear “What did you find when you googled me.” The question took her attention for a quick second.

“Pictures.” She moaned as he sank a finger in.

“Of?”

Her breath hitched thinking back to them. “You- shirtless.”

He rewarded you by moving his single digit inside you.

“What else?”

She gasped feeling his grip on her neck tighten.

“News! From today!” she blurted out whining. What was this game he was playing? Was he torturing her because she googled him?

“What did it say?” he growled

“I-it said your team is missing.” He added a finger. “And that it happened before!” reys thighs coating in slick. Humping his thick fingers like a desperate whore.

“Go on.” he drawled.

“Said it was suspicious.”

“yea?” he thrust his fingers deeper. “What’d they call me?

Rey cried out chewing her lip. “Murderer.” This interaction was turning her on so much. Was this the dark side she had been warned about?

“Does the idea of getting fucked by a murderer turn you on?” he snarled in her ear, nipping her jawline, his hand going tighter around her neck. Rey gasped. She couldn’t care less if he was or not. All she wanted to do was cum. “what else did they fucking call me?”

“Monster!” she cried out again as he pinched her clit.

The trusts of his fingers intensified, “The only thing im going to murder, is this pussy.” With that he pushed her into oblivion and she cam hard in his lap, her cries echoing around his empty floor. He quickly pulled her into his chest. They were both panting out of breath. As Rey was coming to and taking in what just happened, she felt even more confused. He was choking her and _she liked it_. He asked her to call him a monster and murderer and she _liked_ it, he _liked_ it. What the fuck just happened to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: my bad habit in fanfiction is jumping the gun with smutt. I want to write slow burn, but I can’t. Especially after I spent ALL NIGHT READING ‘FIX YOUR ATTITUDE’. There will still be fluff but there is lots… and lots… of sexy time. Also, some chapters will be POV instead of narrator.


	8. Secure the bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I lied no feels. I woke up from 2 hours sleep with brilliant idea and I typed it up just now on my phone. Also I know the tag sugar daddy is there but that’s not really the direction this is taking. Trying to make a point of love for love not money.

  
The rest of the evening they spent together on the couch. Rey remained naked in his arms as he stroked her back. They watched a movie together and Rey tried to be interested in it. In reality she couldn’t take her mind off of the 2nd mind blowing finger fuck she had gotten. He had choked her. And she had _liked_ it. Rey knew a little about kinks and bdsm, all info courtesy of Finn and his habit of over sharing. She had never partaken in something like that before. she wondered what else kylo was into and if she would like it. He did have a commanding spect about him. He probably got it in the army. He still never answered her question but she was too nervous to ask again. So she dropped it and allow him to hold her to him. As her thoughts grew more and more wary about the man who was holding her, she decided it was best to go home for the night once the credits began to roll. 

Rey cleared her throat and slid off him grabbing her clothes off the floor. 

“What are you doing?” His tone had returned to normal, not the deep commanding voice from before. 

“I should get going, I have homework.” 

Kylo respected her for putting her education first. She wasn’t much of a reckless person or the typical college student. 

“I bet I can convince my mother to pass you automatically “ he grinned watch her shimmy into those jeans. 

She shot him a glare. “I actually like working hard for things I want” 

His grin faltered. He knew she meant her grades but he couldn’t help but feel like she meant his money as well. Sure a great deal of it was inherited, but it was an easy earning. He still had worked hard in his life. Especially after spending 4 tours overseas. Now that was hard work compared to playing an instrument. He cringed at his own thoughts. Rey was still deserving of respect. For coming through her adversities and being here today. 

”I’ll drive you.” Once she was all dressed he took her hand leading her to the elevator. When they were in it early he saw the way she chewed her lip. She wanted him to kiss her here like a romantic movie. He would do more than kiss her in a damn bed elevator if it pleases her. 

Once in the garage still holding her hand he lead her to the car and opened the door for her again. She gave him a peck on his cheek before climbing in. Such a sweet innocent girl she was. 

Innocent... yes she was. His fingers twitched remembering her neck in his hand. She had looked so doey and flustered. No doubt a new experience for her. He must admit he had his kinks. He would live without them if she didn’t like them. But choking she did like. He could remember how when his grip tightened she became oh so dripping wet. He shook his head trying to Focus on the road his hand firmly gripping her knee. He glanced at her and could tell she was lost in thought. He hoped it wasn’t about anything bad the media said about him. 

He squeezed her knee again “when should our next date be?” 

This stirred her from her thoughts and Rey looked at him. “You want to go out again?”

He chuckled. “Yes. Don’t you?” 

She blushed. “Yes of course.” 

“Then when shall we do it? Friday?”

She sighed. “Can’t I’m working.” 

“So don’t go to work” 

Was he being serious? Rey couldn’t just not go to work. Let alone skip a shift for a boy. She pursed her lips not responding. 

“I’ll give you money for your lost time.” He piped up hoping to accept his offer. 

She ripped her knee from his grip and he frowned. Did he do something wrong? 

“I’m not a fucking escort with someone hourly rate.” She huffed “I’m going to work”

Kylo bit his tongue. He had once again offended her with money. She was a prideful creature who craved nothing more than to be independent, survive this world on her own terms. 

“I respect your decision. I’m sorry again...” 

Rey wished he would put the cars engine to good use and drive faster. She wanted to get out, be in her own bed. She was doubting things would ever workout with kylo ren. He had once again insulted her for being lower income. It really struck a cord with her. He couldn’t understand why it hurt, what he said. He’d lived in an ivory tower his whole life. 

As if god sensed her unease the next thing she saw was her apartment complex. As soon as he stopped she was opening the door. Rey was not about to let him do it for her. She wanted to prove something to him, that she didn’t need a man. He was expendable. “I’ll call you.” Was all she said as she slammed the door and took off. She knew she wasn’t. Now she felt stupid and used. Once again, two days in a row, he had fingered her to heaven. She liked to wait before doing that sort of thing but kylo made it so sensual it was like a drug to be with him intimately. Never again, she repeated for the second time today. 

She sighed and flopped on her bed deciding to call Finn about it. He always gave the best advice. 

**Hey Rey!** He was always so chipper sometimes it was annoying. 

**I saw kylo again!** Rey blurted our. 

Silence and then his giddy shrieks filled her ears. 

**And!?**

**And I let him finger an orgasm out of me again.**

More shrieks. 

**He must be really really good in bed.**

She blushed. **Well we didn’t get that far. I haven’t even seen him naked.**

 **Yet!** Finn chided her. 

She couldn’t help but laugh. **I don’t think I ever will at this point.**

**Why??**

**You know how we are working Friday?**

**Yea?**

She sighed again. **Well he told me to skip and said he’s give me money for my missed hours.**

Now Finn sighed. **Okay I’ll cover for you.**

**What!? No! I’m still coming to work I just... i felt cheap when he said that.**

**Rey. Did you give him back that gorgeous ass dress?**

**Yes? How did he know?**

**You are cheap my dear. Don’t pass up this opportunity to live lavish. Aren’t you like $100,000 in student debt and still have to pay for this semester?**

Was he really suggesting she whore out to the 7th sexiest billionaire to pay off school?? Finn often joked about becoming a sugar baby. Rey respected sex workers but it was not something she could personally do. 

**Look Finn. I don’t have a need for thousand dollar bags like you. If I’m dating him, it’s for him. Not his money.**

**His bank account comes with him too you know.** He retorted. Great now he was mad at her. 

**Shit. Finn I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said it like that.**

**It’s fine. I’ll be in my closet with my Gucci and LV. let me know when you want to apologize with Chinese and wine. Gotta go!** He hung up. 

What a day for her. She had her professor meddling in her dating life, her best friend suggesting she ‘secure the bag’ who she had now pissed off. She had been kissed, choked and insulted in that order too. And now she had homework on top of all that. 

Xxx

Kylo waited anxiously for two days for her to call him. But she hadn’t. Was she still upset about his comment? more thank likely yes. Right now he was sitting in a meeting trying to figure out how to handle the media fire storm brewing. He had a few investors threaten to pull in the last 48 hours. They needed to come up with something more news worthy. Or something that made him look good. The charity idea had circled the table but decided it wasn’t good enough. That’s when his assistant butted in. 

“What about kylos new girlfriend?” 

He choked on his water. And all heads swiveled to him. He managed to keep his dating life very private his entire life. He didn’t think people needed to be included. He shot daggers at her

“What are you talking about?” 

She opened her calandra. “A miss Rey Jakku. You sent flowers to her on Monday and on Saturday you asked me to pick out a dress for a date that I’m assuming was for her?” 

His face turned beat red, not with embarrassment but rage. How dare she try and use Rey as leverage for this. 

“That could actually work!” His PR rep spoke up. “Kylo you have no public relationship and in that Forbes article last year you vaguely answered the dating questions. You have a mild news paparazzi following... she could save your image!” 

“No.” He didn’t even need to think about it. He would not drag her into this. They weren’t even properly dating yet. They had only gone on one. 

His assistant spoke up again, “just take her on a date and we will tip them off. Get a few pics and it’s over!” 

Kylo slammed his hand on the table causing her to jump. “You are going to be fucking fired if you ever mention her here again. She is not bait for this company and that is final!” 

The room was silent for a moment before the charity donation was brought up again. It was decided $3 million to AIDS research. It was controversial enough to draw attention away and good enough to receive praise. 

Back in his off he sighed staring at his phone. $3 million was change to him. He might not understand Reys view of excepting money but he wanted to try. So he called her. On the last ring she picked up. 

**Rey I have an idea**. 

**No hello first?** She said playfully. She was definitely in a better mood than when he left her. 

**Hello Rey** he mumbled chuckling 

**Hello kylo. Now what is your idea? New bomb?**

He couldn’t help but feel stung. She wasn’t purposely jabbing him for his career choice but it hurt because that is the reality of what he does. 

**No it’s a date idea**

**Oh?**

**What if you picked the place and I’ll even let you pay for it?**

She let out a whole hearted laugh. **I see you want to go on a poor mans date? See what the other side is like?**

**I want to see what it’s like for you. So that I can better understand... I don’t mean to offend you.**

There was silence for a beat too long. Oh no. Did he fuck up again? 

**Saturday at 11pm. Meet at my place but take a damn uber. Poor people don’t have hundred thousand dollar cars.**

He couldn’t help but smile and laugh. Oh that Witt of hers. **Deal. See you Saturday.**

 **See you Saturday 7th hottest billionaire.** With that she hung up. 

He smiled to himself. She was so amusing and no doubt those where the pictures she had seen and was talking about when he had her in his lap the other day. 


	9. Mystery Woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter in less than 24hrs. im on a roll yall

The rest of the week went smoothly for Rey. She had gone over to Finns and apologized with Chinese and wine as requested. They talked more about Kylo and she filled him in for her plan Saturday. Then they had their shift Friday night and that went well too. It was in a building across the street from the scraper Kylo lived in. She caught herself staring out the window at it a few times. She felt ridiculous because his flat wasn’t visible from this angle anyway. She was acting like a kid with a crush. Sure he was a little older and not the best social skills, but the way he looked at her, the way he never let her open her own door. Kylo Ren was other worldly.

Rey glanced at her phone waiting for Kylo to signal his arrival. She quickly learned he wasn’t much of a texter, he would rather call. She liked that about him, old school. Sure enough at exactly 11pm her phone went off and his name came across the screen.

“I’m here.” he sounded agitated.

“On my way out!” Rey practically skipped out to him. She had such plans for tonight. She hoped it would open his eyes.

When she came out she was surprised. There he was in dark jeans and a puffer coat instead of his normal long thick cloak. He looked like a normal new Yorker.

Kylo smiled and pulled her in for a kiss once she reached him. Tonight, was hers. He had shown her the life of luxury he could offer her. And now she was going to show him what she had.

Rey pulled away from the kiss and looped her arm through his, blushing as expected. “How was your uber?” she was pleased he had listened to her and not arrived in his car.

“A Subaru is not meant for anyone over 6ft.” ah that’s why he was agitated. No doubt he didn’t have knee room and felt uncomfortable.

“You do know you can sit up front if you ask.”

Kylo didn’t respond.

“Wait, have you never used uber?

He shrugged. “Why would I when I have my own car?”

He had a point. Rey didn’t have a car here. She had one back home but she left it with her father, no point having it in such a bustling city.

“So, Rey, where are we going?” everything was a secret to him, he had no idea where this night would lead so late.

“We are getting bagels!” she grinned up at him and he couldn’t help to smile back.

“This late?”

She nodded and stopped in front of a small bakery. To his surprise there was a long line out the door.

“Why are there so many people here?” he shuffled in the line feeling chilly now that they weren’t moving. On instinct he pulled Rey tighter into his side.

“Well, they normal have day old bagels the next day for half price. But since they aren’t open on Sunday, whatever is left tonight is $1 a half dozen.” This was her Saturday tradition with her roommates ever since she moved to New York. She told them she was going on a date tonight and she would get a dozen for everyone.

“That is a pretty good deal.” Rey was smart. Normally a good New York bagel is $2 each. He had to admit this was a bargain. But he also knew he could buy the entire bakery on a whim and not even think twice.

When they got up to the counter Rey began ordering and Kylo was reaching in his pockets for his wallet. Realizing what he was doing Rey shot him a glare. “Remember our deal, Kylo.” It wasn’t a question it was almost a command. She was bossy, but he wanted to be the boss. They said thank you and left the shop. She had bough 3 dozen beagles.

“Why’d you get so many? They wont last that long.” He said digging into a bag for one to eat. He handed it to her and fetched one for himself.

“That’s the next stage of our date.” He could tell she was very excited he was here doing this with her. Whatever it was they were doing.

“Wow this is actually really good.” He was glad he took her somewhere new, somewhere he would have overlooked and never experienced.

“Isn’t it? best ones in town, I swear by it.” her face was glowing under the streetlights. It was different glow than their first date. She was comfortable in her own skin in her own environment. She was alive. as they were still walking, wherever she was leading, Kylo leaned down to here ear unable to stop his tongue.

“I bet you taste better.”

She squeaked and hit him with a bag. “Kylo!” her face was red. He chuckled and squeezed her hand. He wasn’t lying about what he said.

They walked a few blocks in comfortable silence. He hadn’t walked the streets of the city in a long time. It looked the same but it didn’t feel the same. All because Rey was here.

Suddenly Rey dropped his arm and walked up to a pile of blankets by the subway exit. Most likely a few people were under there.

“Rey!” he called out rushing up to her. What was she doing?! He grabbed her arm and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Relax I know these people.” he looked down and sure enough there was an old man and woman huddled in the blankets. New York winters were harsh on the homeless. He didn’t know what he felt in that moment. Must be guilt. They were out here yet he lived in a palace. He watched silently as Rey handed them a few bagels. Then the old woman spoke up.

“So nice to see you bring a man with you Rey!”

Rey blushed as Kylo laced his fingers through hers at the comment.

“Nice to meet you.” he gave a small smile, he felt awkward and out of place.

“He is handsome, very cute couple. Just be careful so you don’t end up like me and my husband.” The old lady laughed and nudged her husband next to her who grunted.

He knew no matter how much money he spent he would never end up on the streets. He glanced at Rey and found her staring at him. “Yes, very handsome.” Now he blushed.

Rey turned back to the couple and gave a small wave. “Well goodnight, ill see you next Saturday!”

“Bye dear!”

That’s when Kylo realized she did this often, often enough that they knew her and expected her. “Do you normally bring someone with you when you do this?” he didn’t know what to call this, charity work?

She nodded folding his arm through hers as she directed them down the street to more people shrouded in blankets. “Normally me and my roommates go out together. I asked them not to come tonight so I could take you.”

“I see.” It comforted him to know she wasn’t wandering around this late alone. His heart also swelled for her. Rey was kind and giving, thoughtful. He didn’t know a soul who would pass out food this late to the homeless. He had found a gem of a person.

They continued on for a half hour handing out bagels, till she only had enough for her roommates who she promised to bring some back to. Then he realized how far they had walked and they had found themselves at central park. They walked into it and found a bench to sit on. Kylo pulled her into him and they sat in silence watching their breath mist in the air and the city lights twinkle. There were a million things he wanted to say to her about tonight’s adventure but he didn’t want to ruin this moment.

Rey was the first to disrupt the silence. “I was homeless once.” Her voice was a whisper, he wasn’t entirely sure if she had said it.

“You were?” he asked cautiously. He couldn’t help but grip her tighter. Even if they didn’t work out he would never allow that to happen to her again.

She closed her eyes and leaned deeper into him. “Well not entirely. We lived out of a minivan.”

“A minivan still isn’t a proper home.” He placed a firm kiss to her forehead. Now he felt like a terrible person for the things he said. He had to apologize again. “Rey I’m still very sorry for the things I said. Ill never speak like that again. To you or anyone.”

She sat up and looked him dead in the eye, “If you are going to date me, you have to understand my background and know that I’m not something you can just throw money at. I ‘am fortunate in my life now that I can provide for myself. I don’t want to be a charity case for you.” she sighed. “And don’t buy me expensive things. I feel guilty because I cant afford them myself. And I want to! I don’t need a man to buy me.”

He smiled sweetly at her and cupper her soft face in his hands. “I understand Rey. But also know that you can ask me for help, or anything you want. You don’t have to feel guilting to receive a nice gift. I’m not trying to buy you. I’m just trying to show my appreciation for you.”

She gave him a deep genuine smile. She wanted to kiss him; her fears were fading away.

“Can I still get you flowers and buy you dinners? It’s the gentlemanly thing to do after all.” She rolled her eyes.

“Ill admit I loved the flowers. But maybe not that big, it took over the kitchen.”

He chuckled an pulled her in for a soft gentle kiss. “I’ll keep that in mind” he murmured against her lips. Before the kiss could get to inappropriate Rey pulled away, eyes shining.

“Its cold lets get an uber instead of walking back.”

Kylo didn’t like the idea of being in a cramped car but he would much rather do that then walk all the way back. As agreed upon Rey paid for the uber. Even though it was just cheap bagels and uber, he liked the idea of her paying for him. So many women only wanted him for his money. Rey was a nice change of scenery. Yet he felt bad for her spending that little bit when he knew he could take care of it no problem. In the uber he decided to sit in the back, his knees almost to his chest. He would rather sit with her uncomfortable. They held hands and shared glances. He wanted to kiss her but he could tell she wasn’t much for PDA. They dropped him off first because he was closest, he learned what an uber pool was too. He gave her a small quick kiss before getting out that turned her face an absolute shade of red. She gave a meek wave feeling embarrassed and he winked at her as the car pulled away.

This night had been eye opening and a game changer. Kylo couldn’t wait to see her again.

Xxx

The next morning she slept in, exhausted from being out so late. The only thing that woke her was her obnoxious ring tone for when Finn called.

 **Hello?** She said groggily.

 **Rey! Turn on the TV!** He practically shouted.

**Huh?**

**Channel 7 now!**

**Okay, okay! calm down**. She yawned as she turned on the tv and her heart dropped. There on the screen was a picture of her and Kylo kissing on a park bench. Was she dreaming?

**Finn, what the fuck is this…**

_Late night romance for new York’s sexiest billionaire in central park. Exclusive images show the couple kissing and holding hands into the early hours. Who is this mystery woman? More after the break_

The newscasters voice sent chills down her spine. She shut the tv off and stared at it breathing heavily. She could process what finn was saying to her. All she felt was anxiety? Betrayal? Anger?

 **REY!** Finally, finn got her attention

 **Why would that be there!?** Her voice was hysterical. **No one was there?! Did he know?!**

**Rey you didn’t hear what they said before. Someone said it looked like a stunt to cover up his missing weapons dilemma from taking over the news!**

Now she was sheathing with rage **. Are you saying that wasn’t real?**

**Rey it could have been, I’m so sorry.**

**But he… the way he looked at me**

**Call him, let’s not jump to conclusions**

Rey wanted nothing less then to call him. She wanted to curl up under a blanket and never leave. She hated attention, never in a million years would she think she would end up on the morning news. What if her father saw? Her professor?

Finn was trying to talk to her and calm her down, but her screen was blinking showing incoming call from Kylo. She didn’t know if that picture was planned or not. It certainly did look convenient with the timing. Either way her face was plastered on the TV and she didn’t like it.

Xxx

After an amazing night and finally slipping into bed around 1:30am he was abruptly woken up at 9am by his PR rep calling him.

**Mr Ren the news has a picture of you.**

**Elaborate.** They had pictures of him all the time. But if she was calling her it must be a bad photo.

**Its of you kissing some girl. Taken last night.**

Kylo bolted up in bed. **How?!**

**Your assistant sir**

**I want her fucking fired NOW.** He took a deep breath and turned on the tv. **Tell them no comment and beg them not to run it**. He hung up and watched the horror unfold. They fucking ran it.


	10. Can We Talk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning, i wrote this drunk off my ass last night.

The day had been absolute hell for Kylo ren. He would rather the news bash him all day for the stolen transport than this. Turns out his assistant, that he had known for years, went behind his back. He valued loyal employees, turns out she wasn’t one of them. She knew his schedule; he knew where Rey lived. She had followed them. how did he not notice that? All his military history and he couldn’t tell someone was following them? He was so distracted by Rey. His assistant said she did it to save his name. what a load of shit. His name has been dragged through worse and he still came out on top. She received a large payment for that picture. He felt like he couldn’t trust anyone now. Except Rey.

He tried calling her all day, he left voicemails and texts. She didn’t answer to any of them. Was she okay? Probably not. Who would be okay with this? They had a great night, a great kiss and now it was all ruined. He had already smashed one of his phones to pieces over this and now he was about to break his second as he left yet another voicemail.

_Please call me, Rey. I can’t imagine what you are feeling or thinking but I am so sorry. I had nothing to do with this. I had no idea. I tried to stop it. I need to talk to you, I-_

*Voicemail box full*

“FUCK!” he threw the phone against the wall. Luckily, he always had backup phones for this reason. The first phone he broke earlier in the day was because his mother had called him. She was furious and rightfully so. Considering conflict of interest with Rey being her student and Kylo her son. She thought it was his fault, that he staged it. Leia wouldn’t listen to him. Kylo stared at himself in the hallway mirror recalling the conversation with her.

**Rey is a sweet girl! She doesn’t deserve any of this Kylo!**

**Mother, I did not do this-**

**You are just like your father and grandfather! You will always put the damned company first!**

**That isn’t what happened!**

**Kylo! Even if this wasn’t your fault, you would still put the industry before her. Just like you put it before your own relationship with your mother.**

**That is not true!** He spat out.

 **You apologize to that girl and you leave her alone. She is trying to make a good life for herself. Ill be dammed if my own son ruins it.** She hung up.

Kylo punched the mirror shattering his reflection. All day Leias harsh words had followed him. Deep down he knew it was true. He was like his father in some ways, but others he was not. He was not weak like his father. _I am not weak._ He repeated the mantra as he watched blood drip from his cut-up knuckles onto the black tile. Kylo looked back at the mirror and grabbed it off the wall throwing it to the ground. Next he tossed over the end table, the vase on top smashing. He grabbed a picture frame off the wall and threw it. this is what he does. If he can’t control something he destructs. Its all an illusion, he thinks he can control his rage, but he can’t. He can’t control anything except the people he pays. Suddenly a deep though from the rage of his mind creeps up.

Maybe that’s why he wants to shower Rey in money and gifts, he wants to control her too. He felt vile for even thinking that. He would not be like those before him. Maybe his mother was right, he wasn’t a good thing for her. His rage, his greed, his history. He felt so lost in this moment. He was trying for his mother’s love, for her to see the person he was outside of his choices. Kylo was wrong. His choices are what makes him who he is. And now he had to make another choice. If he let her go, would it please his mother? Or if he chose her, Rey, would he change for her?

Xxx

It had been a few days since the _incident_. Rey didn’t dare leave her apartment, the fear of being seen so publicly consumed her. No one had identified her and for that she was thankful, any of her friends or roommates could have. Even Kylo could have named her but she continued to be known as the mystery woman in the media. By the second day she decided to listen to his messages. A stream of apologies, saying he will fix it, had nothing to do with it, he said it was his assistant, he said they were followed the whole night. That is what scared her more. This crazy woman looking for money had followed her, from her home, all night to take pictures of a private moment. If she knew everything about her why didn’t she release her name. as the parade of voicemails continued, he left one saying he had her served already to prevent the loss of privacy. 

He was doing everything he could to keep her safe and make this whole thing go away. For that she was thankful, but she couldn’t muster the courage to talk to him. This was overwhelming. The thought of having people follow her or take pictures of her. Just like they do over Kylo. She knew that ever since he took over the family business, he had been in the news often and there were thousands of paparazzi photos to prove it. Rey had gone down another rabbit hole trying to see if any of his past girlfriends had been in her situation, but to no avail. She was the first one caught on camera; therefore she was extremely newsworthy. Everyday she looked out her window to see if there were any cameras, there weren’t. this must means Kylo's privacy protection filing is working.

On the third day of hiding her father texted her. It took her breath away. She hadn’t heart from him in months. They didn’t talk often because they weren’t close. She was just surprised to see the criteria of his message though.

_Looks like a good man – dad_

So he had seen the news. Rey wasn’t the type to introduce boyfriends, if she could even call Kylo a boyfriend, to her dad. She didn’t introduce anyone to her dad. Now she was worried he would ask her for money. She was worried her own dad would sell her name to the media. She started to crack. During this whole thing she never cried, until now. She was sobbing, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. It was just one picture but there was so much behind it. Rey cried herself to sleep that night.

On the fourth day there was a knock at her door. Her roommates had been periodically checking in on her, cooking her food, offering to her laundry and what not. This time she expected they wanted her to come out, it had been 4 days after all.

“Yes?” she called out. Her voice hoarse.

“Rey… someone’s here to see you.” Rey could feel the uneasiness in her roommate’s voice. She jumped out of bed and looked out the window. Sure enough his signature car was parked across the street. She bolted to the door and swung it open to reveal Kylo Ren himself. He had dark circles under his eyes and she noticed a bandage on his hand.

“Can we talk?” his voice was low.

Rey looked at her roommate and nodded. Taking the hint, she walked away as she bided Kylo to come into her room. Her heart skipped a beat see him in the middle of her room. He was so tall and dark, contrasting against her room and her life. He sat down on the edge of her bed ran a hand over his face. He looked so tired and remorseful.

“Will you sit next to me?” his voice was borderline begging.

“No.” she stood there arms crossed.

The last four days had been hell for him. He had already served two privacy protection acts on her behalf, threw money at his employees to get them to shut the fuck up. his mother had shut him down, Rey had shut him out. He was exhausted and just wanted to see her face to face. He wanted to hold her in his arms like that night. He sighed defeated.

“Rey, please understand this wasn’t my fault. I had no idea.” He was pleading with her.

Rey looked down at her feet.

“I’m handling it okay? the judge passed the privacy protection order; you don’t have to worry about my assistant or anyone releasing your information.”

“How long does it last?” she really wouldn’t look at him and his heart stung.

“6 months.” now she looked at him panic in her eyes. He so badly wanted to reach out and hold her.

“Rey I will file every 6 months until I die. I swear, you are safe, that one picture is all they have, and I guarantee it wont even be on the news tonight.”

Her shoulders sank relieved, she trusted him on that. “Why wouldn’t it be on tonight? Did you throw money at the problem to make it go away?” she mumbled looking away from him.

His hands clenched. “Does it matter?”

She got her answer. Finally Rey moved and sat beside him. His heart thundered in his chest looking at her side profile. “I know it wasn’t your fault. And I’m so thankful that you fixed it. I can literally never repay you.”

He reached out and wrapped an arm around her. Thank the heavens because she leaned into his embrace. He held her tight to his chest and she buried her face into his shirt. “Rey, you never have to repay, me for anything. I should have sensed that someone was following us, its partially my fault.”

She nuzzled his chest, “No, Kylo, it wasn’t your fault at all.”

The only thing he could do was nod and bury his head in her hair. His heart broke seeing her. When he arrived, her roommate warned him that she looked like a mess. And she did, she had clearly been crying, who knows when she last brushed her hair. He felt awful. He wanted everything to be better. This was certainly not a great start to their relationship. Relationship…

“From now on when we go out, ill make sure to be more careful.”

She nodded. Since Rey didn’t protest, he took that as a good sign. Until she pulled away and gave him a crestfallen look. “Spring break starts next week so I decided to just go home to Ohio tomorrow.” In reality she was doing what she does best. Run away. She hasn’t been back there since last summer, she spent the other school breaks relaxing in her apartment. But she wanted to slip away till everything officially cooled down. Plus she spoke to her dad, he sounded good and wanted to see her.

“Can I call you?” he reached for her hand and laced his fingers with hers.

“I would like it very much if you do.” she blushed and squeezed his hand.

“Can I visit you?” he didn’t want her to go now. He wanted to make everything up to her.

“No!” Reys face paled at the suggestion. “I mean, uh, its way to soon for you to meet the family.” she never wanted Kylo to meet her family.

Kylo smiled warmly as he rubbed his thumb over her hand, “You are right, I understand.”

“We can just hangout here for a bit before I have to start packing.” When he didn’t respond Rey started feeling anxious. “If you have time that is-“

Kylo pushed her back onto the bed, catching her off guard. “I always have time for you.”

Reys breath hitched as she sat up on her elbows watching him stand at the foot of her bed. Her mind filled with flashbacks of last time he was in her room. Her eyes widened as he started unbuttoning his shirt, one by one. He wasn’t going slow but it felt like he was. Her eyes were hungry to see him.

“Take off your shirt.” His voice was a low hum. She swore she could feel it in her cunt. Without second guessing it she did, and this time she didn’t try to cover her breasts. Kylo noticed how she was becoming more sexually comfortable with him. He had so many plans for her and her body. He slipped his shirt off his shoulders and stood there shirtless at his feet. He took note of how her lips parted and her eyes glazed. He was the most attractive man she had ever seen. Morals be dammed she would let this man choke her and more if he wanted.

He leaned down and wrapped his lengthy fingers around her ankles, yanking her the edge of the bed. Rey gasped and blushed. Usually in the bedroom she was not manhandled. Having never experienced this, she found she liked it. having him in command, assertive and dominating felt so comfortable to her. Is this what she had been missing out on? next thing she knew he had grabbed her sleep shorts and panties and pulled them down her leg tossing them aside.

Kylo looked down at her smooth naked body. He could see her pussy glistening, he had barley touched her and she was already wet. He reached down and palmed at his erection through his jeans as he took her all in, “Stunning.” Making eye contact with her hooded eyes, he slowly sank onto his knees before her. Reys core was right before him, he was sure she could feel his warm breath by the way she bit her lip. His hands slid up her legs and he gripped her thighs spreading them. A small gasp parting her lips.

“Wait, Kylo...” her voice was soft and nervous again

He did as she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Yes?”

“No one’s really ever... um… done this to me before.” She was blushing and trying to push her thighs back together, but he held his grip.

He let out a deep chuckle, “I am so sorry to hear that, but I promise it will feel good.”

She was looking anywhere but him, unsure of what to say. Why couldn’t he just fuck her like every other guy? What made him so different that he wanted to take the time to know her body? No one had ever been like this and it confused her.

Sensing her hesitation, he released his grip on her thighs and placed gentle open-mouthed kisses where his hands had been. “Its okay Rey. We don’t have to.”

 _Fuck it_ , Rey thought. As he was starting to pull away, she put a leg on his shoulder. His eyes shot up to hers and she nodded with a nervous smile. Everything about Kylo ren was new to her. She had never met anyone liked him and every new experience with him was like heaven.

There was a low rumble in his chest and she felt it in the back of her thighs. That animalistic, dark side of his was back. But she knew if she said anything he would stop and return to the sweet gentleman he was. Maybe that’s what she liked so much about him. His hands moved up to her hips, digging his fingertips in as he inched his face closer. I hope there’s bruises, reys eyes widened at the thought. He was changing her and her habits. He kissed everywhere except her center, her inner thighs, her belly button and hips. She squirmed under his relentless gaze.

“Fuck Kylo! Do you want to eat me out or not?”

That sent him and next thing she knew his face was buried between her legs with a growl. Rey moaned and reached down grabbing fistfuls of his hair. His tongue pierced her and lapped at her wetness.

“Kylo!” she moaned his name and bucked her hips. He flattened his hands pinning her to the bed so she couldn’t move. She huffed and dug her heel into his back urging him on. he devoured her, sucking and nibbling as he drank her up. her clit was being worshiped like it was all he would ever taste. He had her moaning and writhing within minutes. He growled into her, the vibration thrumming her clit. It took all his willpower not to stop and fuck her. _Not yet,_ he had to remind himself. The way she said his name, the way her hands in his hair felt.

He slid a hand up her abdomen and grabbed one of her breasts as his arm draped over her stomach pinning her to the bed. Again, she cried out his name, she was close. With one last deep suck of her clit, she came undone in his mouth. “Kylo! Ommyfuckinggod, Fuck!” her back arched off the bed and she swore she was dying; no one had ever made her feel like this. As she was coming down from her high, Kylo pulled away and she could have cum again from the sight. His chin was slick with her juices, it had dribbled onto his bare chest. He winked at her as he rubbed his face on his forearm.

“Ill be right back.” She couldn’t protest, Rey was frozen in a daze. She watched him retreat into her bathroom and return with a wet washcloth. He wiped his face, arm and chest off before kneeling down again to wipe her thighs and center. “Well? Did you like it?”

She nodded blushing as she let him clean her.

“Good because I did too and ill definitely need another taste when you get back.” He winked again sending her into another blushing fit. Kylo tossed the washcloth to the side and stalked up the bed till he was hovering over her. “Can I kiss you?” he asked just like he did the first time he was here.

She answered for him by leaning up and pressing her lips to his. She could taste herself on him still and this turned her on. The kiss was sweet and kind, different from the usual power trip. The rest of the evening was spent with Netflix playing softly in the background as they lay in her bed. Softly kissing, caressing and holding each other. It was a comfortable silence as they enjoyed each other’s space. Feeding off one another’s affection. When she had tried to please him like he had done for her he said not tonight. She didn’t understand why he didn’t want her to touch him the same way. Rey was very much a pleaser and she felt bad. Kylo had sensed her worry and reassured her it was alright. Soon he had to go, and she had to pack, with one last parting kiss he was gone. And good on his word, for the first night this week the picture was not in the news.


	11. Last Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of suicide and drug addiction  
> now you get to learn about reys past

It had been a long flight, only one hour but her racing thoughts made it feel longer. The day dad texted her, she called him. He sounded good. Last summer he had made it 2 months clean after his latest bender. She didn’t have the courage to ask him over the phone if he was still clean, but he sounded like it. He had never asked her to come home to visit. Usually she returned when she knew he was spiraling or for certain occasions. Maybe she was being too hopeful, but Rey felt like he had changed. If he was clean, then this would be the longest he has been since she was a teenager.

When she got off her flight and realized her dad wasn’t there, that should have been the first red flag. Rey ignored it because she was desperate for something to be good. After everything this past week, she just wanted a change of scenery but not the same one as her childhood. She coughed up the hundred for the long uber ride and when she got home another red flag. The lawn was overgrown, and her car was gone but her dads’ truck was there. The worry was growing when she saw the mailbox was full.

“Dad?” Rey called out as she let herself in the crumbling worn down house. A strong contrast to the places she had been in the last month.

“Rey, baby!” her dad came out of the kitchen, eyes crinkled and arms wide, his voice all smiles.

Rey threw down the mail at his feet stopping him dead.

“You are using again, aren’t you?” her voice was firm, but inside she was breaking.

He sighed and nudged the mail with his foot.

“Dad you did so good when I left for school! Just the other day you said you were doing okay!” she clutched her duffle bag strap as she stared him down.

“Rey I slipped up once since summer okay? it was the anniversary-“

“Don’t you dare use her as an excuse!” she spat out not bothering to hide her frustration. She had been tangled in another one of his webs of lies. She always got so hopeful, dreaming that things would be different. and then he would destroy that hope. Rey wanted so badly to believe things would change, but deep down she knew they wouldn’t.

“Where is my car, I want to see mom.” Rey was really hoping his answer wouldn’t be a letdown.

His face had lost its pleasantries and he crossed his arms. She watched the movement and noticed the faint track marks. He didn’t slip up once, another one of his bullshit lies.

“Rey, I had to sell your car.”

Her body went numb. “For drugs? Right?”

“Common, don’t say it like that.” He tried to reach for her but she took a step back.

“Why? It’s the fucking truth after all. Everything you said to me was a lie.”

“I really did want you to come home, I missed you.”

Rey didn’t believe it for a fucking second.

“That is absolute bullshit. You need money, don’t you?”

When he didn’t answer she knew she was right. She stared at the mail at her feet in silence, an anger she was too familiar with was consuming her. That’s when one particular envelope caught her eye. It looked like a legal document, she quickly swopped down and grabbed it.

“Are you in trouble again too?!” tears started to sting her eyes as she started tearing it open.

“I don’t know Rey I haven’t checked the mail in weeks.” Finally, a truth.

“I can’t believe you I-” Suddenly the world stopped. Her hands started trembling as she looked over the document. It was dated a mere few days ago, from an attorney representing Kylo Ren. It was a cease and assist to not release her information or files would be charged. For him to have this means he did try and sell her out. Slowly she razed her gaze to his. “Did you contact the news and try to sell my name?” her voice was cracking.

“Rey, you were right, okay. I fucked up and I needed money-”

“And selling my car wasn’t enough?! You were going to throw me under the bus too?!” Rey couldn’t help herself as she walked up to him and slapped him. “Did it ever occur to you how much that would affect my life?!”

“Rey-“

“No!! Don’t you ever say my name again, don’t contact me ever again.”

“Rey I am your father!” he shouted as she was walking away from him ripping the front door open.

“You are nothing to me.” She hissed at him and slammed the door walking away from the rundown house and ruined life. He didn’t try and stop her or follow her. He was nothing to her because she was nothing to him. She walked along the dirt road headed to the one place she knew besides home. Out here there was no uber. With no car she didn’t know what to do. Rey knew there was one person she could call who would make all her problems go away.

Don’t be afraid to ask me for help.

His voice drifted through her. She really had no other option, so she called him.

 **Hey darling, how’s it going?** He sounded so happy, Rey desperately wanted to be happy too.

 **Can… Can you come get me?** She didn’t want to explain everything to him. She knew she wouldn’t have to explain anything because he would do anything for her no matter what.

There was a shuffling and muffled voices before he spoke again.

 **Where are you? Are you okay?** his voice had changed to one of such concern. But by asking that simple question, are you okay, Rey finally burst into tears.

 **No, no Kylo I’m not okay**. She was full on sobbing now into the phone

Oh Rey shh, it’ll be okay, I’m coming to get you where are you?

Through her sobs she told him the address to come get her, she wasn’t even sure if he could make out what she was saying

 **Okay, ill be there in 2 hours, will you be okay till then are you safe?** His voice was warming her, all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and listen to him talk.

**Yes, I’m safe. Kylo please, are you really coming?**

**Rey I am coming, I promise.** He was trying his best to calm her with his voice. **Even if you were thousands of miles away I would always come get you.**

 **Thank you** … by now her sobs had shrunk into sniffles.

 **Rey, I have to get on the plane now, I will see you very soon, okay love**? He was really pushing the pet names. Rey couldn’t help but smile to herself, he really cared without even knowing the situation.

**See you soon, Kylo Ren**

Xxx

Kylo was so pleased when she had called him. He took it as a good sign that they were smooth sailing. That is until her request came through on shaky breaths. Instantly he knew something must be seriously wrong for her to ask him to come get him. He was glad she was asking for help, it was unhealthy to think you can go your whole life without asking for it. without second guessing he took off to the private strip where he had a jet. The whole ride his leg was jumping. The address she had given him was for a church, a string of possibilities crossed his mind. As long as she was safe. When the plane landed the rental was sitting on the tarmac. He physically ran to the car and took off heading to her.

Upon pulling up he saw there were no other cars and the church looked abandoned. He got out and was reaching for his phone to call her when he saw her. She was leaning against a headstone, her face buried in her hands.

“Rey!” he called out to her.

She lifted her head, “Kylo?”

He ran over and dropped to his knees panting slightly as he took her face in his hands. “Rey, I’m here now.”

She placed her hands over his, tears falling again, “You came.”

He tried to frantically wipe her tears away, his chest tightening. “Yes, I told you I would” he kissed her forehead gently and pulled her to him. Kylo looked at the headstone and noticed it was a woman’s name with the same last name as Rey, the death was not recent

“Its my mother.” She spoke up as if sensing his gaze.

“I’m sorry.” He rubbed her back as her crying dwindled down.

“She died when I was a toddler, killed herself.”

“Rey you don’t have to tell me anything…”

She cut him off, “You’ll learn about it one way or another.” Rey pulled away and went back to leaning against the head stone. She patted the grass next to her and Kylo sat beside her leaning against it too. She reached for his hand and their fingers intertwined as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

“My mom was an addict. She got clean when she found out she was pregnant and never did drugs again.” She sucked in a sharp breath and Kylo squeezed her hand to let her know it was okay. “My _father_ on the other hand never stopped. I think the longest he has been clean in the last 26 years of my life was 8 months.” the way she said father was a dead giveaway to were this was going. “He couldn’t give it up for me, for my mother. And she worked so hard trying to get him clean and take care of me while working and going to school. She couldn’t take it anymore…”

“Rey, I’m so sor-“

“Please, shut the fuck up and just listen to me, I really need to get it out. Don’t say sorry, just listen.” She wasn’t saying it to be mean she was just saying what she wanted, and he understood. So, he did as asked and shut up.

“She killed herself and I can’t even remember what she looked like or how her voice sounded. All I know is my father and his addiction. He stole those memories from me. I tried to hard to hard to help him and to save myself from becoming him. That’s why I fight so hard to be independent. Its what my mother did. I have to survive for her.”

The realization of her words took him over like a wave. She was fighting for a future unlike her past. She didn’t want to be like her father but like her mother. Rey was fighting so hard and she didn’t want to except handouts because that’s not what her mother got. But just because she struggled doesn’t mean Rey has to struggle too. She didn’t want to live a better life, she would feel guilty. She secretly blamed herself for her mothers death.

The sound of paper crinkling brought him back to reality. He looked down and saw Rey had sat a paper in his lap. He immediately recognized it. it was a legal document for privacy protection. Carefully he picked it up and inspected it, he was confused how she got this or why she was handing it to him.

“I came out here because I thought he was doing better. Turns out he just wanted money. He tried to sell me out.”

“Rey, I had no idea, my lawyer would have contacted me if he had the same last name as you, I don’t get a full list of all the people we sent these out to. I’m-” He stopped himself from saying sorry again. “What can I do?”

She looked up at him. “Just hold me for a little while.”

Instantly he pulled her into his lap and leaned her on his chest. “As long as you like.” He stroked her back and placed kisses on top of her head every few moments. They stayed like that till it started getting dark. He offered to get a hotel room so she could stay another day to visit her mother’s grave if she wanted. Rey just wanted to go back to New York and for that he was thankful. He wanted to take her away from all this. If there was a magic wand that could erase the past, he would use it for her. The car ride back to the airport she had fallen asleep. When he woke her up, she immediately rolled her eyes seeing the private jet. Good, she was beginning to be her normal self again. The flight back was silent as she rested in his arms. He didn’t want to press her for information, but he wanted to help her the best way he could. He would move the sun and the stars for happiness. This thought scared Kylo. Because he had only known her for about a month, he had never felt this way with anyone before. But Rey was _different._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone for the comments and likes. its been years since ive written fanfiction, i was so depressed i stopped and now im coming out of it. im feeling very motivated with this story, hence why i add chapters sometimes twice a day, its the longest one ive ever written. i know theres lots of grammar errors, ive got an editor who will fix it when its completed. have a good weekend everyone!


	12. Daddy Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chooo chooo!! Smutt and feels ahead!!

“You know you don’t have to go home. We can go anywhere you want.” Kylo mumbled his chin resting on top of Reys head as they started their decent. “Your spring break starts Monday; we could go to Florida like other college kids.”

“Not really in the partying mood, Kylo.” Her voice was monotone.

“Right, of course, I’m sorry.” He cleared his threat and placed a kiss on the spot his chin had been _. Fucking idiot!_ He could kick himself for being so insensitive. 

Finally, the plane touched down, but they didn’t move. It was really snowing now, which in March was not uncommon. For a moment they laid there just watching it out the jet window. If she wanted to stay here all night, he would be okay with that. This vulnerable woman in his arms had been through so much because of him. He wondered if what happened with her dad back home would have even happened if he wasn’t in her life. But then again, an addict is an addict and will always put their habit first.

The pilot came through the cabin door, disturbing the firm silence, “I’m sorry Sir but we can’t sit her, we have to put all planes away due to the weather.”

“We will be going then, thank you for the last-minute flight.” With Rey still snuggled into him, he shifted to pull out his wallet and handed him the black card to tip the crew. Rey sighed watching the exchange before getting up and stretching. Kylo quickly got up too, his arm was sore from her resting on it for hours. Before Rey could grab her one bag, he snatched it up. Reys eyes flickered up to his and she smiled softly as if to say thank you. He was always such a gentleman. Carefully they walked off the plane. Kylo clutched her small frame to him so she wouldn’t fall. And as expected he opened her door letting her slide it.

Rey sat there alone for a moment while he threw the bag in the trunk. As soon as she was alone, bad thoughts came creeping in, even though it had only been a few seconds. Those few seconds where over when he climbed into the warm, preheated car. Instantly she reached for his hand and was comforted when he gave it to her. “Kylo?”

“Hmm?” he squeezed her hand as he started driving off the tarmac to the road.

“You said we can go anywhere I want right?”

“Well yes but the plane is already-”

“Can we go to your place?” she blurted out, cutting him off.

“Of course, darling.” He raised her hand and kissed her knuckles. Just those three reassuring words and her shoulders relaxed. Rey was the walking definition of daddy issues. From her crippling anxiety about men to her severe early on attachment issues, Kylo was an insatiable man pulling out the worst in her. It wasn’t her fault; it was her fathers and the life he engrained in her head from a young age. She tried so hard to be independent, not to cling to Kylo Ren. But twice now she had asked him to come save her ass and after the events of today she didn’t want to be alone. Maybe because she was officially all alone with no family. _You mean nothing to me_ , she winced at the words she had said to her father. She didn’t regret them, but those words made it official, she was alone in the world. Not like her dad was ever there for her in the first place, but the thought of having someone else out there had been comforting. Now she was spiraling.

 _Ill do anything for you, Rey._ His voice was in her head even though he wasn’t speaking. She had already memorized his voice and way to often did she imagine it. she didn’t like admitting it but, he had done more for her in the last month than anyone had in her entire life. 

Suddenly her car door opened. She blinked staring up at Kylo and his open hand, lost in trance she hadn’t realized they had arrived. She took his hand like usual and exited the car. He wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her to the elevator but instead of going to his floor she saw he pressed for the lobby.

“Why aren’t we going to your room?” she looked at him confused.

“I have something at the front desk for you.” he could barley hide his smile.

She narrowed her eyes, “Kylo, I really hope you didn’t get me a present.”

He swopped down and captured her lips in a gentle kiss till the anger left her face. “You’ll see.” He murmured against her lips. She could argue with him when he kissed her like that.

The elevator dinged and they walked up to the desk where a beefy security guard sat. without saying a word he handed over a small box with a bow on top. Rey was very confused when he handed it to her. “Wait till we are in my place to open it.” he gave her another quick kiss before pulling her into the elevator. Whatever was in the box Kylo was very proud of. It was way to light to be jewelry. She eyed him quizzically till the door dinged for his floor. Still smiling ear to ear he pulled her in and sat her bad on the counter. “Okay, open!” he stood before her arms folded with a smirk.

Just to draw it out she slowly undid the ribbon, then slid off the box lid and ripped the tissue paper only to fish out a white key card. Rey gasped and looked at it eyes wide.

“It’s a key to my apartment.” He looked like a kid on Christmas.

“What?” her voice was breathless as she stared at it.

“I thought since we are dating-“ his confidence was shrinking the longer she stood there shocked.

“I am not moving in with you.” she was curt.

he paused and then burst into laughter, “Rey I have learned not to wound your pride. I’m not asking you to move it. its just a key so you can come and go as you please.”

Rey could feel her checks turning to fire. Of course, silly girl. “Wait you trust me with this?”

He leaned against the counter still smirking. “Of course, I do. Why shouldn’t I?”

A wave of emotion consumed her, the urge to kiss him in that moment was too strong. She threw the box aside and slammed the key on the counter, closing the space between him and pressed her lips firmly to his. Her fingers dove into his hair as she pulled his head down to her level. The confidence took both her and Kylo by surprise, but he wasn’t complaining. He grabbed her hips and pulled her flush against his body as he licked at her lips asking for more. She would give him more; she would give him whatever he wanted because he had given her the best gift possible. _His trust_.

Her lips parted for him and he tasted her. The kiss was deep, and Rey felt like her soul was on fire. She was on her tippy toes trying to be as close to him as possible. Their teeth clashed and his fingers dug into her hips. She nipped at how lower lip, withdrawing a growl from his chest. He was turning her into something wild. Her kisses left his mouth and moved down to his jaw.

“Rey.” The way he said her name in a low rumble only spurred her on as she left trails of kisses down to his neck. Her fingers left his mop of hair to make work of his buttons on his shirt. Rey latched onto his neck leaving marks as he rubbed her ass. “Rey, lets go to the bedroom.”

“No.” she whispered in his ear; her breath warm. “Right here and its my turn to taste you I think.” She placed another kiss to his neck. This Rey was new and good lord it turned him on. to see her breaking her shell and taking the lead. Even though he wanted to be in charge, he also wanted her to have this moment.

He grabbed her face with one hand and smacked her ass with the other causing her to jump but he saw her eyes only got darker. “You’re the boss.” He gave her one last kiss before she finished undoing his shirt. Using her tongue, she licked a trail down his body, leaving small hickies on his abs. he leaned against the counter and watched her sink to her knees before him. He could cum from the sight. Her small fingers undid his belt as her beautiful hungry eyes stared up at him. He rubbed his knuckles over her check as she pulled the zipper and pulled his pants down his hips.

“Fuck, you are so beautiful.”

She winked and pulled his boxers down, “I know- Oh my Jesus!”

He chuckled taking in her reaction to his rock-hard dick. She had never seen it up until this point.

“Still want to do this?”

She swallowed nervously, her confidence wavering.

“It’s okay Rey we can-” just like that her lips were wrapped around the head. “Fuck!” he sank his fingers into her hair holding tight. He wasn’t one to brag but his cock was huge, by far the biggest Rey had ever seen. Slowly she moved her head forward taking him deeper, she was only halfway down and her mouth was full. She looked up and saw his head back shoulders shuddering. Rey hollowed her checks and sucked hard watching as he gritted his teeth. “God, Rey!”

She pulled off and took him in her hands, a string of saliva connecting her lips to his dick. The sight alone sent Kylo into a frenzy, but her words did the most damage. She smirked up at him as she pumped his erection. “Say my name. God has nothing to do with this remember?”

“Oh you want to go there?” he snarled and grabbed her chin forcing her mouth open and shoving his thumb in. “Suck. _Rey._ ” He drawled out her name on purpose just to egg her on. She did as asked and sucked his thumb as she kept moving her hands, pre cum dripping out. He withdrew his thumb and replaced it with his cock shoving it in, his hand pushing the back of her head. Rey gaged and her eye lids fluttered. He stilled letting her relax around him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out long with the way she was looking at him and the way her lips felt. She started again bobbing her head on his length. It took everything in him not to hold her face and fuck her senseless. He would warm her up to that, didn’t want to scare her.

She was sucking and twisting and moaning her sweet mouth on his cock. Even though she was the one on her knees she felt like she had control over him. She tilted her head and drove him to the hilt watching him stiffen and groan. “Rey I’m going to cum very fucking quick if you do that again.” And to spite him she did it again and again. “Rey! Fuck!” her tongue licked up and down his length accepting the taste of his precum before swallowing him whole again. Two more pumps into her throat and he grabbed her hair so tight, “IM going to fucking cum in your throat if you don’t stop!” she didn’t stop. She wanted to prove it to him. He came with a shout and grunt unloading into her mouth and she swallowed every drop only chocking a little bit. When he pulled out and saw the slobber on her chin, he could have done another round. Instead he quickly fixed his pants and hauled her off the ground and into his arms.

She blinked at him bashfully unaware of how disheveled and sexy she looked.

He searched her face for any regret and when he found none, he kissed her again, replacing the taste of his cum with his mouth. He pulled her bottom lip between his teeth as he withdrew. “You devil woman.” His voice was low.

She giggled and hid her face in his bare chest. “Had enough sin for one night?”

“Not nearly.” He hauled her up over his shoulder and slapped her ass. Causing her to shriek.

“Hey I can walk!”

“Not after what I’m about to do to you.” he smacked her behind again as he carried her up to his room.

Xxx

The light was coming through the window falling across their naked bodies and the black sheets. Rey stirred first and slowly opened her eyes looking at the naked beast of a man beside her. Last night he had eaten her and fingered her to high heaven more times then she could count. And he was right, her knees were so wobbly she could barley walk. She blushed as she looked him over. He was laying on his back, hand resting on his stomach and sheets at his hips. That’s when Rey noticed the markings covering his body. She had seen him shirtless before but only at night or dim lighting. Now with the bright morning sun she saw every missed scar.

Attentively she reached out to touch the biggest one going down his side. Suddenly his hand shot up grabbing her wrist stopping her. His face was void of emotion as he looked at her.

She looked away, like she had been caught hand in the cookie jar. “Sorry…”

He sighed and pulled her hand to his side placing it on his scar. “Not many people get to see these.” She studied his face carefully watching his eyes close as she spread her fingers over the rigid scar. He really trusted her, this was the most vulnerable she had seen him.

“Whys that?” Rey was treading dark water.

“Because they each have a bad story behind them.”

His body was stiff under her hand. “If you ever want to tell me ill listen.”

He finally opened his eyes and stared her dead in the eyes. “You asked me if I killed people in the army.”

Her breath hitched and she tried to pull her hand away but his was still around her wrist keeping her there. “I got this scar the day we ambushed a house. That day alone I killed three people.”

Again she tried to pull away but he moved her hand to another scar, “Kylo-“

“This one was from a war prisoner fighting me, I killed him, slit his throat.” His face was void. Rey realized he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking through her at something from his past.

“This is where I got shot, when I returned fire, I put a bullet in his skull.”

Rey started to feel sick. She wasn’t ready for this conversation. “Kylo, please let go of me.”

His grip only tightened, and he moved her fingers over another. “Kylo!” she shouted tears welling in her eyes. She didn’t want to hear another one. She said she would listen, but she didn’t expect him to be this static and it was soul crushing. She was glad he trusted her, but she could tell his mind wasn’t in the present.

Her shouting his name brought him back and he instantly let go seeing his red fingerprint, shock him to the core. While Rey had a troubled past, so did he. Kylo slid out of bed and walked backward to the bathroom. “Rey I’m sorry… I need to shower.”

“O-okay.”

The sight of her in his bed holding her wrist to her chest, sadness in her eyes nearly crushed him. He didn’t see fear, just sadness. He retreated into his bathroom and showered replaying what had just happened. He needed to tell her; it was only fair considering what she has told him. He just couldn’t right now.

Rey hadn’t left she bed she was waiting for him to come out so they could have a calm conversation. She was worried about him; she did not fear him but feared what hold his past had over him. Instead when he came out fully clothed, he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead saying something about needing to go to the office. He couldn’t even make eye contact with her. And just like that he was gone, leaving her alone with her troubled mind and now her worries over him.


	13. Kiss me, Kylo Ren

After he left Rey decided to put on one of his t-shirts and sweatpants. She looked in the mirror and pulled the hem, inhaling deeply. Her mind flashbacked to the first time she stood in his apartment in his clothes. That’s when Rey realized she still had the shirt and sweats he had given her last time. Maybe she should go back and get them… or just hold on to them because he hasn’t noticed them missing yet. Then again, he probably would never notice because his walk-in closet was loaded. Yes, she did a little peaking around, only to find something of his to wear to calm her nerves. When she found the closet, she also found an empty rod with a sticky note with her name on it. Rey smiled to herself and held the note gently. It only had her name, but it was for her, that space in his closet was for her. She remembered him getting up in the middle of the night, maybe he put it there for her after she had fallen asleep.

Rey ran downstairs and grabbed her duffle bag. The idea of having her stuff here, the key he gave her, waking up next to him, it felt surreal. The whole time she was putting her clothes away she was smiling and felt truly happy. The morning conversation put on the back burner. It was hard to trust him and Kylo knew that. But it was hard for him to trust Rey too. Behind his charming smile and class, there was an injured soul that needed to heal. He was doing what he could to show her that he had trust in her.

She stepped back with her hands on her hips grinning proudly at her bright clothes contrasting against his mostly black closet. That feeling didn’t last long because the shrinking anxiety came back. Too fast, this was too fast. She was asking too much of him. Was she getting too attached too soon? Something Rey relied on too much was the assurance of others. Right now, she wanted Kylo to kiss her forehead and say he was happy she was leaving a mark on his life.

The closet was becoming overbearing, so she left it, returning to the bedroom? _Does Kylo make the bed in the morning or does he have a maid somewhere?_ She thought to herself. _Of course he does, that’s what military men do._ In all the time she had spent here shed never seen a maid or cook. She occupied her time stripping the bed and making it. Her eyes caught the sun shining off the Alma-Tadema Steinway and once again her mind was flooded with images of last night. His face buried between her thighs as he had her laid out on top of the piano.

 _The music you make when you cum is heaven to my ears_.

Rey shuddered and shook her head to clear her thoughts. He was haunting her mind every day. None of her previous boyfriends had this affect on her. She could hear his voice thinking alongside her own. If she closed, her eyes she could imagine his lips on hers. She could see that rare dimple smile he has, feel his hands in hers. Even when he wasn’t around, he consumed her. She wondered if Kylo felt the same.

Xxx

Kylo most definitely felt the same. He cleared out space in his closet in the middle of the night for her. He had never done that for someone before. He had given her a key to his floor, no one else had a key except for him and his old assistant. Which hers was now deactivated. He was planning on giving her one of his cars too since she no longer had one due to the circumstances. But Kylo already knew she would say no. He was so focused on the thought of her he wasn’t paying attention to the meeting whatsoever. As the day went on panic was setting in. he wondered if she had left after what had happened that morning. Kylo felt bad for rushing off so quickly, but he needed to. He had a session with a VA counselor before going to the office. The thought of talking about his issues with a romantic partner was never a question before. Now he had to learn how to talk to her about it so not to scare her like he did earlier. Then he went to work to get everything done. He wanted to spend all of reys spring break with her. Especially since she wasn’t working because she was supposed to be states away right now. He had plans for her, to take her mind off things. He couldn’t lie it was also to take his mind off things.

He was at the office pretty late, 6pm. But he got everything done and now Rey would be the center of attention. Not that she would like to be. He should call her because he had been gone so long. The phone barley rang before she picked up.

 **Hey.** He could hear the smile on her lips

 **Hey, are you at home?** He didn’t even notice the way he said home instead of his place. Rey did though and her heart fluttered. _Home._

 **Yea I am, are you hungry?** And just like that Kylo was put at ease knowing she would be there when he returned.

**Always. So what does my girlfriend like to eat?**

There was a long pause.

**Rey?**

**That’s the first time you called me that. She was breathless.**

**What girlfriend?**

**Yes…**

**Oh. Well its true right? You are my girlfriend?** _Please say yes, please say yes._

 **I mean, uh, are you my boyfriend?** He could picture her biting her lip and blushing right now.

 **Yes I am your boyfriend.** He said it without hesitation.

 **Then I am your girlfriend and I made dinner. See you soon!** Then she hung up.

For some reason the idea of coming home to a meal already prepared by his girlfriend enticed his heart. In no time he was parked and, in the elevator, heart pounding. When the doors opened, he could have moaned. The smell of home cooked food filled his nostrils. He cooked but wasn’t the best at it and traveling for work so much he often had food made by someone else.

“Rey this smells amaz…” his words died in his throat when he walked into the kitchen taking in the heavenly sight before him. She was standing in front of the stove in just his t-shirt that barley covered her ass, long tresses of dark hair flowing around her. Glass of wine in one hand and spatula in another. He could get used to this.

She turned her head looking at him through her lashes. “Hi, boyfriend.”

So that’s what this is about. he dropped his suitcase and coat on the floor before taking long strides over to her. He grabbed the glass from her setting it down wordlessly as he grabbed her pulling her into him. “Hi, girlfriend.” She gave him the sweetest smile and he ate it up in a kiss like candy. He couldn’t help but slide a hand under _his_ shirt and squeeze her ass. “Is this what’s for dinner?” he murmured against her lips

She giggled and blushed as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Maybe dessert.”

He quirked an eyebrow and slid his hand around cupping her pussy in his hand. “Maybe?”

Her breath hitched and her fingers tightened on him. “We have to eat dinner first.”

He groaned and stepped away to look at the mess he made. Her nipples were piercing through his shirt and her eyes were storming. He had to turn away before he lost his damned mind and let dinner burn. Rey cleared her throat and turned back to the stove. “So, how was work?”

While he talked about work he watched her finish cooking and prepare two plates and a glass of wine for him. This small act of Rey making dinner for him made him melt. Small acts of kindness is what got him going. “I finished everything for the next week so that I can spend your spring break with you.”

She nearly dropped her fork as she stared at him from across the table. “You did?”

“Yes. We don’t have to spend the entire time together I just thought it would be nice.” He was giving her that rare dimple smile. If he smiled like that all the time she would never leave.

“A month ago, I just thought you were another prick. Turns out you are the sweetest man I know.”

Kylo was all too familiar with how she felt in the beginning. He had thought low of her too. Worried she would be after him just for his money. Now he was worried she was after his heart. Month be damned, if she asked it was hers.

Once they finished eating, the idea of dessert was filling his head again. The wine was getting to him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her in the direction of his room.

“Leave the dishes for later, I want to show you something.”

She bit her lip and nodded following him. “Do you have a 50 shades red room or something?”

He looked at her over his shoulder at her, “Should I have one?”

Rey couldn’t lie to herself. The thought of him having a secret sex room turned her on. then again would he even use it? he hadn’t fucked her yet. No matter how hard she had begged him last night.

He led her into his room and to the closet. When he turned the light on, he was surprised to see her clothes already hanging. He was going to ask her to leave some stuff here so that whenever she came over, she would be comfortable. Looks like she got the message. He chuckled and pulled her into his arms. “You know, I wanted to ask you all romantically and shit but looks like I was too late.”

Rey hid her face in his chest. “My bad.”

Kylo reached down and pulled her chin up, staring into her beautiful eyes. “Thank you for being here and making me dinner.”

She smiled softly at him and reached up stroking his check. “Thank you for the closet space and everything else you’ve ever done for me.”

“Id do anything for you, Rey.” His breath was a whisper. His heart was in his throat. “Ask and its yours.”

“Anything?” her fingers traced his face and he saw something in her eyes. A look he was seeing in himself too.

“Yes.” His arm around her waist tightened. _Say it. Tell her._

“Kiss me, Kylo Ren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its a little short! but get ready for the next chapter full of intense feels and sexy time.


	14. Just A Man

“Kiss me, Kylo Ren.”

The air was thick, its as if time stopped. He leaned down and captured her lips in his. This kiss felt different to both of them. The way her lips moved slowly against his and the feeling of his face in her hand. The pieces were falling into place, but she wouldn’t admit it. Everything felt so right in that moment. He was kissing her so gently, not with passion but with something softer. Rey was the first to pull away and Kylo rested his forehead on hers breathing heavy.

“Kylo?” she was still stroking his cheek.

“Hmm?” he turned his head and kissed her palm.

“Will you take off your shirt?” he stiffened at the request. Rey stood up on her toes to kiss his forehead and brushed her other hand through his hair. Her touch comforting him. “I just want to see you. You are not the monster you think you are.”

He sighed and stepped back, unbuttoning his shirt. He knew she was wrong. He had so much blood on his hands he could still see it. Not to mention the dirty work he did for the family business. Maybe she was denying herself the truth, or maybe she was just truly innocent and didn’t understand. Kylo didn’t want her to understand. He wanted everything to stay like this, blind to reality.

His shirt fell to the floor and Rey reached out taking his hands on hers. “You know what I see?”

Her tender touch stole his breath. “What do you see, Rey?”

“You. Not what you have done, just you.”

He yanked her hands pulling her into him. His lips descended upon hers, this time with a hunger. Rey was the cure to his misery. Her touch a drug; her words became the blood in his veins. Everything he ever wanted and needed was here.

Rey returned the kiss with a soft fire, letting her hands roam over his torso. Every dip and line becoming a map for her fingers to discover. A soft sigh left her lips as his own moved down her jaw to her neck. Together still entwined they moved back into the bedroom, kissing and touching whatever skin was available. The bed was pressed against the back of her thighs and Kylo was pulling his shirt over her head. Once it was gone, he took in the sight of her. As if it was the first time seeing her, naked in the moonlight. With careful hands he pushed her hair away from her face. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” She blushed and bit her lip. Rey still wasn’t used to the praise, compliments and cute names he gave her. She moved her hands to his belt and undid it.

“And you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen.” She wasn’t lying. She started placing wet kisses across his heaving chest as she pushed his pants and boxers down. This was the first time she had seen him naked. Even his legs had scars.

“Still think I’m not a monster?” his voice was a low rumble.

“Not at all. Just a man.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the bed on top of her. He rested on his hands above her taking in the sight. This was it, its over for him and he knew that for sure now. The way she was smiling at him. No one else existed. His lips came crashing down on hers. Her lips parted for him and his tongue explored her. Her fingers dug into his back pulling him closer till their bodies were flush against each other. Balancing on one elbow he moved a hand to her breast, massaging it as he continued to kiss her. Her hips rose, grinding against his thigh. He groaned feeling her wetness on his skin. She only moaned and moved her lips to his ear. “Kylo, don’t make me wait another night.” The seduction in her voice was enough. He had been waiting because he wanted it to be special, well right now felt like a good time.

“Anything for you.” he smiled and nipped her shoulder before reaching over. He grabbed a condom from the bedside table and leaned back on his knees. Rey was watching him with hooded eyes as her hands pawed at her own breasts. _Fuck._ Watching her touch herself like that was something else. He tore the condom open with his teeth watching Rey lick her lips. Her eyes followed his hands as he slid it on. Then he crawled back up to her watching her parted swollen lips. A hand snaked around her knee yanking her leg up around his waist. Rey leaned up stealing a kiss as she moved her other leg. The tip was poking at her entrance, she could scream from how desperate she was. But Kylo needed to do it his way, this was for him more so than her. Slowly his hips shifted, and he started sinking into her. Reys eyes widened and she moaned with each inch.

“Jesus, fuck Rey.” She was tight and warm, felt so good. He buried his head in her neck as he sank ever so slowly. He didn’t want to outright pound her, risk ruining the moment or hurting her. He grunted when he bottomed out, his shoulder shaking from the effort. Reys nails dragged down his back, her soft breaths warm in his ear. He stayed still for a moment letting her relax a bit before he started moving again. Each movement elicited some kind of heavenly sound from her. His thrusts were slow, filling her up. The way she whispered his name over and over. Her open-mouthed kisses on his cheek and jaw. This wasn’t fucking. This wasn’t sex. This was love making.

“You are perfect.” He moaned bucking his hips a little harder. “So good to me.” Once again, his lips were on hers, eating every sigh and whimper she gave him. He slid a hand between them and rubbed at her clit. He was a gentleman after all and wanted her to cum first.

“Kylo!” she cried out throwing her head back, exposing her neck. He bowed his head down and licked and sucked at her smooth skin. He could taste her arousal. Her hands were pulling and grabbing at him, she wanted more and more. To be one with his skin. This was too much. She could feel the stars in her eyes as he continued to move in her and rub her clit.

 _Rey._ He whispered her name and that was enough she was Cuming and hard. The world kept spinning as so many emotions left her in that moment. The bliss was so good she felt like crying.

A second after her, Kylo was Cumming too, bottoming out and deep inside her. He watched her eyes, the colors of her irises drowning him through his own orgasm. As she came down her eyes fluttered close and he brushed his lips over her face, stroking her hair. She sighed peacefully, running her hands up and down his back. She wished she could stay with him forever like this, post orgasm glow. Forever wasn’t very long because he shifted off her to go get a towel. He cleaned her up first and then himself before sliding into bed, pulling her into him. No words were said as she laid there slowly falling asleep to his caress.

Kylo smiled as he watched her sleeping face. This is what it feels like, to be in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally only write hard core kinky sex. i think for my first time writing love making i did okay! btw i listened to Cellophane by FKA twigs on repeat writing this chapter


	15. Red Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: TW gun violence

So far spring break was going really well for Rey. Every morning Kylo made her breakfast and every night she fell asleep in his arms. She only had a few days left and she hadn’t returned to her apartment. The idea of doing so made her frown. She was so comfortable here. Rey liked her roommates; they were nice girls. But she wasn’t close with any of them. If she went back, she would feel lonely. She still couldn’t cope with the loneliness. If there was one thing Kylo was good at, it was making her feel whole. They spent the last few days doing everything together. From reading with reys bare legs in his lap, fingers lazily brushing over her skin. She played piano while he showered or with him next to her. Kylo even took her to an empty track to drive his car for fun. They went to the top of the building and had champagne. He went out and bought her a bathrobe because she wanted to have one here. But all good things must come to an end.

Kylo got the call that morning from Hux. The storage facility in Iraq had been raided. A lot of people were dead, even Hux came out with a stab wound. He had to go. Clean up this mess and help with recovery efforts. No doubt any current contracts he had with the government would be canceled. If he can’t even protect the assets no one would invest. Sure, enough his stock was sinking. This was his fault. If he had checked his email, he would have seen spike in local terrorist activity. He should have told them to ship out to secondary location. Instead he put everything on hold for Rey and now a lot of men would be returning in caskets. His rage was bubbling back as he paced the hallway outside the bedroom on the phone with an attorney general. He didn’t blame Rey, no he blamed himself for getting distracted. He was scheduled to fly out in an hour.

“Kylo? Is everything okay?” Rey was standing in the open doorway rubbing her eyes. It was 4 in the morning.

“Everything is fucked.” He was seething with rage; he felt his phone crack as he pushed the end call button so he could talk to Rey.

“What’s wrong?” she looked concerned as she reached out a hand for him. Instead he brushed past her, his face set-in stone-cold rage. She felt wounded at him refusing her touch, but he was clearly upset.

“I can’t talk about it.” he started rummaging through the closet stuffing clothes into a bag. Rey followed him, her heart sinking as she watched him.

“Are you leaving?” her quiet fearful voice filtered through his ears stopping his movements.

“Yes. I have to.” He reached out and took her hand in his. He stared at their hands for a moment. “Something bad happened and I have to go clean it up.”

Her fingers twitched and she looked at him with pleading eyes. _Look at me_ , she chanted in her head. “Where?”

“Iraq.”

“Is it safe to go?” _Look at me._

He dropped her hand and resumed packing. “I can’t talk about it. but if you watch CNN I guarantee you’ll hear about it.”

He didn’t say yes or no. Panic was rising in her chest. She never really understood the parameters of his job because every time she asked, he would give a vague answer.

“When will you be back?”

Now he was getting dressed for the flight. “I don’t know right now.” Last time he had to go overseas for a disaster like this he was gone for 3 months. He really hoped that wouldn’t be the case this time. Rey had a million thoughts going through her head. What if he came back with another scar? That would mean another story, another bad memory.

“Will you fucking look at me!” She was losing it. How could he stand there perfectly calm?

“What?!” he shouted back and finally looked at her. Her breath hitched seeing genuine sadness and fear alongside the anger. He regretted shouting because it looked like she was about to cry. He sat the bag down and grabbed her pulling her into a hug. He stroked her back and buried his head in her hair. “You don’t have to worry about a thing. Ill be back.”

She nodded and nuzzled his chest, holding on to his shoulders. “Please keep in touch and be safe.”

He smiled and squeezed her tighter. It felt nice to have someone care for him like this. His mother didn’t even react like this. “I will, for you.” he was promising her too much. He pulled away and picked up the bag again.

“What do I do?” her hands were clutching at one of his. Her eyes looked just the same as when he found her in Ohio. Broken.

“You can stay here, use my cars, ill leave you my black card. Move more of your stuff in or out. Whatever is mine is yours.” He pulled out his wallet and sat the card down on the dresser, “Just in case.” He wanted her to use it for whatever she wanted. Build a homeless shelter, whatever made her happy. He looked at his watch. _Fuck._ He had to go. When he looked at Rey he saw her lip tremble. She knew it too.

“I will call you as soon as I can, darling.” He cupped her face in one of his large hands and bent down kissing her softly. Rey followed him down to the elevator and grabbed one last kiss. And just like that he was gone, leaving her alone in the dark of early morning.

Xxx

She hadn’t heard from all weekend, nothing on the news either. Monday when she went to class, she was a mess. She decided to take one of his cars, only because it smelled like him. In class she couldn’t focus again. Mostly because his mother was the professor. She wondered how she was handling it. After class she went up to her.

“Leia have you heard from Kylo?”

Leia took in the mess of a girl that stood before her. She took note that she was wearing her son’s army shirt. “No, Rey, I’m sorry I haven’t.” clearly her words did nothing to deter them from each other.

“Oh, I thought he might have after he left.” Now Rey was worried he wasn’t okay if no one had heard from him in 3 days.

“Left?”

“Something happened with work and he took off early Friday morning for Iraq, you didn’t know?” her brows furrowed.

Leia sighed and stacked her papers on her desk. “No I didn’t. My son doesn’t tell me everything.”

“I don’t understand why you aren’t close with your son.” Her voice was a little snippy. How could she not know her son had left the country?

“Rey, I told you. He has a darkness. The army changed him. Then he joined my father’s business. He isn’t the son I once knew.”

For some reason this angered Rey. “Then you must not really know him. He is the kindest, sweetest man I know. He would do anything for me. He has helped me so many times.”

“It’s a mask he puts on for you. He did the same to me. Soon he will stop hiding and you’ll see what really happens in his life.” Leia was getting equally pissed.

“I have seen behind the mask, Leia.” She jabbed a finger at her. “It’s called fucking PTSD.”

Leia took a step back and her eyes widened.

“Let me guess. You didn’t know that either? No wonder he doesn’t tell you anything.”

She cleared her throat. “Rey, I think you dating my son is interfering with our professional relationship of student and professor.”

“And I think me dating your son is the first thing to bring him happiness in a very long time.” She whipped around, leaving a stunned Leia behind. Fuck this class, fuck school. She just wanted to know Kylo was okay.

Xxx

Rey was eating away at his heart even though she wasn’t there. Coms weren’t working yet so he didn’t have a way to call her. Based on how he left her, she must be worried sick. At least she was safe. He didn’t tell her, but he hired personal security for her. It was doubtful anyone knew her but still not a risk he was going to take. Things where he was, it was bad. 25 men had died, and thousands of weapons gone, falling into the wrong hands. Analysis showed it was another attack preformed with his weapons. He had no idea what the fuck was going on, but he had a few theories.

When coms were finally working, he first alerted the families of their sons passing. He spent two days making those 25 dreadful calls. He was blamed for all of them and he took it. It was his fault. If he had just paid attention, they would all be alive. He didn’t like the dirty work that was involved with this kind of career. All their bodies had to be burned and disposed of here. They would never really bury their husbands, fathers and sons. He remembered how back in the army he had to let families know. He would stand there holding the folded-up flag and tell them a man on his team was dead. So many of his men had died. He sat on his small bed in the dirty command center, head in his hands. His mind was headed to a very dark place.

_You aren’t a monster…_

Reys voice called to him, pulling him out of the darkness

_All I see is you…_

He took deep breaths and imagined her hands in his, imagined her voice and smile. Slowly the panic and sadness drifted away. For some reason he couldn’t bring himself to call her even though the coms were fixed. If he did he would say what he wanted to, but he wanted to wait to tell her in person.

Xxx

The security he hired was always in the complex watching the cameras to see when Rey would leave so he could have detail follow her. After she hadn’t left for 5 days, they decided to call Kylo to ask what they should do. They confirmed all his cars were in the garage and that she wasn’t at her apartment. So, in a panic, after 2 long weeks, he called her. She instantly picked up.

 **Kylo?! What the fuck is going on?!** she was frantic, and her voice sounded hoarse.

**Rey, Im so sorry, the coms weren’t working, and it got busy-**

**I thought you were fucking dead!!! Even your mother hadn’t heard from you!!!**

**Oh god, Rey I’m so sorry.** His hands were trembling. She really thought he was dead.

 **You promised to call, and I was so scared!** Now he could tell for sure she was crying

 **Please don’t cry, I will make it up to you very soon.** Ill be back in 3 weeks.

 **Kylo I want you to come home now!** She let out another sob and he felt it in his chest. **Someone has been following me and-**

 **Wait, someone’s following you?!** he was going to murder that security guy for missing this.

**Yes! Tall bald guy, I haven’t left because I was worried. Please, please come back-**

**Rey! That’s your fucking bodyguard I hired!** He leaned back onto the bed. She didn’t realize it was security, he really should have told me.

 **WHAT?! WHY WOULD YOU HIRE ME A BODYGUARD?!** She was hysterical.

**Because I’m dealing with terrorists here and you are 115lbs. Easily abductable.**

**I will have you know I can punch really hard.** She was slowly calming down, all that remained was sniffles.

 **I believe you but I just want to cover all our bases here.** He smiled closing his eyes, just listening to her breathing.

 **You should have got me a gun then.** Rey snorted. The severity of the situation was fading away and she was glad to talk to him.

 **I mean, that can be arranged. Id have to teach you though.** Kylo liked the idea of teaching her to protect herself. He could make a date out of it.

**Oh I was joking. Guns are kinda scary.**

He chuckled. **You do know my entire job revolves around guns, right?**

**Yea I know but I don’t see them all over.**

He actually had guns hidden all over the apartment. He was surprised she hadn’t found one yet. She didn’t seem like the snooping type though.

**Rey?**

**Yea?**

**I miss you.**

**You miss your girlfriend?** She was teasing him

 **Yes, I miss my girlfriend.** He liked saying it just as much as she liked hearing it.

**Well I miss you too.**

Outside Kylo's door there was a loud crash and next thing he knew. Gunshots.

**Rey, I got to go.**

**Wai-.**

He hung up, grabbing his pistol before running to the hall.

Xxx

They had been attacked by the same group, with their weapons. They hadn’t even bothered to file off the serial number. Luckily none of his guys died, only some scrapes and bruises, and they were able to capture one of the shooters for interrogation. Which is what he was trying to do now. But every answer the poor kid gave him was ‘red guy’

“Where are you getting our weapons from?” Kylo paced around what appeared to be a teenager. He wasn’t above torment to get information especially when it related to a growing pile of bodies.

The boy was shaking. “Red guy.” His English was bad and the translator was still hours away

“What the fuck is red guy?” he was growing impatient. Just yesterday he had been shot at and got a black eye.

The boy reached up his tied wrists and pulled on his hair. “Red guy!”

Kylo pulled his hand back ready to hit the kid when his mind froze. Red guy meant red hair. The only ginger in the entire country was Hux. It all made sense now. How they know when and where to attack. Hux was feeding them information and fire power. Its no secret the government funds terrorist organizations. Because it means they still have a war and war is a mother fucking business. But Kylo would never do that. He wouldn’t fund terrorists who would in the end kill his own people. he might not be above burning dead bodies but at least he had some morals.

He dropped his hand and stormed off. He was going to kill Hux. He kicked the door open catching Hux by surprise.

“You son of a bitch.” In an instant Kylo's fist collide with Hux’s jaw. “You know how many people died over this?!” Another hit. “For what?!”

Hux reached for his gun still smirking despite being punched. “Money of course.”

Kylo kicked the gun out of his hands and wrestled him to the ground. “Lets see if you bleed green mother fucker.” Another punch and when Hux head went to side a splatter of blood came out. All he did was laugh, blood spilling over his lips.

“What’s so fucking funny?” he wrapped his hands around the general’s neck.

“The image of your precious girlfriends face the next time she looks at you.” It happened so fast. Hux had a knife and he slashed Kylo’s face. Blood dripped down his neck and onto Hux’s face. Next thing he knew he had pulled his gun from his boot and shot him right between the eyes. Not because he cut his face. But because he dared to bring Rey into this.

The room quickly filled with men. A few grabbed Kylo dragging him off Hux and to the infirmary. Once there he was quickly cleaned up and stitched up. No nerve damage and his eye wasn’t damaged at all. He was informed he would have to debrief the president about his discoveries of the general and that he would be returning to the states tomorrow. All that was fine by him. Except now he had another scar, another dead body to his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Welcome to the world of war crimes! And now we know how Kylo got his scar in this storyline. What’s next? His real name or the ‘L’ word?


	16. You Are Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo goes to trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: this one is really long but its important for the plot!!! Next chapter will be smutty and learn another secret Kylo was hiding. Hope you can bare through this mess of a chapter for it!

Rey caved and finally watched the news. She hadn’t heard from him in days and last thing she heard on the call was gunshots. She hadn’t gone to work or school. She let all of Finns calls go to voicemail. She couldn’t even eat. Especially after what she saw on late night CNN. They were talking about some new terrorism cell that had somehow gotten all their weapons from killing and raiding Starkiller Weapons Enterprise. They didn’t know how many Americans had been killed and they mentioned how the CEO, Kylo, was radio silent. The speculations and rumors were eating at her. Was he dead? Hostage? Was he in on it? It was so frightening that it even scared Leia. She had called Rey to ask about Kylo and she told her the last thing was the sound of bullets. Surely if something happened, they would have known by now. All of this was affecting her. It was the same feeling she had every time her dad would disappear for weeks at a time on a bender. Except this time it was Kylo Ren. She was so restless she woke at the instant she heard the bedroom door creak open.

“Kylo?!” she bolted out of bed seeing his large frame standing there. The bag he was holding dropped with a thud as he caught her in his arms. He couldn’t help but wince as her body collided with his. It had been a week, but he was still extremely sore.

“Oh my god you’re here, I was so worried about you!” Rey kissing every part of him she could reach. She tried to pull his face down, but he pulled back. Her hand reached up to touch his face, but he grabbed her wrist with such intensity it actually hurt. Something was very, very wrong. She yanked and he let go as he brushed past her into the bathroom. He hadn’t said a word to her.

“Kylo, what’s wrong I-” the door was slammed in her face leaving her there alone, questioning and wondering. She waited outside the door listening to the water run. Rey would not let him shut her out now. Not after all she had been through worrying over him. And now he was home, not letting her touch him or even speak to her. The water stopped and Rey leaned her forehead against the door.

“Please talk to me…”

“I think you should go.” His voice was static. The same tone he had the morning she touched his scars. _Oh, Kylo_. 

“I’m not leaving you.” he was hurting, she knew that much. But she didn’t know how to help him.

“Rey, I need you to leave. Go home.”

“No.” she said it firmly. That’s when the door swung open and there he stood before her only in sweats. She gasped noticing his mangled body illuminated by the bathroom light. Bruises and scratches. Then her eyes reached his face and she covered her mouth with her hand stifling a sob. The long red cut extended across his face, the stitches holding him in place. His wet hair was flopped over his eyes. All she wanted to do was kiss him and hold him and make it all go away. “Kylo, I’m so so sorry.” She wanted to touch his face but thought better of it.

“Please leave.” His voice cracked. Rey tried to protest again but he beat her too it. “You really don’t listen. You want to know something? You see a man or whatever bullshit you believe. But you know what I see? Nothing. You are nothing. You come from nothing.”

Rey stumbled back his words hitting her like a sledgehammer. “You don’t mean that.” Her lip trembled as more tears started coming.

“Get out!” he roared, and Rey flinched. She had never heard him yell like that.

Xxx

Every fiber of his being was screaming at him. Watching her tears and her flinch he wanted to throw up. He had to remind himself why he was doing this. Because he wasn’t good for her. All he was good for was bringing misery and pain to everyone he loved. It was better this way.

He watched her scurry around the room grabbing her jacket from a chair and a few of her things. His fingers itched to grab her and apologies and beg her to stay but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t put her through the storm that was about to come. He watched as Rey reached into her wallet and pulled out his black card and threw it at him. She could keep it and run him into the ground, it’s the least he deserved. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Rey…”

“Go fuck yourself.” She spat out and slammed his bedroom door as she left. Leaving behind so many shared moments in this room. He turned off the light and slipped into bed. It smelled like her. One of her hair ties was sitting on the bedside table and a pair of her shoes in the corner. She was everywhere. He would get his new assistant to pack up her stuff and send it over. But for tonight he wanted to lay in the bed they shared, surrounded by her strawberry sent.

Xxx

The few days before….

When they flew him back from Iraq they took him to DC. His company was under scrutiny not only by the public but also the government. Based on the past few years of Hux traitorous actions and the fact Kylo killed him, there would be a private investigations and trial. Even he could be charged with international war crimes even though it was all Hux. Plus, he had to prove the general’s death was in self-defense. There was so much more they could find out. The coverup of employee deaths, the black site interrogations he still ran. There was a very real possibility Kylo could go to federal prison. His lawyer warned him that everyone he knew would be brought in, even Rey. She didn’t know anything; she didn’t deserve the extra pressure. He had to end things now before they got ugly. Rey was too good to date a convicted felon.

Finally, he was allowed to go back to New York where the trial would be. just as he was getting off the plane, he saw it was already hitting the media. He didn’t have time to love her for one more night, they were out of time together. Everything he did was wrong, not at all what he really wanted. So badly he wanted to kiss her, kiss all her worries away. Instead he broke her heart and sent her away. He broke his own heart. Because she was right, he didn’t mean a single word he said.

Xxx

Rey returned to her apartment for the first time in a month. All her roommates were worried. They had almost filed a missing person. This is how she got when she was in a depressive episode. Communication and a hairbrush were lost to her. She cried in the shower that night as images of them together flooded her mind. Memories of who they were. She hoped he would come around; she didn’t want to let go. He made her feel butterflies and that smile he had reserved just for her… the one time she really _likes_ someone, and this shit happens.

Well shit would only get worse. She saw the raging headlines, the way her roommates looked at her. Leia had emailed her excusing her from her class for the rest of the semester. Even finn started acting different.

_Kylo Ren, CEO of Starkiller Weapons Enterprise, is the center of a Class C war crime trial being conducted by attorney general Lucas Sky._

She had no idea what happened in Iraq but whatever happened was serious enough that Kylo was on the hook. Finn came over everyday and they watched the news unfold. He begged her not to watch it but she had to. She wanted to know what happened to him one way or another. The trial was more popular than the OJ trial. Rey was quickly learning she didn’t really know Kylo and that Leia was right about him. His hands were dirty from the most horrific things. He would do anything to protect the business. Today was the day he would be brought in for questioning. She watched as he took the stand, his wound was healing nicely, and the stitches were gone. He was still handsome with or without the scar. The questioning started and Rey didn’t breathe for an eternity. Her heart beating rapidly. This was the first time she heard his voice since he yelled at her to get out. The questioning attorney spoke first.

“Did Hux attack you with the knife?”

“Yes.”

“And did you defend yourself?”

“Yes.”

“And how did you defend yourself?”

There was a deadly silence before he spoke.

“I fatally shot him in the forehead at close range.”

Its like her ears were filled with a defining ring. It was self-defense but watching and listening to him describe how he killed someone. Even though Hux was a terrible evil person, and even though he had told her other people he had killed before in the army, it still upset her. Finn squeezed her hand tighter as he watched this mess. He was watching his best friend wither away. He had seen her like this a few other times when things got bad for her. But this one was worse. For a month he saw her so happy with him. She gained a new kind of confidence and boldness when she was with Kylo. And now she was in the gutter and it broke Finns heart to see her like this. A new attorney took the stage to ask questions drawing their attention back to the screen.

“What did Hux say before you shot him?”

Kylo cleared his throat and looked down. “He was threatening my at the time girlfriend.”

Rey froze, her body numb. He was defending himself and her. She was part of the reason that man was dead.

“At the time? Are you no longer together?”

“No… we aren’t.”

Hearing him say it. Watching his expressionless face. So, it was really over. There was no hope for them. He killed someone for her and then dumped her. This was so fucked.

“And what is her name?”

“Sir, I have court ordered privacy protections for her. I can’t give you her name.”

The judge spoke up, “In a trial like this, minor protection orders are forfeited.”

His jaw clenched. “I’m sorry but I won’t say her name.”

“Do you want to be held in contempt of court?!” the judge shouted and Kylo's shoulders shrank.

His eyes found the camera and it felt like he was looking into her soul. “Please, forgive me.” She knew those words were meant for her. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Rey Jakku.”

Xxx

The next 48 hours were hell. Her phone was exploding with messages and calls from people she barley knew. Even her father had tried reaching out to her again. A new phone arrived for with a new number and sim for her from Kylo. She knew it was him by the note and the fact his contact was already loaded into the phone. And of course, it was the newest most expensive one.

_I’m sorry. I failed you._

She didn’t want to accept it, but she had to. He was still looking out for her. The new phone saved her from having to talk to people. When she looked out her window from time to time, she saw the bodyguard from before. Kylo was still having her protected. There wasn’t any media outside yet, but she was sure there would be soon enough. While she was looking, she saw a slick black sedan pull up. her heart jumped as she found a small part of herself hoping it would be Kylo. Instead it was a man she recognized from the trial as Kylo's lawyer.

He exchanged nobs with the scary looking bodyguard before following a resident into the building. Her heart raced as she waited by the door for him. The knocking nearly made her faint, but Rey opened the door anyway.

“Rey Jakku?”

“Y-yes?” she stammered watching him pull out a paper.

“You are being summoned to court as a witness. Failure to comply and you will be held in contempt of court.” He extended the paper to her and she took it with shaking hands, she could cry if she had any tears left.

“Ma’am. You should know he fought this. The last thing he wanted was for you to be dragged into this.” He gave her a sad pity look. A look she had seen her whole life.

“I know. He’s… he’s still a good man to me.”

“You underestimate how much he cares for you. Anyway, it’s not my place to speak. I’ll see you in court tomorrow… try and clean yourself up.” he gave one last pity smile and left.

Xxx

The next day finn came over early to help her get ready. In her eyes she looked like she was going to a funeral. It kind of was. It was her feeling for him that had died. Well they hadn’t died yet but she was determined to rid herself of them.

It was public information that she was subpoenaed to court and now there was a fire storm outside her building but now there were 3 bald bodyguards there for her along with a black sedan to take her there. She so badly wanted to use an uber, but it had to be this way. It was early April now but she still wore her usual coat clutching it around herself hoping to disappear. As soon as she stepped out the door there was a guard on each side of her basically lifting her off her feet moving her to the sedan. She had only be outside a matter of seconds but the people screaming her name and shouting questions at her was enough to deter her from ever wanting to be famous. She thought Kylo would be in the car, but he wasn’t. just her and the drive. The ride to the courthouse was agonizing. If a few months ago someone said this is where she would be, she would laugh. But this was her current reality. She wanted to wish she never met Kylo to save herself from all this. But she was glad for the time she spent with him. He would have a long-lasting impact on her life. He showed her it was okay to reach out. He showed her she didn’t have to go at it alone.

Her reminiscing was cut short as the car pulled up. once again, she was flanked by the bodyguards helping her up the steps and shield her best they could from the camera. Once she was cleared through the metal detectors, she was shuffled into the giant court room and sat next to two men in military uniform. Her mouth was dry as she took in all the cameras. Eventually her eyes landed on Kylo. He was staring holes into her. Rey lips parted gasping softly as she took him in. He was several feet away but just being in the same room as him…

As if sensing her thoughts, he took a step in her direction, but his lawyer grabbed his arm stopping him. He stood there for a moment just staring before he sighed and sat back down and put his head in his hands. Her throat tightened watching him. This isn’t what either of them wanted.

The judge slammed the gavel letting them know court was in session. One by one the people on her bench went up to give character testimony and answer minor questions. It turns out the military men were from years ago on Kylo's platoon. They spoke so highly of him. As the day dragged on, Rey was finally called to the stand. She was last. She couldn’t take her eyes off Kylo as she sat there waiting for the questioning to start. His jaw clenched and Rey knew him too well. He was trying to keep his mouth shut from saying something he shouldn’t.

“Rey, were you in a romantic relationship with that man over there?” the attorney pointed at Kylo.

“Yes, I was.” She almost said _‘yes, I am’_ but that was a lie now.

“And did you spend a bit of time at his place?”

“Yes, he um, he gave me some closet space.” She wasn’t sure if that was too much information, but she couldn’t help but notice Kylo's lips twitch, like he was trying not to smile.

“Did he ever talk to you about work or what he did?

“He did but it was so vague, he didn’t like talking about it and I didn’t want to push him.” Kylo knew that to be true. She respected his wishes when it came to talking about hard things. \

“So, you didn’t know anything about the terrorism trades happening?”

“No I didn’t.” everything she had learned in the past 2 weeks of the trial was new. Everything was a surprise to her.

“I have no further questions. Would you like to give a character testimony?”

Rey looked down at the note she had prepared. “Yes, I would.” She looked directly at Kylo as he leaned forward in his seat. “Kylo is the most kindhearted man I know. He showed me how to trust and how to live. Even though we aren’t together anymore, I will still defend him. While I do believe murder is wrong, I think Kylo's reasons are justifiable. Something he always said to me was he would do anything for me. And he did. He rescued me and he opened my eyes. The actions of general Hux should not fall onto Kylo Ren’s shoulders. He doesn’t deserve this blame.” A single tear slid down her check. “He only deserves kindness and whatever love the world has to offer him.”

Xxx

Listening to Rey speak that way about him. The way she looked at him. He had fucked up, big time. He would take it all back if he could. Rey was dismissed from the stand and his eyes followed her as she went back to her bench. It took every ounce of his being not to run to her.

The judged asked everyone to rise because he had a verdict. This wasn’t a jury trial it was all up to that one man.

“The federal government court has found Kylo Ren, not guilty of war crimes. It is clear it was all orchestrated by general Hux. However, Starkiller Weapons Enterprise must pay all the related fines and reimbursement of the families and be under new sanctions for the next 5 years. As for the death of general Hux, it was in self-defense and Kylo Ren will not be charged. Court dismissed.”

As soon as he said that Rey bolted for the door but a familiar large hand grabbed her wrist pulling her back. When she looked up sure enough it was Kylo.

“What do you want?” she hissed at him lowly.

“Did you mean what you said?” his eyes were pleading with her.

“Did you mean what you said when you said I was nothing?” she ripped out of his grip. He was not going to do this to her in front of everyone. He looked so wounded.

“Rey, I didn’t, let me explain-”

“No let me explain something to you. My life is ruined, and my heart is broken.” She shoved at his chest, but he didn’t move.

“And you don’t think mine is broken too?” he tried again reaching for her, but she backed away. This is all she knew, runaway.

“I can’t do this with you.” she frantically wiped away her tears and took off weaving through the people, the guards helping her get the fuck out of there. Once back at her apartment she cried out her soul to finn because he was the only one who would listen. He said she looked like a hot housewife on tv and that made her laugh a little. Soon her tears were replaced by tequila. But if alcohol did anything for her, it made her make bad choices. After finn left around 1 am, she fished through her wallet and pulled out the plastic white card. It was time for another bad decision.


	17. Tell Me What You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is 100% fucking

The elevator door dinged and when they opened Kylo was already standing there, arms folded and scowling. Like he had been expecting her. More like he had security cameras. Rey stumbled out of the elevator from drunkenness and the heels she hadn’t taken off from earlier. She slid off her coat and flung it to the side revealing the black dress she had worn to court.

Kylo didn’t take his eyes off her as she approached him. She was here and she was drunk. She was also not his concern anymore. He hated himself for thinking that. He still cared about her and he always would. Like how her drinking always slightly worried him, addiction is a genetic trait after all. By no means was she an alcoholic. But she was in her 20’s and it was ‘normal’ to drink to cope. And that’s what she must be doing now. Coping.

“Rey, what are you doing here?” there was a firmness in his voice and for some reason it angered her. She searched her mind for an excuse as to why she was here at 1 am drunk off her ass. To get her stuff? Return his key? To say I love you?

“There was something I forgot.” She stood before him and his smell was more intoxicating than anything she had drank before. She almost forgot how good he smelled.

“You came here at one in the morning to get your shit?” he looked angry, good. The red scar was a symbol of his rage. She still wanted to kiss it.

“No, but I really wanted to do this!” Reys open palm collided with his face, a loud smack resonating through the apartment, sending his head to the side. There was a long silence with only the sound of her rapid breathing. Slowly a red handprint started to spear on his check over the scar. Oh no, why did I do that! She did want to hit him, but she wished she hadn’t. When he slowly turned his face back to her, he stared her down with such intensity. He should tell her to go. He should rid himself of her. But instead he couldn’t stop him self from grabbing her arm and hair, pulling her into a kiss. To his surprise he found Rey was kissing him back matching his ferocity. There was so much pent up tension and anger between the both of them, they needed this night.

His hand tugged reys head back by her hair, a whimper leaving her lips.

“Why the fuck are you here?” Kylo snarled, his jaw clenching.

“I don’t… I don’t know.” Her soft voice was music to his ears. But her answer wasn’t good enough. He knew what she wanted and why she was here the minute he saw her in the elevator.

“Don’t be coy now, Rey. You came all the way out here for something.” He yanked her hair again and her eyes fluttered closed. She could feel the wetness between her legs, he was right. She did come here for something. _Him._

“You… Kylo…” Rey leaned up to kiss him again but suddenly a hand on her throat stopped her. He wasn’t applying pressure yet, just holding her there.

“Say it.” he hissed in her ear, nipping at her jaw line. Her sweet soft skin, he wanted to devour her.

“I want you to kiss me!” she was getting frustrated by this game he was playing. But it was a game she started by coming here. She moved her hands to his arm in a failing attempt to get him to let go. There was no point in fighting him. He was much stronger than her.

“Oh no darling. I think you want much more then that.” That’s when his grip tightened. Rey wanted _this_. This dominating controlling part of him. Because she didn’t want to be in control for once. Instead she wanted Kylo to take care of her, even if it was only for one night. She wanted to let go.

Rey instinctively opened her mouth to get air as she started feeling lightheaded. But she didn’t want him to stop. He let go only to grab her jaw, his long fingers squeezing her face. “Open that fucking mouth.” She didn’t even think about it as she did. She would do anything he asked of her. Kylo looked down on her smugly as he tilted her head back and then spit in her mouth. Her eyes shot open as she rolled her tongue around her mouth.

“Kylo!”

“Oh please. You like this shit just as much as I do.” Again, he was right. He grabbed her arm and yanked her in the direction of the living room. She stumbled after him in her heels, heart pounding in her chest. The anticipation, what would he do to her.

When they got to the couch, Kylo grabbed her and spun her around, shoving her over the back of it. Rey yelped as her face collided with the cushion, she was now folded over the couch. Her ass at the perfect angle and her toes barley grazing the floor. She tried to lean up but a hand shoved her back down at the same time his hips pressed against her backside. His clothed erection was firm and pressing against her. She couldn’t help but push back against him. Kylo groaned and stepped back making her whine.

“You have to tell me what you want.” His large hands snaked up the back of her thighs as he pushed the dress up around her hips. Exposing her ass and a familiar pair of black lace panties.

“Fucking Christ, Rey! Did you wear these in court today?” he ripped them off her and shoved them in his sweatpants pocket.

“So what if I did?” her thighs were already trembling. She could feel his eyes on her wet exposed core. She desperately wanted him to touch her, so desperately she started rolling her hips, humping the back of the couch. Kylo put a quick stop to her movements by smacking her ass causing her to cry out. Only fair since she hit him first.

“You wore them for me, didn’t you?” he spanked her again, watching with huger as her pale skin turned red.

“Yes!” she whimpered burying her face in the cushion. His hands were massaging the pain from her ass as fingers got closer and closer to her center. He traced a finger over her slit and she moaned.

“Rey… Tell me what you want.” he said in a warning tone. She groaned in frustration and twisted her head to look at him.

“I want you to fuck me okay?!”

A sultry smile spread over his face as he started pushing down his sweats.

“See? That wasn’t so hard was it?”

She rolled her eyes and went back to hiding her blushing face.

Kylo took a minute to admire this woman bent over before him. She had changed so much since when he met her. She was shy and cold. Now she was bold and spoke up. _Just for tonight._ He had to remind himself. She moaned his name and he watched her fingers tighten on the fabric. She was needy for him. But in more ways then one.

Finally having enough of watching her squirm. He lined up his cock with her entrance, coating the tip in her juices. Rey tried to move against him but the grip on her hips was impossible. He had complete control over her body and she liked it.

“Kyylooo!” she whined as his tip rubbed between her folds. And just like that he rammed into her to the hilt, she screamed in pleasure and pain. Nothing was going to be gentle about this.

“Fuck, Rey!” so tight, so wet, her screams and cries filled his ears as he began brutally fucking her. He slammed in and out of her, hips bounding off her perfect ass. He could already see bruises from his fingertips.

Rey felt like the world was spinning. The way he was fucking her was like nothing else she had ever experienced. The pain and roughness, she never knew she liked this before. Every thrust into her she let out a strangled cry and moan.

“So good- Ah!” a hand was in her hair pulling her up and another was wrapped around her throat.

“You pretend to be all innocent,” he grunted in her ear, tightening his grip. “Truth is, you are a dirty fucking slut.” He dropped the hand from her hair and snaked around her, grabbing a breast still contained by that sinful dress. Her cunt started to tighten around his girth and by the way she was trembling he could tell she was close. “Tell me what you want, Rey.” He whispered in her ear. His hand loosed to allow her to speak.

“I want to cum, Kylo, please.. oh fuck!” She screamed Cumming hard on his dick her back arching. Kylo dropped her and grabbed onto her hips again, fucking her into oblivion. She was shaking so bad, mumbling nonsense and as she came down her body went slack. Only small whimpers leaving her swollen parted lips. He almost came in her, he so badly wanted to. The thought of filling her up and watching his cum dribble out of her gaping hole. Instead he pulled out with a ‘pop’ and jerked his orgasm onto her red and bruised ass. He shouted obscenities as his seed shot all over her, watching her own juices drip down her legs and onto the floor.

Once he finished pulled his sweats back up and nudged Rey. She groaned in response. Kylo smiled to himself pleased with his work. She was ready to pass out, her entire body felt like jello. As usual, Kylo retreated into the kitchen to grab a wet washcloth. When he returned, he wiped off her legs, himself and the floor. He would always take care of her.

“Come on darling, lets go to bed.” He heaved her up and into his arms and carried her up to his room bridal style. Her head lolled against his chest, her soft breaths fanning his neck. Once in his room he laid her down on her usual side of the bed. _Where she belongs_ , he thought. He removed her dress and his heart dropped. She felt light when he carried her but now he saw everything. She looked so thin and fragile. He couldn’t help but blame that on himself. She had been under so much stress and worry all because of him. Kylo made a mental note to make her the biggest breakfast in the morning as he went to the closet to grab a shirt of his to wear. Her clothes were still there hanging in his closet, but he wanted her in one of his shirts. What could he say, he was selfish when it came to Rey.

After sliding her into his shirt, he slipped under the covers and pulled her body into his. Instantly she wrapped around him like a vice and he tucked her head against his chest. And then ever so quietly, almost as if she never said it, Rey whispered, “I think I’m in love with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im finally being kicked off campus because covid19. it'll be a long move out process because home is very far away. might not be an update for a week. ;(. thank you too everyone who comments. literally makes me scream lol


	18. Tangible, Kissable, Passionate Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex. Ben Solo. The "L" Word. In that order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Another chapter written by drunk me. This is how I spend my Saturday nights, alone with vodka and Microsoft word. Also still in the moving process but I’m so obsessed with my own story I couldn’t help myself from writing another chapter.

The next morning Rey woke up the smell of bacon and coffee. She also woke up to a throbbing headache and a deep soreness between her legs. The faintest smile graced her lips as she remembered last night. His large hands on her hips and neck, his cock slamming in and out till she screamed. Rey squirmed under the covers still groggy from her hangover but getting aroused. The bed shifted and Rey slowly opened her eyes. Kylo was hovering over her with a sly grin, his long hair tickling her checks.

“What were you thinking about?”

“You.” she smiled and reached up tracing his scar with her fingers. He flinched at first to the touch and then he leaned into it.

“What do you think of it?” he wasn’t self-conscious about it, but he did care what she thought of him.

“I think it adds character, I think you are still the same gorgeous man,” _that I fell in love with_ , she finished the last part in her head.

“Not as gorgeous as you.” he leaned down and kissed her. Rey sighed into the kiss, she loved it when he kissed her because everything else disappeared. It was just them. Kylo sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and grazed it with his teeth. He saw the hunger in her eyes. His lips brushed down her skin, across her collarbone, his ears filled with her short pants. Finally, his lips reached her ear. She closed her eyes chewing her lip waiting for him to speak.

“I made breakfast.” He laughed and started pulling away, but Rey had other intentions for playing her like that. Her knees pressed against his hips and she rolled him over ending up on his chest. He quirked an eyebrow and rested his hands on her bare thighs.

“Oh yea? So did I.” Rey smirked at him as she peeled off his shirt she couldn’t remember putting on. Matter of fact, everything post orgasm was lost to her memory.

Rey was the one smirking but Kylo was the one who felt like wining. He remembered the first time he went down on her. She was all anxious and now she was demanding it from him. It was that confidence she grew everyday she was with him, Kylo Ren changed her bit by bit.

She tossed the shirt aside and instantly his hands slid up her torso till he could palm both her breasts. A perfect mold for his hands. Rey bit her lip as she looked down at him, her fingers tracing through his dark hair. His long hair was sexy and was great for gripping onto as she rose of his chest and started lowering herself onto his face. Instantly his tongue met her, lapping up and down. One of his hands moved to her ass, pulling her cunt closer till his open mouth enveloped her wet folds. She moaned and ground into his face, this was addiction.

Kylo drove his tongue into her, sucking up her juices. Best breakfast in bed he ever had. Rey ground her clit against his nose, she didn’t even know if he could breath. He seemed to be fine though because he continued to eat her up with an eagerness as his fingers dug into her skin.

The only sound filling the room was the sound of her moaning his name and the sound of his lips on her wet pussy. Her thighs quivered around his head, telling him she was close. He focused all his attention on her clit, sucking it into his mouth making her cry out his name. His fingers toyed her nipples as he sucked away. Rey came hard, pushing down on his face as her back bent, saying his name. Kylo ate it up, listening to her and feeling her body move around him. He would never tire of her body.

Once she came down, she slowly slid off of him and rested beside him. Blush covered her checks as she looked at his face covered in slick and hair a mess. His erection didn’t go unnoticed either. He sensed her looking but he wasn’t going to ruin her power trip.

“Why don’t you get dressed and meet me downstairs for breakfast.” He kissed her forehead and slid out of bed leaving for the kitchen. Rey laid there for a moment lost in thought. Her plan had ben to wake up before him and sneak out. Obviously hungover her had other plans and now she didn’t know what to do. The idea of fleeing was still in her mind, but he did make her breakfast, plus he just let her face fuck him and she didn’t want to be rude. It was decided then.

She got dressed in leggings and a sweater and made her way to the kitchen. She knew were everything was now because she had spent so much time here. A smile lit up her face as she took in the sight before her. The table was covered in food from crepes to tarts. Breakfast was the only thing he could cook good. They had fallen into a routine where he made breakfast, they did something for lunch and she would make dinner. But that was back before this mess was created.

He smiled seeing her smile. His life was so bland before her, just work and parties and string of women he couldn’t remember. Now there was light and happiness. After what she said last night he so badly wanted to say it back.

_I think I’m in love with you_

It sent chills down his spine just thinking about it. but he beat his brain into believing she didn’t mean it. She was drunk, she was talking about the sex, she was in love with… not him. Did she even remember saying it?

He pulled out her chair for her as always before taking the seat next to her.

“You made all this just for the two of us?” she bumped her shoulder into his.

“I did. That a problem?” he bumped her back.

“No, its… its really nice. Thank you.” he sensed a sadness in her voice. No, not sadness. Regret.

The meal went on in silence, both lost in their own heads. They each wanted the same thing from each other but were too afraid to ask. It was too soon. Reys heart needed healing and she had to figure out how she felt about Kylo and his job. Meanwhile Kylo needed to figure out what it is he really wanted, something in his life would have to change. Once they both finished, he took her hand in hers.

“Rey, I want to show you something.” She nodded and let him lead her to one of the other rooms down the hall from his. She was proud to say she hadn’t snooped. When he opened the door, she was completely taken by surprise. There were 3 folded flags on the wall with lights above them. underneath a glass case with pairs of boots. Another wall was covered in pictures. She could see Kylo in several of them, popping his head out of a tank or hugging his comrades. There was another case full of medals and his uniforms hung on the walls too. He was showing her another part of himself. He was figuring out what he wanted. She stopped in front of his combat uniform and noticed the embroidered name.

“Who is Ben solo?”

“Ben Solo is me.” He cleared his throat and walked over to the picture wall smiling at the memories with his men. “I changed it after I was discharged because I had changed, not in a good way.”

Rey stood next to him also scanning the pictures. She was confused but remined silent so he could tell his story.

“I joined because I believed I was doing something good. I thought I was making a difference. But I wasn’t. All I did was kill people and watch my friends die.” His eyes flickered to the flag wall and he winced inside remembering each of their deaths. They died and he kept living. “After I was honorably discharged, I came out with all this anger and rage. I was mad at the war, at the enemy, at myself. That’s why I then took over my family business. I was angry and I wanted someone to pay even if I wasn’t on the front lines anymore. I did this for all the wrong reasons.” When he looked down at Rey, he saw such compassion. He reached up and cupped her face in his hands. “But then the espionage happened, and you happened. I don’t want to be angry anymore. I don’t want to be Kylo Ren anymore. I don’t know how to fix what I've done, or how to fix us.”

Rey felt like her heart could explode for this man. Here he was showing her part of his past, pouring his soul out and on the verge of tears. She had never seen him like this, so much raw emotion. He truly was broken inside, just like her. That’s why they connected so much despite their differences. Tentatively Rey placed her hands over his, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. 

“What _do_ you know Ben Solo.” She watched a single tear fall across his scar.

“I know that I would give everything up for you. I would let it all go because I just want to be with you.” he leaned down resting his forehead on hers with eyes closed. “Say it and its done. Ill turn it into a nonprofit for soldiers with PTSD or something. I want to be good for you.”

“Ben…” he felt her pulling away. She was going to run again.

He grabbed onto her hands stopping her. “Don’t run away again. I can’t take it when you run”

“I can’t-”

“Rey, I love you!”

She never thought how she would feel if he said that to her. Part of her was screaming with joy while another part was begging her to run. For weeks now she had wanted to say those very same words to him, and she wanted him to say them too. But now she wasn’t sure. The panic was rising in her, everything felt wrong but right in the same time.

“Rey, I love you.” he said it again with more urgency. He watched her eyes change emotions so rapidly in the last few seconds he knew he was fighting an uphill battle.

“Rey-”

“Stop!” she shook off his hands and took a step back from him. “Stop saying that!”

“Why?!” he was hurt. After he handed her his heart, this is not what he expected.

“Because you don’t mean it, no one… no one means it, people who say that just hurt me and I can’t, I don’t...” she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Rey has had panic attacks before, but never did they hurt this bad.

Ben knew a panic attack when he saw one. Too many times had he comforted a friend who had one and even he had them. Her breathing was rapid, and her eyes were searching the room for anything to focus on. She put a hand on the wall to steady herself because the world around her was spinning. The idea of someone genuinely loving her scared her. All the memories of her father, the drugs, the empty fridge, living out of a car _. I love you_.

That was not love. What Ben was offering her was real love. Tangible, kissable, passionate love. All her life she wanted that. She only dreamed of falling and now that it was actually happening, she was scared. Everything was confusing. As her mind started to slow down, she became aware that she was pressed into a firm chest and familiar fingers were brushing through her hair. Slowly his voice of reassurance came into focus.

“It’s okay. It was too soon. I’m sorry.”

They stood there like that for a long time as he soothed her and she listened to his heart beat. He was right, it was too soon. She still struggled to process emotions and feeling that were unknown to her. The school therapist said that was normal for adults who come from that kind of childhood.

“I just need time.” She whispered turning her face into him.

He kissed the stop of her head as he held her tighter. “I know. All the time in the world. It’s yours.”


	19. Sugar Pumpkin Cutie Pie

Kylo drove her home after their conversation. She needed space and he could give that to her because he understood. At least she wasn’t running away, instead she was frozen. Neither of them knew what would happen now. This felt like forbidden fruit to her. He was everything she wanted but Rey struggled to accept that she could have him. Her breath fogged the glass of the car window as she closed her eyes, trying to imagine a life with him. Her grip on Kylo's hand tightened because she could see it. Breakfast every morning together, drinking wine and cuddling on the couch, and more. She could picture him at her graduation, at her senior concert, her musical travels and so desperately she wanted him to be there. For once she wanted someone to be there for her, to be proud of her and support her. And that person was sitting right next to her. 

But could she do the same for him? All his fancy events where he showcased designer weapons, his news appearances and congressional speeches. Could she support his business? Now that she knew what happened behind closed doors, she understood why people call him a monster. If she didn’t love him or know him personally, she would probably say the same thing. Rey was struggling where to draw her morals. He had offered to give it up for her, go back to his real name. He has said it so many times, _I’ll do anything for you_ , but she could have never expected giving up his career. Rey wanted Kylo to change it like he said, but she didn’t want to be the reason why. What if they broke up? What if he regretted it? If it failed, it would fall on her.

The car slowly came to a stop and when Rey opened her eyes, she saw she was at her apartment. Because of everything that had happened she had missed a lot of work and was behind on rent. Kylo could sense her unease and he knew what it was about. At breakfast he saw her phone lite up with the notification saying rent past due by 3 days. He felt like it was his fault. Kylo fished out his wallet and pulled out the black card and slipped it into her hand. She stared at it wordlessly. Her independence was rearing its head, but she also knew by now he wasn’t trying to buy her love or trick her. He honestly cared and he was doing what he could.

“Please. Take it and use it. I don’t want it back.” He studied her carefully. She hadn’t said a word to him since they left his place. His shoulders relaxed as he watched her put it in his sweatpants she was wearing. His clothes made her look even smaller.

“So do I call you Ben or Kylo?” a large hand engulfed hers again. She loved holding his hand, it was her favorite thing next to the forehead kisses he gave her all the time.

“Call me whatever you want.”

“Sugar pumpkin cutie pie.” Her face lit up with a genuine smile and a light laugh. Kylo rolled his eyes and brought her hand to his lips kissing her knuckles.

“Not what I meant but fine.”

Rey leaned over and planted a kiss on his check, over his scar. “I will talk to you later.”

He nodded and let go of her hand. He watched her until she was behind the locked doors of the building before taking off. Without her he felt like something was missing. Afterall she was the one slowly gluing him back together.

xxx

Rey walked into her apartment and waved at her roommates in the kitchen. They were surprised to see her outside of her room, let alone coming back from being out all night.

“Hey, do you got rent?” one of them piped up from the counter. They were going to let it slide after all she had been through, but they were just as broke as she was and couldn’t cover her.

Rey nodded and pulled out her phone and Kylo's card entering in the payment method. The roommates took note of the black card and one of them turned up her nose. Rey noticed and sighed. Her roommates were starting to not like her and now she was in debt to Kylo in more ways then one.

“One of your friends is here too, in your room.”

“Thanks… I just sent the money.” Rey quickly turned away from them and retreated to her room. It was probably Finn checking in on her, he was stopping by everyday at this point.

“Finn, you really don-” she stopped dead in her tracks as her door closed behind her and she took in the sight before her. “Who the fuck are you?”

Xxx

Kylo was just pulling into the parking garage when he got the notification that his card had been used. This made him happy knowing she wasn’t going to make herself suffer when she didn’t need to. For too long she was going at it alone, not anymore, not ever again if he could help it.

He spent the rest of the day making work calls from home. First order was to pull everyone of his employees out of the middle east. The company was going to change little by little. Not just for Rey but for his mother and for himself. This wasn’t him anymore. Kylo called his mother and practically begged her to come over for dinner. She would be so pleased to have her son back. Plus he wanted to ask her for something.

The day went by so fast, mostly because he was anxious to see Leia. He almost burnt the food he was cooking. Dinner was not his specialty it was Reys. A smile graced his lips as he remembered wrapping his arms around her one night as she rolled pasta…

_‘Not only can you play almost every instrument under the sun, but you can also make fresh pasta?’_

_She blushed and he started placing kisses all over her red checks._

_‘Kylo, stop it!’ she was laughing and swatting him with a flour covered towel._

_He looked down at his flour covered shirt before narrowing his eyes at her._

_‘It’s on.’ he grabbed a handful of flour and threw it at her. Rey gasped as the flour went all over her. She smirked and reached out smearing her floured hand over his face._

_Quickly the kitchen was covered in flour and filled with laughs and stolen kisses. Pasta be damned they made love on the kitchen counter with flour in their hair._

“Kylo?” Leia called out from the foyer breaking him from his thoughts. He sat down the plate of food and brushed his hands off.

“Good to see you mother.” He approached her and pulled her into a hug.

“You too…” it had been a long time since he had hugged her. “I watched the verdict yesterday.”

“Yea?” he pulled away from her to finish setting up dinner.

“I think the only thing that saved your ass was Rey.” She said curtly.

“I know.” Kylo sighed and gestured for her to take a seat as he took his own.

“You love her don’t you.” Leia stared at the scar on his face. In only a few months she had seen him change so much.

Kylo nodded slowly carefully watching her reaction. To his surprise she reached across the table and squeezed his arm.

“She is a good girl but doesn’t deserve that kind of drama that comes with your life.” Rey was special to Leia. Not only the perfect student but she was like the daughter she never had. But because the last conversation with Rey she thought it was best not to be her professor anymore.

“I know which is why I’m giving up the company. I’m changing it to a nonprofit.” Leias eyes widened. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. For years she begged him not to follow in her husbands and fathers’ path. “I decided some things, someone, are more important. I've made a lot of mistakes and I lost the most important person in my life, my mom.”

“Ben…” she whispered without thinking.

“I’m sorry, for everything. It’s just… when I came out of service I was changed.” It was his turn to reach out and take her hand in his.

“Ben is it true what Rey said to me?” her voice was weak, on the verge of tears.

“What did she say to you?” he figured they talked to each other about him but to what extent.

“She said you have PTSD; Ben I didn’t know. If I knew I wouldn’t have acted the way I did but Rey knocked some sense into me, and I started putting it together.” She was crying now. this was the root of his anger. He came out with all that shit on his mind and no one, not even his mother, saw the war continuing on in his head. That’s what got the Kylo Ren ball rolling. He shot up from his seat and walked around the table kneeling next to her so that he was eye level. All these years he wanted her to understand and now she did all because of Rey.

“Its okay, you know now.” he wiped the tears away from her face.

“My sweet boy, I think she loves you too.” She reached in her pocket and pulled out a small black box. He knew exactly what it was. He was going to ask her for it but she already knew he was going to need it. “For when the time is right.”

He grabbed Leia pulling her into a deep hug. Things were only going to get better. the rest of the dinner they talked about the future of the company and life itself. There was a flow to his mother that he hadn’t seen since he was in high school before he left for basic. She could say the same thing about her son.

Xxx

Unfortunately, things were not going to get better that easy. He didn’t hear from Rey the next few days. He sent her a good morning text the other day, but he heard nothing. He knocked it up to she was just taking her time. She hadn’t even used his card again which he figured was fine too. It wasn’t until her friend showed up in the lobby asking about her that he started the worry. The lobby had called him up saying someone was here looking for Rey. He looked at the front desk camera and recognized the man. He worked with Rey and was her best friend. Kylo told them to send him up.

Within minutes the door dinged, and he came out with a fury of panic in his eyes. He stormed up to Kylo and grabbed him by his shirt. Kylo could easily take this man down but Rey would not be happy with him if he did.

“Is she here?” he hissed shaking him.

“No, she’s not. What the hell is going on?!” Kylo shoved him off.

“Rey is missing!” the words shook him to the core. After the verdict he canceled security for her.

“She hasn’t answered her phone and I haven’t seen her since the night after your fucked-up trial. She didn’t go to class, her roommates haven’t seen her, she didn’t come in to work.”

The man in front of him kept rambling on and pacing but Kylo could only hear his heart pounding in his ears. Red, all he could see was red. Someone took her and they probably have had her the last few days.

“I have to find her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: okay I hate this chapter. I feel like I wrote too many twists and turns. But I thank all of you for sticking with me and commenting! I estimate 10 more chapters. After this I swear it’ll get better for them.


	20. Do you think you are special to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I absolutely hated this chapter so I changed the ending, I think this is better!  
> TW: gun violence

Rey was confused seeing this blonde-haired woman sitting so casually on her bed. Whoever this was Rey did not know her. A metal click stopped her from turning around to get her roommates. Her gaze dropped from the woman’s face to notice she was holding a gun. It’s not like Rey had never seen a gun before but never was one pointed at her. She could remember as a child one being pointed at her father but never her.

“I’m Phasma.” She gave a toothy grin and hopped off the bed approaching Rey till the gun pressed into her side. Rey could only stare dead ahead panic taking over her lungs.

“W-who are you, what do you want?” her voice was trembling.

“Oh, that’s right! You have no idea who I am.” She leaned in close. “I’m the one who leaked the picture.”

The realization hit Rey like a train. This was Kylo's old assistant. The one who had followed them and taken those pictures. She opened her mouth to scream but the woman punched her sending her to the ground.

“Make a sound and I will fucking shoot you.” she snarled. “I have nothing else to lose, Rey. You took everything away from me.”

She nodded and remained silent clutching her face. How much she wished Kylo was here. Phasma grabbed her by the collar and dragged her up, shoving the gun in her check. “We are going to walk out of here calmly and you are going to get in my car without making a sound. Understood?”

Again, Rey nodded as she was turned around and the woman wrapped her arm around her making it look like they were close. But in reality, a cold metal gun was pressed into her ribs. As they walked out of the apartment a tear slid down reys check. All her roommates were out of the public area so there was no one to help her. The walk to the car was borderline painful. No doubt the barrel would leave a bruise and her eyes stung from trying to hold back tears. Once she was in the car Rey looked at phasma with pleading eyes.

“Please don’t do this-” suddenly a cloth was placed over her mouth and the world went dark.

Xxx

Slowly Rey started to wake. Her head was pounding, and her body was aching from laying on a cold concrete floor all night. She tried to stretch but found she couldn’t because the ties on her hands with a rope connecting them to her ankles. Soon through the haze she could taste the duct tape over her mouth. Despite the tape a muffled help left her throat. Finally, the world around her came into focus. The woman who abducted her, Phasma, was sitting in a chair several feet away just staring. Rey groaned and pressed her shoulder into the floor, trying to sit up. but to no avail she remained on her side, cold, uncomfortable and in pain. Her eyes followed Phasma as she got up and started passing.

“Do you think you are special to him? He gave me a key to his place and a black card too. You aren’t the only lost creature he has taken under his wing. I was just an intern for school not getting paid. Until he decided to hire me permanently.” She crouched down in front of Rey. “You think he’s got a thing for young college girls? Maybe for you but apparently not for me! I worked for him for years! I met his mother for fucks sake. Yet he never even looked at me the way he looks at you. Why is that Rey?” she scoffed and stood back up continuing her pacing. “At least I put out for him. But then that night, I saw the way he looked at you. I watched him follow you to his bedroom. You know I’m the one that he sent to pick out the dress for you.”

Reys heart thundered in her chest as she listened to Phasma’s speech. From the beginning his assistant was out to destroy Rey. She wasn’t sure anymore if she was going to survive this.

“Then that thing happened blah blah and I suggested we use you to cover up the media! But oh no not precious Rey. He wouldn’t have it, but I know what’s best for him.” A cynical laugh left her lips as she lazily pointed the weapon at Rey. “I know what’s best for him, but he fired me over those silly pictures. And then I lost everything. My job, Kylo and now no one will hire me and I’m out of time, money and patience.”

Rey could only sit there and cry silently, her whole body trembled.

“I want your precious boyfriend to give me one million dollars. I know he’s worth much more then that but one million is easier to sneak out of the country.”

Rage was settling into her bones now. She was a pawn and who knows if she would even survive. Not only that, but now she was going to cost him even more money and drama. Its like the universe didn’t want them to work out. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to believe it did, that he would come save her and they would live happily ever after. This psychotic bitch was not going to take away this life she had just started.

 _I love you_.

Rey focused on that memory only a handful of days ago. His voice, his smile, his lips.

_I love you._

She started to sob realizing she might never get the chance to say those 3 little words back to him. Regret filled her soul for not saying it sooner. All the times she could have but she didn’t. The crying made breathing difficult with all the tape; Rey started to panic more which only made matters worse. She passed out again from lack of oxygen but remained breathing. Phasma watched her cry and blackout, a smirk on her face

Xxx

“I have to find her.”

As if on que his phone chimed, and he immediately grabbed it hoping it was Rey. It was from her, but it wasn’t her.

**Bring 1 million to the old range**

He knew instantly who this was. It was his old assistant Phasma. It was a dead giveaway because not many people knew about the old range that he personally owned, besides Hux but he’s dead. He hadn’t used it in years, but it was still in his name and his assistant still probably had a key for it. It was all the way in new jersey, hours away.

“I have to go.” He pocketed the phone and then reached under the kitchen island pulling out a Glock.

“I’m coming with you, she’s my best friend!” Finn protested realizing the severity of the situation as he watched this man pull a gun out of thin air.

“Yea? And what the fuck do you plan on doing?” Kylo pushed past him and shoved a piece of art off the wall revealing a safe.

“Not shooting anybody that’s for sure.”

“Well I am.” Kylo's hands were shaking as he grabbed the money he kept in there and shoved it into a duffle bag.

“Jesus Christ how many people have you killed?!” Finn wasn’t sure if he should be more scared of Kylo right now or whoever took Rey.

Kylo stood up and slipped bag over his shoulder. His eyes were dark with anger. “More people then you’ll ever know.” With that comment hanging like dead weight in the air, he went to the elevator and didn’t protest when finn joined him. If he wanted to come, fine. In the parking garage finn followed Kylo to a deep red lifted pickup.

“Are all these cars yours?” he asked jumping in the truck. Kylo only grunted in response focusing on getting to Rey.

Xxx

A few hours later they pulled up to the abandoned run-down range. He bought it many years ago for his personal use to brush off steam. Occasionally he had off the book’s meetings there which is why his assistant knew about it. He saw the silver sedan and confirmed it was Phasma who would be waiting inside for him. Kylo jumped out of the truck and handed finn an army knife. He was going to treat this like any other mission in the field. That’s how he was going to get through this.

“Wait here.” he instructed Finn. Thankfully he didn’t put up a protest, the last thing he needed was a distraction from getting Rey. Kylo approached the building, gun in one hand, bag in the other. He stormed in, the door slamming against the wall a loud echo filling the empty building. They must be in the back. His footsteps filled the air as he walked to the back with an urgent purpose. He flicked the safety off on his gun before turning in the doorway, pointing it instantly at his enemy. He was ready to shoot but the sight froze the blood in his veins. Rey was on the floor, tied up, tape over her mouth, clothes dirty and wrists covered in bleeding blisters. And Phasma was standing over her with a gun pointed at her head and a shit eating grin on her face.

“So good to see you!” her bubbly voice agitated him to no end.

Reys eyes were pleading with him and she struggled against the rope. This was never supposed to happen to her, he was supposed to protect her. He failed for the last time.

“I have the money. Now untie her.” His voice boomed through the cement walls.

Normally Rey didn’t like when he yelled but his voice was comforting right now. The fact he was here, once again he was rescuing her. The last few days being trapped here, absolute hell but it would all be over soon. Her eyes flickered from Kylo to Phasma to see if she would do as he asked. To her surprise Phasma rolled her eyes and put her gun at her and kneeled down tugging at the knots. As soon as her hands and feet were free, she ripped the tape off. She jumped to her feet wobbly, she tried to take a step to Kylo, his name leaving her lips, but the woman grabbed her by her hair, pulling her to her side. “Kylo!”

His jaw clenched hearing her cry his name in fear and desperation. He wanted to kill this bitch right now. And he could, Phasma was a good shot but he was better. he thought better of it though because how would Rey feel If he killed someone right in front of her, if she became soaked in blood.

“The money?” she snarled yanking Rey harder.

Kylo tossed it on the ground at her feet without hesitation, the gun still firmly aimed at her head.

“Let her go. You got what you wanted.”

Phasma nudged the bag with her foot and nodded before shoving Rey in the direction of Kylo. She almost stumbled to the ground but Kylo quickly sheathed his gun before jumping forward catching her. Instantly his shoulders relaxed as he held her tight in his arms. His hand pressed against the back of her head to keep her face in his chest, as if to hide her away from all this.

“Rey-” she lifted her head to look at him and in that moment a gunshot sounded through Reys ears. The sound forever engrained in her mind. Her eyes were still locked on Kylo Ren, what was only seconds felt like minutes. She didn’t know what happened until Kylo stumbled back and she felt the blood on her check. He was shot she couldn’t tell where because his black clothes masked everything.

It felt as if the world stopped, the only sound in her ear was a dull ringing and her own labored breaths. Without thinking she grabbed the gun from Kylo's waist as he fell back against a wall. She spun around and pointed it right at Phasma. She had never fired or held a gun before but there was always a first for everything.

A cynical laugh filled the room and echoed inside Reys mind.

“You won’t shoot me! You can’t anyway the safety is back on.”

 _Click_. “Fuck. You.” she pulled the trigger and watched as her face turn from arrogance to complete surprise and horror. She lifted a hand to her stomach, and it came back bloody. Rey kept the gun on her, good thing she did because Phasma raised hers and Rey put a fatal shot in her head.

Kylo watched this unfold from his slumped over form against the wall. He was shot in the upper chest; he knew he would be fine as long as he got to a hospital in the next 30 minutes before he drowned in his own blood. This was a fucked-up situation, nothing was good about this. But seeing her stand in front of him, protect him, he loved her even more. He learned early on she could fend for herself but this… this took him completely by surprise. He also knew Rey was going to be a wreck after this, she had just killed someone, but she needed to. It was them or her and Rey made a choice. The realization must have hit her because the gun slipped from her hands clamoring to the floor. He watched her slowly turn around to look at him, her blood shot eyes blown wide.

“What did I do?” her voice was hoarse.

In that moment finn burst through the door. “Rey! I heard the shots!” he ran to her collecting her in his arms. Kylo felt a pang of jealousy. Finn looked around the room, his eyes lingering on the dead woman before looking from Rey to Kylo and noticed him clutching his chest, blood staining his pale skin. “Fuck we have to go. Now!”

Instantly they were at his side helping him up and out of the building to the truck. Rey sat in the back with Kylo as finn sped them to the nearest hospital. She was curled up at his side, holding him tight. He kept asking her if she was okay, stroking her check, but she remained silent. This was another trauma added to her life and Kylo blamed himself. He ached to tell her he loved her, he ached to hear her say it. But there was only silence filling the void in his chest.

Once at the hospital it was confirmed he needed surgery and Rey was treated for the blisters on her wrists. Kylo instructed finn to take Rey back but not to her place because he was having a team do forensics on her room. He would have this whole mess cleaned up. Or as Rey put it, throw money at a problem till it went away. She was too weak and tired to fight with Kylo about making her leave his side. She swore, after being tied up for days she would never leave him again. But she needed to listen to him right now because he was handling this. With a final kiss to his forehead she left and finn drove her to his apartment. Finn tried to talk to her but she was silent the whole ride.

In fact, she was silent the entire next week. She didn’t utter a single word. It felt like the tape was still there. She slept in Finns bed while he slept on the couch. That’s all she did was sleep. She only took a shower or ate when Finn told her to. He was worried she would never be the same and be stuck like this forever. His best friend was gone and all the remained was shell of a person. He took the liberty of filling out incomplete forms for all her classes that semester because it was too late for her to recover what she had missed. He was trying his best, he honestly thought of taking her to the hospital for a psych eval, but he didn’t know what to do. he didn’t know what Kylo's plan was or if the police knew what happened. He hadn’t heard or seen him since they went and got her. Flowers came every day from him though for Rey. She would smell them and read the card. He didn’t know what they said but whatever was on them was the only thing that brought the slightest sparkle to her eye.

Finn had spent hours trying to tell her what happened was necessary and that things were going to get better. He told her it wasn’t her fault, that it was okay. He wasn’t sure if she was listening because all she did was blink and stare. After the first week passed and she continued to be the same, stuck in this state of mind, he couldn’t take it anymore seeing her like this. He didn’t know what to do. So he picked up Reys phone and called Kylo.


	21. Say It Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get your tissues ready

Kylo had enough money to make this whole thing disappear. He made Phasma, the range and even his own hospital stay disappear from record. It was over. But everyday there was a vice around his heart. So badly he wanted to go to her, just to hold her or hear her voice. The minute he woke up from surgery, alone, he felt something shift in him. After weeks of fighting for her, changing his life, he just wasn’t sure anymore. None of this was every supposed to happen. Rey wasn’t supposed to stand at trial, she wasn’t supposed to be waiting around for his lost soul and she definitely was not supposed to be kidnapped and held ransom. Kylo didn’t want to hurt her anymore but he also couldn’t let go.

When he returned to New York he sent her flowers everyday with letters. He wrote sweet nothings and affirmations; they were just for her. No one else would ever make him feel like this. They were connected through all this pain they have endured through their lives. He would write to her everyday until she was ready to come back to him. If she never did, so be it.

Days turned into weeks and that’s when he got a call from finn. The desperation in his voice as he told him about Rey deteriorating before his eyes. Of course she was, after everything she had been through at his expense. Finn begged Kylo to come see her, he didn’t know what to do. He was hesitant at first, he didn’t want to upset her more, but he needed to see her. Not wanted, _needed_.

A few hours after the phone call he pulled up outside Finns complex. He was glad she was staying with him because this building was much more secure. Finn buzzed him in and led him into the apartment with a remorseful face. Immediately he spotted Rey tucked into a windowsill looking at the world bellow. His heart jumped in his throat as he took her in from afar. She was wearing his shirt but he could still see bruising on her face and her wrists were still wrapped in a bandage. She was mentally and physically broken.

He took a step in her direction but finn put a hand on his chest stopping him.

“She is my best friend.” He said it as a warning but also a plea for Kylo to help her.

He nodded and finn dropped his hand letting Kylo approach her.

Rey saw him in the reflection of the glass as he got closer. At first, she thought she was imagining things. Until he said her name and she heard it clear as day. She turned her head so fast; he was really here.

“Kylo…” she whispered taking him in. It was the first word she said in over a week. His hair was getting longer and there was a dark stubble growing on his face. Maybe he was just as much a mess as she was.

“I’m here Rey.” He gave her the faintest of smiles as he sat down next to her on the window seat, leaning against the pane. She pulled her knees to her chest to give him more room but did not return his smile. His fingers twitched to hold her, run his fingers through her hair. They sat there in silence for a moment just staring at each other. Rey was the first to look away.

“Is this what it feels like?” her voice was barley a whisper.

His brow furrowed, “Is this what _what_ feels like?”

“When… when you, ya know…” _kill someone_. Her face was paling but he got the hint.

Kylo sighed and leaned his head back on the warm glass. “Yea the first few times.”

“Oh.” Her fingers were pulling at the thread in her jeans. She just wanted to keep her hands busy, she hated that she could still feel the Glock in her hand.

“Rey, it was in self-defense. She was going to kill both of us, she already shot me.” He could help himself from reaching out and grabbing her trembling hands. “Neither of us would be alive right now if you didn’t do what you did. You were so brave.”

She finally looked back at him. “I don’t feel very brave right now.”

“I know, darling. I know.” He squeezed her hand looked at her with so much regret. Regret for putting her through this, for all the time lost between them. to his surprise she moved forward and curled into him, instantly his arms enveloped her pulling her close. He stroked her hair as she cried softly into his chest.

“I think you should come stay with me for a little while, give Finn a break from sleeping on the couch.”

Rey nodded as her tears came to a stop, he was so caring and patient with her. As was Finn but he was right, she must be such a burden on him, and she felt bad that he slept on the couch. She also felt guilty for not checking on how he was doing.

Kylo sighed in relief that she agreed to come stay with him. he hoped that things would go back to normal, back to before all this happened.

“We should go to your apartment and get a few things.” He cursed under his breath feeling Rey tense up. Of course, he couldn’t take her back there. “How about I go by myself.” It wasn’t a question. She relaxed again and pulled back from his chest looking up at him.

“I don’t want to be alone.” Her eyes were almost pleading with him.

He cupped her face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away the remaining tears. “You will never be alone again. I promise.”

Finn clearing his throat brought them out of their trance with each other. He was holding reys backpack. Having overheard their conversation he decided to pack up what little she had here. for a while he never trusted this guy. Thought he couldn’t be any good for Rey, and then Kylo proved otherwise. It was good for his best friend to go with him.

Rey climbed off of Kylo and took the bag from Finn, giving him a tight hug. “Thank you, for everything.” Those where the first words she said to him in such a long time. Kylo reached out and shook his hand before placing a hand on reys lower back guiding her out the door to his car. He opened her door and he saw the way her checks tinted. Everything was going to be alright.

Xxx

As soon as Rey got in the car, she took a deep breath. It smelled like him and she deeply missed him. It was comforting to sit in his car with him, his hand on her knee, like old times. Like how things were supposed to be.

They went to her old apartment, but Rey waited in the car as Kylo went up. He grabbed a few bags full of clothes and toiletries. He would send a crew to pack up the rest of her stuff because even if she didn’t stay at his place long, she would never return here. Before he left, he talked to one of her roommates and paid the lease by out. Once he loaded the bags into the car and returned to the drivers seat, her hand reached for his.

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” He raised her hand and kissed her knuckles before placing their held hands on her knee.

They returned to his place and he of course carried all the bags in. Rey was adamant about him not doing that because his wound, but he was stubborn. They spent the rest of the day unpacking her stuff in the spare room and Kylo offered to make dinner or order something. But Rey wanted to cook, she wanted a sense of normalcy. Anything to mask what was really happening in her life. She knew Finn had done the right thing and dropped her from her classes. She was also fired for not coming into work so many times. At the moment she had nothing going for her. But cooking dinner she could do.

Kylo was giving her wide berth. He only touched her if she touched him first. He hadn’t even properly kissed her. As the night went on she was worried something had changed. He offered her the spare room and she took it even though she didn’t want to. What she really wanted was to share space with him. Instead she found herself showering and getting ready for bed in that room she woke up in the first time she was here.

Anxiety ate at her as she laid in bed reading a book. A soft knock at her door startled her and she slammed the book shut like she had been caught doing something wrong. It felt wrong to be in bed without him.

“Hey, just wanted to say good night.” He cleared his throat and put his hands in his sweat’s pockets.

“Oh.” she chewed her lip. “Goodnight.”

He walked over slowly, and Rey felt her heart quicken. His hand brushed a stray piece of damp hair away from her face. Slowly he leaned down and she though he was going to kiss her. Instead he kissed her forehead, his lips lingering. “Good night.” She blushed and looked at her hands in her lap as he left the room going to his own.

Both of them found it hard to sleep that night. Especially knowing they were so close but far. Kylo was still fulfilling his promise to give her space, that’s why he offered her that other room. Sometime in the night Rey decided she couldn’t sleep alone. She slipped into his bed, laying on her side facing him. he must have been awake because as soon as she settled in, his hand reached up to her side.

“Kylo?” she whispered gently.

“Hmm?” his fingers lazily brushed circles on her bare shoulder.

“Do you… do you still love me?” she thought he might see her differently after what happened in new jersey. Maybe he saw a monster in her like she once saw in him.

His fingers stopped moving and he slowly opened his eyes. Her heart pounded in her ears as she stared into his dark iris’s.

“I will always love you, Rey.”

She scooted closer, her lips centimeters from his. “Kiss me, Ben Solo.” His heart jumped when she said his real name. Without hesitation he pulled her closer, pressing his lips against hers. Her fingers found their way into his hair and his tongue found its way into her mouth, the kiss quickly turning passionate. Her soft sighs and lips against his, the familiar feeling of her body against his own, he was going to lose his mind. Especially when she started kissing and sucking his skin down his jaw.

“I love you.” she murmured into his skin. He almost didn’t register what she had said.

“What?” he pulled her away, breathless, so that he could look at her face.

Her lips turned into the brightest smile he had ever seen. “I love you.” she said it again, her fingers pushing hair away from his face. She said. She finally said it and she was sound of mind this time.

“Say it again.” He was giving her that rare dimple smile, he was happy, the happiest he has been in a long time.

“I love you.”

The second she said it Kylo rolled her over and braced himself above her, driving his lips into hers. She loved him, she really loved him. He kissed her with ever fiber of his being. It felt like everything in his life was leading up to this moment with Rey. The future he imagined with her it was real, it was right here, right now.


	22. One In The Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a pure romantic chapter with smut

The warm sun beaming through the window stirred Rey from her sleep. It was the best night’s sleep she’s had in a long time. As she stretched in the sheets, her out reached arms searched for Ben but he wasn’t there. Adrenaline shot through her as she bolted up in bed looking around frantically.

“Ben!” she called out hoping he was nearby. As soon as she said his name he came rushing out of the walk-in closet, half dressed for the day. Rey placed a hand over her racing heart sighing.

He walked around to her side of the bed and knelt down, so he was eye level with her.

“I promised you, you will never be alone.”

“I know, just on edge.” she reached out and swept some hair away from his face. He really needed a trim. He smiled and leaned into her hand.

“That’s why we should go do something fun today. Go on a date. We haven’t been on one of those in a while.”

She smiled fondly at the idea. It had been a long time. “But it’s the morning, what will we do?”

He chuckled and leaned in giving her lips a quick kiss. “Darling, its 1 in the afternoon.”

“What?! I missed our breakfast? You should have woken me up” she pouted and swatted at his shoulder playfully.

“I think you needed the rest.” He was right about that. He didn’t dare wake her, her face was so peaceful, and he could pretend that all was right in the world. “Common, lets get you dressed so we can go.” He stood up and held his hand out to her. Her checks tinted as she realized he was shirtless and under the blanket she was naked from last nights activities. She slipped her hand into his but instead of letting him pull her up she tugged his hand. Of course, he didn’t move.

“Or we can stay in bed a little longer?”

He chuckled, “You’ve been in bed all day.”

“That’s not what I was implying.” Rey huffed frustrated he didn’t get the hint.

“Oh?” he watched her shift and sheet fell exposing her breasts and she bit her lip. His eyes changed in an instant to an intense hunger. “Oh.” Still holding her hand, he used his other to rip away the sheet exposing the rest of her. His eyes met her soft supple skin, covered in his kisses from the night before. She blushed even more as goosebumps erupted on her skin, his gaze was electrifying. That’s when she noticed the tent growing in his pants as his eyes ate her up.

“Well?” she swallowed nervously.

“You are so beautiful.” In one swift motion his pants were off and he was climbing on top of her, his lips descending upon her neck. “So Beautiful.” He murmured between open mouthed kisses along her sensitive skin. Rey squirmed under him her breath lost somewhere between his warm mouth and his hands on her body. His knee found its way between her legs pushing her thighs apart, her center coming in firm contact with his muscular thigh. A whimper left her lips as she bucked her hips, grinding her wet cunt on his thigh. She angled herself just right, the pressure on her clit growing. Bens erection twitched against her hip and her hands reached down grabbing onto it firmly. He moaned into her neck, rocking his hips into her hand. The sensation of her wetness on his leg and her slender fingers pumping his cock, he could never tire of her. she leaned her head into his, her breathing shallow and filled with soft whines.

“Fuck me.” Those two simple words from her sinful mouth and all self-control was lost on him. he leaned back grabbing her thighs, pushing them aside and hooking one of her knees over his shoulder. Her hands slipped from his cock and moved to his torso, letting her fingers leave trails of fire over his scared skin. He watched her face as he positioned himself at her entrance. Slowly he eased in and her eyes drooped, head lolling back. A primal growl resonated from his chest once he bottomed out and Rey moaned, her nails piercing his biceps.

“So, fucking perfect.” He pulled his backs and snapped into her; he took pleasure in watching her breasts jiggle from the thrust. Another thrust, another sensual moan from Rey. He leaned down, her one leg still over his shoulder giving him a deeper angle into her. She cried out as he began pounding into her, hitting all the right spots.

“Ben!” Her hands reached up to touch him, but he grabbed her wrists pinning them beside her head. He liked watching her squirm. “Fucking hell!” she narrowed her eyes at him but there was a deviant smile on her lips. He winked before smashing his lips against hers, eating that smile up. he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth groaning as Rey started to raise her hips against his. So wet and tight, he began fucking her with such a ferocity. The most heavenly sounds filled his ears. She was calling his name and moaning, begging him to make her cum. A hand left her wrist to grab the nape of her neck, forcing her to look up at him, her eyes already glazing over.

“Cum for me, darling.” He saw her eyes roll back that instant, her thighs were shaking, and her core tightened around him. Ben continued to fuck her through it, drawing it out. As she came down, her free hand reached up touching his lips. Her own were moving but no sound was coming out. He knew what she was trying to say. _I love you._

That was his undoing. His heart burst at the same time. He shouted as he came, filling her with his sticky load. Her fingertips were still resting against his lips, so he kissed them. The post orgasm bliss was taking both of them over. He flopped onto her, catching his breath as her fingers roamed over his back/ meanwhile he scattered lazy kisses across her collarbone.

“Ben?” her hands nudged his shoulders

“Hmmm?” he huffed and slid his arms under her squeezing her tight. He was perfectly content to stay here just like this.

“Your laying on me.”

“Mhm.” He nuzzled the base of her neck, his breath fanning across her warm skin.

“Your crushing me.” She giggled and nudged him again.

He groaned and rolled off her to lay at her side, he let his arm drape over her abdomen and his head returned to the crook of her next. Ben very much enjoyed having her close like this. She sighed with a content smile as her fingers combed through his hair. He called her beautiful, but she thought he was the more so. No one ever saw this side of him, when he was relaxed and smiling and sweet. He was gorgeous enough to have any woman in the world, but he wanted her. He _loved_ her.

Xxx

Eventually they got out of bed, after many more rounds of mind-blowing sex. He still wanted to take her out, even if it was much later in the day, they would go get dinner at least. Getting dressed in the same space as each other proved difficult, ben couldn’t keep his hands off her. Never again would he let her slip away.

Finally they left the apartment, the imprint of the dresser handle still prominent on her back from their activates in the closet. It was like a spark had been ignited between them. Rey learned that life was too short not to act on your feelings. She never knew when the next shirt storm would hit so it was decided to use as much time as she could with Ben. 

Instead of going to his car they ended up in the lobby. She froze seeing the bustling street of downtown New York. Last time they went out it was late and not many people were around. Was she ready for the stares? Ben squeezed her hand bringing her back to reality.

“Do you trust me?” he looked at her with such love and fondness. She didn’t even have to think of an answer.

“Yes.”

His smile grew and he wrapped an arm around her leading them to the doors. She leaned into him, his arms felt like a shield, protecting her from everything. When the doors opened the sounds of the city filled her ears. That’s when a realization hit her. She didn’t want to live here forever. After graduation she wanted to live somewhere less busy. A fleeting image crossed her mind of her and Ben in a nice house in a quiet suburb. She shook her head ignoring it.

They only got a few looks but she found them easy to ignore with Ben smiling and talking to her as they walked. He was her world and she was is. Nothing else around them mattered.

“So where are we going?” she asked for the fifth time and he rolled his eyes ignoring her. He wasn’t going to tell her. It must not be somewhere fancy because neither of them were dressed up. Or so she thought. They came to a stop in front of a high-end dress store. She looked up at him with confusion.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I was going to change the brand of the company.”

She laughed. “So you are going into fashion?”

He tugged on her hand pulling her to the entrance. “No, but you need a dress.”

“For what?” she followed behind him. her breath was taken away once inside. Beautiful gowns were everywhere. Rey secretly craved to try them all on.

“For my first charity ball next week. Unless you aren’t up for it…” his gaze faltered.

“That’s amazing Ben!” she leaned up on her toes pressing a kiss to his check. “I would be so honored to attend.”

“Lets get you a gown then.”

The next hour was spent trying on dress after dress while ben sat in a lounge chair drink in hand. Each time she came out his heart dropped. She was gorgeous. The bruising from the kidnapping had almost faded but he could see his bites on her skin. Good thing he reserved the entire showroom for just them, didn’t want anyone seeing those. At one point she came out in an ivory satin ball gown, it looked like a wedding dress. His mind instantly drifted to the black box hiding in his tie drawer.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she blushed and hugged her arms to her chest.

His Adams apple bobbed nervously. “Because you look absolutely amazing and I love you.”

“You don’t think its too wedding-ish?” she spun around watching the gown fan out around her. As cliché as it sounded, she felt like a princess. Plus, it had pockets hidden in the pleats.

“Maybe try on a few more.” He cleared his throat and swallowed the rest of his drink. Way too soon to fantasize about a marriage. She nodded and looked down; he saw the look in her eye. She loved that dress. Rey gathered the skirts and retreated back into the fitting room. The next dress she came out in made him choke on his own saliva. She looked stunning in the low back dark red velvet dress.

“Holy fuck.” He shifted awkwardly in his seat unable control what was happening in his pants.

She smirked and walked up to him a sultry sway in her hips. “Like what you see?”

“Most definitely.” He let his eyes roam over her freely. If it weren’t for the setting, they were in he would fuck here right here in front of all these mirrors so she could see how divine she looked. She winked at him and his fingers tightened, he wanted to grab her and pull him into his lap and-

“Have you made a decision?” the designer spoke up from the other side of the room.

“Yes. Ill take this one please.” Without breaking eye contact she leaned over him her hands sliding up his thighs. Ben held his breath unsure what game she was playing. Her hand slipped into his pocket and she pulled back with his wallet in her hand. Still staring him down she pulled out his card and held it out to the designer who took it before retreating. For some reason unknown to him, her doing that only turned him on so much more.

He rose from his seat grabbing her by the waist, yanking her body against his. She gasped feeling his hard length press against her abdomen. “We might have to skip dinner and go straight to desert.” His voice was a low rumble. When the designer walked back in he let go and dropped back down into the chair.

Blushing Rey took back the card and gave ben his wallet before retreating to the fitting room. When she was gone Ben stood up and walked to the rack of dresses his eyes lingering on the ivory one.

“I need you to charge me for one more.” He said to the designer.

Xxx

They left the dress shop and even though he wanted nothing more than to take Rey home and fuck her all night, he did promise her a dinner date. It was darker now that the sun was setting, and he held her tighter to his side. She leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked to the restaurant. At dinner they talked and talked, like they were meeting for the first time. Rey asked about his army buddies and he told her. She learned so much more about him that night and it only made her that much more madly in love with him. They shared laughs and stories, swapping their dreams and hopes. He learned that Rey was afraid of the ocean but loved swimming. He was already planning a honeymoon in his head as she talked. Too soon to think about that but he couldn’t help himself. The night went on and they kept talking and sharing lovestruck glances. And never once did he let go of her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only happiness from here on out!


	23. Let The Past Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short steamy chapter to keep every tied over while i finish the rest of the fic! only a few chapters left!

Reys head was resting on bens stomach, her fingers tracing random patterns on his bare chest. It was moments like these she realized she could spend the rest of her life with him. She watched as he was reading a document, his face etched in concentration. He was busy as always but still made time for her, even if it was only sharing space with one another.

“What do you think about an initiative to get veterans off the street?” he asked without looking away from the document.

“You know, I remember a time when you said keep my opinion to myself.”

His lips twitched remembering the night he met her. “Well my love, your opinion means more than anything to me now.” he moved a hand to rest in her hair. She loved when he played with her hair. She was addicted to the small touches he gave her, the minor signs of attention she craved her whole life.

“I think it’s a great idea, can it be expanded?” If Rey could have it her way, she would help everyone. Luckily for her, ben could afford to do so.

“Of course.”

They laid like that a while more in silence while he worked. Rey felt whole and complete with him, she longed for many more moments like this. Suddenly a thought popped into her head.

“Ben?” she called softly, her chin now resting on his chest.

“Hm?” he turned the page looking over the document oblivious to the seriousness of her next question.

“How come you’ve never talked to me about your father?” she instantly regretted the question feeling him tense up. his gaze finally left the paper to stare at her.

“Why do you ask?” the octave of his voice had changed to something of a warning.

Rey chewed her lip. “I just realized I've met your mother but not your father. And you know everything about my parents.”

He sighed and dropped the papers on the nightstand before rubbing a hand over his face. “He was absent a lot of the time, always picking fights with my mother. He joined the company too and that’s what led him to become an alcoholic and the terrible father he is. They waited to divorce till I was off to basic.” As he spoke Rey saw the rage beginning to bubble up in his muscles. She clung to him tighter willing his anger to go away.

“I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in years.” He looked into reys eyes and was met with so much comfort and kindness. They both struggled with family since birth. Their experiences were different, but the affects were similar.

“Maybe you should call him. Maybe he has changed.” Her hand rested gently over his heart, its strong rhythm seeping into her fingers.

He huffed. “No. Let the past die.”

She frowned. “But what about your future?”

He moved his hands from her hair, running a thumb over her cheek. “I don’t need a future with him in it. Just you.”

Instantly her frown disappeared and was replaced by a shy smile, she decided to let it go. She of all people understood what it was like to have an absent father with an addiction. Never again would she reach out to hers so she wouldn’t pry Ben to do so either.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” his voice had dropped, and Rey didn’t miss the flicker of darkness in his eyes.

“Only all the time.” she grinned and started placing soft kisses across his scared skin. The beating under her hand increased only edging her on. she sucked at the skin, leaving her own marks behind. That’s when his phone went off disturbing the moment.

“Shit, Rey I have to take this.” He looked down at her with a deep hunger.

“Answer it. I’m not stopping you.” that mischievous grin he loved so much fell across her lips.

“Hello?” he answered the call from one of his partners, he instantly regretted it as he felt Rey take him in her hand.

He was already half mast when she took him in her hands, moving ever so slowly as she left a trail of kisses down his torso. She would feel his burning gaze on her as she shifted down the bed. Her lips pressed into his hip bones before she ran her tongue over his length. His shuddered gritting his teeth. He should stop her and focus on the call but this minx with her devil tongue was ruining him. He hissed when she took him in her mouth. Sweet lips wrapped around him. His fingers grabbed on to her hair, pulling. If she wanted to play this game, then so would he. A smirk covered his face as he shoved his length down her throat and continuing the conversation on the call. He continued to fuck her face with a savageness. The droll spilling from her mouth and eyes rolling back every time she gagged. With one final shudder he held her down as he emptied himself silently into her throat still on the phone. When he released her head, she pulled off of him with a pop, a line of spit connecting his cock to her swollen lips.

“Yes, I think that’s a great idea.” He spoke into the phone as he swiped his thumb over her lip. She greedily wrapped her lips over his thumb and laved at it with her tongue. Whatever plans he had for the day were going to be canceled because he wasn’t going to be leaving this bed for a while.

Finally, the call ended, and Ben grabbed the back of her head pulling her up to him for a kiss.

“Needy little thing, aren’t you?” he growled before kissing her. Every time he did, there were butterflies. No one had ever kissed, loved or _fucked_ her so good.

“Always for you.” her teeth grazed his lower lip. That was enough to send him into a fury. In one swift moment he had her on her stomach, his large hands grabbed her hips yanking them off the bed, forcing her onto her knees.

She mewled and arched her back, showing herself off to him. “Please ben… fuck me.”

He spread her thighs more and then spit on her already drenched pussy lips. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” her concerns were stifled when he shoved his face between her legs, burring his tongue inside her. She groaned and rocked against his face, more like she tried to but his grip was so strong she couldn’t. he pulled back leaving her wanting and whining.

“Bennn!” she wanted to touch herself since he stopped his ministrations, but she knew if she did he would just stop her.

“Let’s make a deal darling.” His voice was a low hum as he spoke. “Let me pay your student debt and ill fuck you.”

His request completely caught her off guard, her arousal mixed with confusion.

“What?” was all she could say.

“I know its been worrying you and it needs to be partially paid so you can return in the fall.” He was trying so hard not to cave in and fuck her into the mattress, but he needed a yes from her.

In her current state she could really process her thoughts. She really wanted to graduate on time… again her thoughts were lost as she felt the head of his cock nudging at her entrance.

“Fine! Yes, you can, just fuck me please!”

“Good girl.” He thrust into her, the air leaving her lungs as he buried deep inside her. This side of him, the dominating darkness that threatened to ruin her… she loved it.

His thrusts pummeled her cunt, fill her and stretching her out with his massive cock. He gritted his teeth listening to the string of incoherent pleas and moans leave her lips. She so easily came unstrung beneath him; his touch set her on fire. He placed a hand on the back of her head, shoving her face into the bed to muffle her cries of pleasure.

“You hear that?” he grunted as he continued his unrelenting thrusts. The air was filled with the wet sloppy sounds of their fucking. “That’s the sound of me, ruining this pussy. Its mine.”

“Yours!” she cried into the bed as her body began to shake.

“No one else will ever fuck you this good.” He let go of her hip for a moment to slap her ass, causing another shriek from Rey.

“No one!” she rasped.

“The only cock you will ever cum on is mine.” He snarled as he felt her tighten around him as she came in pleasured sobs. He threw his head back groaning as he finished inside her. chest heaving, he released her, and her hips sank into the sheets, her body trembling from such a strong orgasm. His arms wrapped around her and he held her close, peppering her face in kisses. Her eyes fluttered open and she stared at him in a daze.

“I love you.” she whispered.

He smiled and pressed his lips firmly to her forehead “I know.”


	24. Join Me

The gala came and went. It was the night of her life the dancing and stolen kisses. She felt so prideful listening to ben solo give his speech about changing New York City for the better. he had officially denounced Starkill Weapons Enterprise into the New Hope project. She even agreed for him to publicly announce their relationship. And like she had fantasized all those months ago, she was no longer the waitstaff.

It was almost full-blown summer by now. It was the end of May which meant the semester had ended. Not like it mattered since she took an incomplete which over the summer she would be making up. In the meantime, she was working on music. That’s how she spent most her days while Ben took phone calls and worked in the other room. He was so busy now with work she felt lost in his apartment. She knew she could do whatever she wanted, didn’t have to stay home all day but without school or work she didn’t know what to do. She felt like a free loader because she wasn’t even working. She forgot how hard job hunting was, especially in the city when more college students were looking for summer jobs. Even if Ben didn’t mind, she still itched to do something with her time besides constantly playing piano. She never wanted the housewife life and that’s what she was begging to feel like.

Ben solo sensed a change in her lately. More then likely because the semester had ended, and she felt behind. He has seen her sink into a depression before and he wasn’t about to let her sink into one now. He tried to spend as much time away from the office as he could to keep her company. Sometimes she would invite finn over but besides that she didn’t really have anyone to spend time with. Even Leia took her out to dinner. She would always make a remark to him later about how she didn’t see a ring on reys finger yet. In truth he was just waiting for the right time.

There was a knock at his office door disturbing his thought.

“Busy.” He called out gruffly. He really wasn’t but he couldn’t stand another mindless conversation today.

“Even for me?” he immediately recognized her soft voice through the door. Sometimes she would come visit him at work for lunch or just because she was bored alone at the apartment. He contemplated getting a dog for her. A smile took over his face as he got up to open the door.

“I always have time for you….” his words died in his throat as soon as he opened the door and saw her. Rey was standing there in a messy bun, black booty shorts and sports bra, she was probably on a run and figured she’d stop by.

“You going to let me in or just stand there and stare?” she winked and placed a hand on his chest. His nostrils flared at the harmless contact, but it was enough for him to pull her in before pushing her up against the now closed door. her hand slid from his chest and into his hair pulling him in for a kiss. Heat filled her veins as soon as his lips touched hers. His tongue traveled past her lips tasting her, so sweet. But he had to pull away before things got to serious.

“Did I not leave you satisfied enough this morning?” he whispered into her ear as his hands rubbed the exposed skin of her waist. She shivered remembering their morning activities in the shower before he had to head into work.

“No, you did.” Her fingers played with his hair. She liked it long. “I just missed you.”

“Missed me or were you bored?” he laughed lightly placing a kiss on her neck.

She sighed and tilted her head for him. “Both.”

“I have a job offer for you.” he placed another gentle kiss to her jaw.

“Oh?”

He smirked knowing his touch was already affecting her.

“The summer program for kids out of school with no where to go. We could use a music director.” His lips barley grazed hers before she shoved him back so she could stare him down.

“Are you serious?” Rey stared at him eyes wide. He briefly talked about the summer programming, the first funded program he was initiating in the city. Never did he mention a music department, but he had added it just for her.

“Yes. Position is yours if you want it.” his dimples were deep as he looked at her.

Rey was speechless. All she wanted to do was kiss him, the love of her life. She pulled him back into her into a passionate kiss.

“Is that a yes?” she was already shoving his suit jacket off, sucking at his throat.

“Yes, you fuckable redwood.” She huffed having a hard time with his shirt buttons. He chuckled as he waved her hands off and worked on his shirt. She was sassy and bold, that’s why he loved her.

Xxx

Later that week Rey was up late sitting on the piano bench with sheets of music spread out around her. Without realizing it the job ben offered her started on Monday, the first week of June, and she didn’t have much music ready. Hours ago, ben had left to go sleep on the couch so she could compile something. He had kissed her forehead and she smiled apologetically for basically kicking him out of his own bedroom.

While he was asleep though she decided to play on one particular song. For months she had been trying to make it work, bit by bit the bars fit together, and she had her own music score. This song was special, it meant her love. Eventually she was going to play it to Ben. She spoke better in terms of music rather then words. For this one though she even wrote lyrics even though she didn’t sing, at least not in front of people. Hopefully one day he would get to hear it.

Ben woke up hearing soft familiar notes. The song was original, it was Reys. He would catch snippets of it here and there, it sounded so lovely. He laid there with eyes close listening to the tune. She usually only ever played a few bars because she was still working on it. However she continued to play after a moment and then to his surprise he heard her voice. Ben shot up listening to her, her voice was so far.

_Look at the stars_

_Look how they shine for you_

_And everything you do_

_Yeah they were all yellow_

He felt like he shouldn’t be listening. He had no idea she sang, she sounded so divine, how did she keep this secret from him? he left the couch and slowly crept up the stairs still listening to her.

_I came along_

_I wrote a song for you_

_And all the things you do_

_And it was called "Yellow"_

He froze at the bedroom door watching her play, the moonlight and dim lamp lightening her up. She looked glowing sitting there in just his t-shirt. He couldn’t help but feel like this song was about them.

_So then I took my turn_

_Oh what a thing to have done_

_And it was all yellow_

Her sweet voice was pulling at his heart.

_Your skin_

_Oh yeah, your skin and bones_

_Turn into something beautiful_

_You know, you know I love you so_

_You know I love you so_

That’s when he saw a tear slip down her cheek, but she was smiling. This song was about love and longing. It was about them.

_I swam across_

_I jumped across for you_

_Oh what a thing to do_

_'Cause you were all yellow_

He silently moved from the doorway to their closet. It wasn’t his anymore than it was hers. He fished through the tie drawer while her voice drew deep emotions from his soul.

_I drew a line_

_I drew a line for you_

_Oh what a thing to do_

_And it was all yellow_

Rey was playing her heart out. This was the first time she played the song in full and sang it. The tears were flowing, and she couldn’t stop them. this song meant everything, all the hardships, never giving up on each other, everlasting love.

_Your skin_

_Oh yeah your skin and bones_

_Turn into something beautiful_

_And you know_

_For you I'd bleed myself dry_

_For you I'd bleed myself dry_

He could feel his own eyes water as he stood there watching her, his everything.

_It's true_

_Look how they shine for you_

_Look how they shine for you_

_Look how they shine for_

_Look how they shine for you_

_Look how they shine for you_

_Look how they shine_

_Look at the stars_

_Look how they shine for you_

Her fingers slowly came to a stop the piano drifting away. Then ever so softly her voice graced his ears again.

_And all the things that you do_

She sat there out of breath like she had run a marathon, her chest beating like a drum. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt bens presence.

“Hey, I’m sorry did I wake you up?” she frantically wiped the tears off her face.

He ignored her and slid onto the bench next to her. He swallowed nervously before taking her trembling hand in his.

“Rey, was that song about us?” his voice was thick with emotion.

“You heard it?” her eyes flickered between their hands to his eyes.

“Yes. All of it.” he stared at her with such intensity.

“I wrote it for you. I was saving it for a special moment.” Her other hand reached up and she found her finger tracing the very faint scar, a habit when she was burning with love for this man.

“Its just us now.” his other hand opened, and Rey gasped. In the palm of his hand was a ring. No box, no getting down on one knee, this was simple. Just them alone, alone together, in the early morning moonlight with nothing but endless love between them.

“Ben…” his name left her lips in a wavering whisper as she kept staring at the ring. Normally there was a nagging part of her that would tell her to run, that this wasn’t real. But not this time. now she felt nothing but soul crushing love. She hoped this is what she thought this was because she was ready.

“Marry me. Please. Join me for the rest of my life.” His voice was almost a strangled plea. He couldn’t imagine how he would feel if she said no. his eyes burned in hers, unable to look away from those brown golden orbs. He wanted to be able to look in her eyes everyday for the rest of her life, listen to her music, feel her kiss, share her days.

Rey didn’t need to think about it. She had spent too long thinking about it over the past several weeks, daydreaming of this moment. Everything she ever wanted, dreamed of and more.

“Yes, yes, I will.” Her whole body was shaking as more tears fell. Her hand was trembling as he slipped the ring on before pulling her into his arms, kissing any bit of skin he could get his lips on. Ben’s heart was soaring, she didn’t run this time. No more running away, only charging forward; together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it folks. its been real. thank you so much for all the feedback and love. i havent writen a fic in years because i was so depressed. im so glad that coming out of it this was so well received. im literally crying as i wrap this up. thank you all.


	25. Epilogue

Epilogue:

1 year later…

Rey stared at her freshly showered reflection in the mirror. Today was the day. After a successful senior year, it was finally time for her senior performance in the glorious state music hall. Sure, there were several bumps along the way. Like the semester she met her boyfriend, now fiancé, she took an incomplete because everything that happened. Thankfully she was able to correct those incomplete class over the summer semester so she could graduate on time. Despite every challenge thrown at her from her terrible father to Ben’s, no Ben’s, past, she was here now. Everything she ever dreamed of came true She fought for this, for herself and for her mother’s memory. She had love, friends and at tomorrows graduation she would have a diploma. She even had a job lined up to be part of Americas greatest symphony orchestra. Picking up the blow dryer she began to fix her appearance, the recital was in a few hours and she was anxious to get ready.

Ben paced nervously in the bedroom, eyes flickering to the closed bathroom door. Today was a very special day for his fiancé, for both of them really. This was the night she had looked forward to for a very long time and he wanted everything to go perfect for her. She had been through so much; this was everything to her. After what had happened this time last year and he suggested she stay a little while. A little while turned into forever, she never left. And the past year living together was pure bliss. Every day she would practice on the piano to curate her own music for her senior recital. He would listen from the corner seat with such admiration for her talent. The way she would blush under his compliments, his heart swelled every time.

After they got engaged the talk of a wedding was put on a back burner. Rey was so focused on finishing her education strong and the new direction of the company occupied a lot of his time. But they had all the time in the world. Life for them was changing so rapidly. Now that Rey had this job, they talked about moving to the suburbs. Sometimes ben caught himself daydreaming about having kids. That was a conversation they haven’t had yet, but whatever she wanted, he wanted. His love for her was deep and un wielding.

“Ben? Can you get my dress?” Rey called out from the bathroom. He had offered to get her a new dress for tonight, but she insisted on the red one from last years charity.

“Yes darling.” He replied. He was already dressed in his tux, this was a black tie event.

Having finished her hair and makeup, she slipped on the bathrobe ben had bought her a long time ago. When she opened the door, she gasped in awe her eyes wide. Laying over the edge of the bed wasn’t the red dress. Instead it was a familiar ivory satin ballgown that she had almost forgotten about.

“Ben what is going on?” her heart was thundering in her veins as she reached out and ran her fingers over the soft fabric.

“When I saw you in that dress last year and when I saw how much you loved it, I bought it. It’s been in the spare closet this whole time.” He took a step towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.

“Wow, thank you. But isn’t it a bit much for the music hall?” instinctively she placed a hand over his, her engagement ring that she never took off since he put it on her finger, glinting in the light.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Maybe, but it’s perfect for a wedding don’t you think?”

Rey spun around in his arms looking at him with excitement in her big brown eyes.

“What are you saying?” she was breathless.

“I made an appointment at the courthouse. Let’s get married. Tonight, before your performance.” A smile full of dimples spread over his face as his arms tightened around her.

“Oh Ben…” she reached up cupping his face in her small hands. This man was perfect, he was everything to her.

“Come on, say yes. Everyone I would want to attend is right here in my arms and downstairs.” Her eyes widened even more, tears of joy threatening to spill.

“Yes!” she pulled him down into a kiss. She didn’t want a big ceremony anyway, this was perfect. They both murmured I love you’s into the kiss, but Rey pushed him back. “What if I don’t fit in the dress?”

He rolled his eyes and pulled at the bathrobe. “Rey you haven’t changed at all, you will fit. Now let’s get you in it before we are late.”

She blushed chewing her lip. So he hadn’t noticed then.

The robe fell at her feet and Bens breath faltered. He never tired of seeing her naked. There was no time to fool around. After though he was definitely going to ruin her in this dress. All smiles and faint kisses he got her into the dress, slowly doing up the laces in the back taking his time to admire her. The beautiful woman she is. He brushed her hair aside and kissed her bare shoulder.

“A perfect fit. Stunning.” He whispered and he watched the blush erupt on her skin. It pleased him to know that even after all this time he still had this affect on her. He took a step back, careful not to trip over her skirts. For so long he itched to call her his girlfriend, then fiancé and soon his wife.

Rey giggled watching him, he was basically drooling. “We should get going.” He swallowed nervously and reached out taking her hand. His grip was tight as was hers. They were both anxious for whatever comes next. He led her out of the bedroom, down the hall and to the glass staircase. Looking below she saw Leia, and Finn. Rey blushed more hearing them gasp and she quickly found herself in Finns arms.

“Did you know what he was up to?” she jokingly accused finn pointing a finger at his chest.

“Most definitely.” He beamed and went to hug Ben. Next Rey received a hug from Leia.

“Oh, my sweet girl. You look absolutely beautiful.” Tears were welling in both their eyes. Leia was the closest thing she had to a mother figure. Rey could only mumble a thankyou as she tried to stop the tears from falling. This day was absolutely perfect. She looked over at ben and Finn was patting him on the back.

“You did good kid.”

“Thanks man. We really need to get going though!” with that he grabbed Rey and they all crammed into the elevator. Her dress swarming everyone’s legs. It was all smiles and laughter as they rushed to the limo waiting out front. Once sitting down, she couldn’t see over her dress, but she didn’t care. She knew everyone was happy and smiling being able to share this moment with each other. They pulled up to the courthouse and getting Rey out the limo door was practically impossible. They ran in together holding hands because it was in 5 minutes. They got there just in time and sat on the benches out of breath as Rey struggled to put on her shoes. Images of the last time they sat in a courtroom filtered through Bens mind while they waited.

_“Ben is the most kindhearted man I know. He showed me how to trust and how to live. He only deserves kindness and whatever love the world has to offer him.”_

Ben eyes were glued to her face as he remembered what she had said _._

_“My life is ruined, and my heart is broken!”_

_“And you don’t think mine is broken too?”_

Things had changed so much since then. His love, his heart, his life it was all hers. Rey felt his gaze on her, she slowly turned her head as her eyes met his. He was looking at her with such a deep longing, a look he gave her all the time. He really loved her. with a few more couples ahead of them she took the time to reflect on her moments with him.

_He reached up and pushed a strand of hair away from her face. “Can I kiss you, Rey?”_

_“Oh. Well its true right? You are my girlfriend?”_

_“Of course, darling.” He raised her hand and kissed her knuckles_

_“Marry me. Join me for the rest of my life”_

Suddenly their names were called, it was time.

“You ready?” Ben asked her squeezing her hand. She couldn’t help it as one tear escaped, he reached out brushing it away.

“Yes.” It was all she could say as she rose from the bench pulling her fiancé with her. All four approached the officiator, Leia beaming as she stood and Finn grinning like an idiot next to Rey. As the proceeding went on Ben and Rey couldn’t stop staring at each other. For a long time, most of their lives, they each wondered if they would ever fall in love. They skipped over the vows because they didn’t need to say anything else to each other, they already knew their love was boundless.

“Then you may kiss the bride!”

Rey turned to face him completely. “Kiss me, Ben Solo.” She said voice breaking because if he stared at her a second longer like that she would burst into tears.

He grinned and pulled her closer by her waist. “Anything for you.”

Be bowed down, his hair brushing her checks as his lips encased hers. She saw stars behind her eyes when he kissed her. Now she saw everything with him. Anything was possible now that she was Rey Solo.

Xxx

They made it to her recital just in time. She was relieved to see other seniors were in ball gowns too. But none of them would know that this was Reys wedding dress. It was like a secret and she felt so elated. It was her turn to take the stage and she walked out listening to Ben shout. “That’s my wife!” very distinguishable amongst the mild clapping. She blushed once she saw him briefly through the stage lights. Rey adjusted her skirts as she sat at the piano bench and she hovered her hands over the keys, her wedding band added to her engagement ring sparkling under the bright stage lights. Taking a deep breath her fingers began to dance across the keys playing _their_ song, Yellow.

Ben watched in awe from the 2nd row. The piano riffed on with the song and the glint of her ring blinded him. This was her moment and he was here to support her. This is where he was meant to be. his hands were shaking as the song came to an end and he stood up clapping the loudest out of everyone there. Rey stood from the bench and bowed as people cheered. She waved walked off stage tears staining her checks. Ben jumped out of the aisle rushing to go meet her. He needed to kiss her, tell her he loved her, never let her go. Rey was also rushing to meet him and they collided in the hallway outside the auditorium. His arms wrapped around her and swung her around kissing every inch of her face.

“That was amazing, dear god I love you.” he sat her down but didn’t stop kissing her, his fingers threading in her hair.

She pulled away putting a hand on his chest to stop him from devouring her in another kiss.

“Ben. Do you know why I was worried about the dress not fitting?” there was no time like now to tell him. when it was just them in this empty hallway, with only the sound of their breathing.

“No, it fit fine. Why?” he looked at her so confused.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her forehead on his. They stared into each other’s eyes with all the love in the world.

“Ben, I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sequel?


End file.
